What matters

This ran though my head after having lunch with a girlfriend yesterday.  We chatted about how we both feel the same regarding others opinions.  I can't stress enough that we all live parallel lives.  It's when you open up that you see it.  We all have a story, be open and be okay with it.

Here were my thoughts today after a night of reflection. 

It doesn't matter what you think of me, what you said or how far you are willing to go.

I look in the mirror, miles away and am okay with what I am. 

You see, it's not just my shape of my body, the color of my eyes.  It's not the size of my smile or the length of my hair.

What I see that you cannot, are things I am proud to call me

I see the pride I've gained from the hard work I've put in  

I hold my head high knowing it will be okay, I have a warm heart seeing my children happy, I smile when I remember a friend telling me the kindest of words
I cry happy tears when I reflect on how far things have come.

I no longer think your opinion matters, What I do, is mine.  I can walk holding my head high, with pride, a warm heart, a smile and at times, happy tears.

Peaks and valleys

We all have them.  I'm calling it peaks and valleys but some would think it's more relatable to ups and downs.  

Call it what you want, it's simply life. 

Learning to ride a bike - Peak
Falling off - Valley

It's how you handle them that is important.  

Learning to ride a bike, flaunting it, showing it off and bragging or.. practicing to become better than you were yesterday, not competing with anyone else.

Falling from the bike, crying from the pain and giving up or.. picking yourself up, dusting the bits of rock off and getting back on.  

Growing up, school, family, relationships and work.  Each moment we enter into our lives we will no doubt have expectations.  It's how we handle them that truly define us.  Although we have them of ourselves, perhaps it's time to put those for others aside and let things work themselves out.  Sit back and watch things unravel.  Let someone expose themselves for who they truly are.  

These can contribute to your peaks and valleys.  What is important is to reflect on yourself, set your standards where you think you want them to be and take a step forward in life.  You'll find those peeks easier to get to up to, every time you fall you will know in your heart that you've done it before and you can do it again.  Make each peak a bit taller than the last.  When you are in a valley, remember those moments and hold tight.  

Even if two simple words said from another take you down, remember you own your life, no one else.  You are the master of your domain.  

Your next 24 hours

For every moment within a 24 hour period we have a choice to do something more than we did the last 24 hours that have passed.  It's a choice that each moment I try my hardest to live by.  

When my eyes open, before I toss the sheets back each morning I take time for gratitude.  

With a big sigh, I am thankful for the sight I am able to use.  It's not just though my eyes though.  Some days, it's as simple as insight.  Doing my best to listen and understand another's thoughts.  Albeit I don't always, I won't dismiss someones reaction or choices.  Believing they don't make the person bad, simply unaware of how it has affected another.   Not thinking anything less, rather standing by my belief's and be aware of my choices.  

We can all help refuse anger by learning to let it pass.  Not to force an action but rather to accept it for what it is.  Know when to live with it, when to walk away and when to build from it.  Be grateful for every experience.

Whatever experience you are having right now, it has not come by to stay, it has come to pass.

Live life for this moment, the next 24 hours is yours to create.   

The sum of things to be something

I've read that life's journey doesn't always go to the stronger or faster man, but it goes to the one who thinks he can.  

This holds true to almost every aspect in life.  We don't need to have someone tell us we can "do it" but we almost crave hearing it.  The push, the drive, the passion and the desire sometimes can be fed by others.  What picks at me is when we "think" we truly need someone to "complete" us.  Rather, knowing we can only push ourselves in the right direction.  
Perhaps I've hit a "full moon" moment where my stars have misaligned and my positive thoughts slipped through the crack or is it the simple truth that seeing what I don't want to see has slapped me in the face with a hard cold cloth?  

I have this idea that all people have the best of intentions, that their hearts are in the right place and if a mistake has been made, they would want to learn from it.  Some of us don't want to make a change and feel life is just fine the way it is for them, which is standing still.  

That being said, we can't control others actions.  We cannot lead a horse to water if they don't know they are thirsty.  

While we develop in life, go along in our journey we need to believe in ourselves, know our personal truth and not worry about what others think.  It's not about them, it's about you.  It's about how you can help make a difference by setting your personal example.  Ask yourselves these questions.

Be something for you.  Be the sum of things for your bottom line, when you reflect on it in years to come you will see the total results.  Be proud of being who you are on your own.  

Be someone

Yesterday at the gym was a great experience.  I had to laugh at myself several times.  I started out with closed fists.  Walking with music playing in my ears.  I started with my usual, walk two laps then run 1, stretch out then repeat.  I went to run my first lap and all of a sudden, my shorts started to fall.  As in, while running I actually had to hold them up.  I made the lap and went to stretch.  I started to laugh and let go.  Then I saw the next amazing thing.  On my second go at my routine a couple, I would modestly guess were in their mid 80's were walking on the track.  Hand in hand.  My grin went further from one ear to another.  

They melted me a wee bit and I relaxed my hands.  I stopped looking over my shoulder and started to pay attention to what was ahead of me.  I completed my routine (6 times) then hit the elliptical.  I noticed it was easier and so I increased the "workout" from 3 to 6.  Still seemed a bit easy as I was looking at my phone, texting a bit and posting the photo of the couple holding hands.  I kept going and before I knew it, I was done.  I had to double check the time and intensity.  "wow".. I thought to myself I just did that?  When I started, I could only do 5 minutes at level 1.  huh... a slight surprise but a good one.  Then I went to change into my swim suit.  I've seemed to have lost my insecurities ... drop it all, without a second thought.  Mind you, the change room is full of different women.  There were 2 that made my smile better.  They didn't care either and in fact, all 3 of us chatted.  It was fantastic.  I forgot what I was doing and for that matter, why.  We laughed for a few minutes and I locked my items up, said bye and strolled into the pool area.  Normally, this would have given me a ton of anxiety but without hesitation, I walked up to the lanes and into the pool.  Picture it, I kept on walking into the water.  No pausing, just one step, two steps and whammo, up to my neck with the most relaxing part of the visit.  I don't actually know how to swim properly but I do what I think is a stroke.  I'm up to 20 laps now.  I started with 6.  I can't believe how far things have changed in 2 months. 

I didn't think this would turn into what I would deem a blog post but here it is, in the full glory something that was on my mind today.  

Life tosses us a bit.  We start off judging others, being insecure, doubtful and fearful.  At times, we gain perspective and focus.  It's the times when we need perspective and focus the most that we are tested to see what direction we go in.  If you are, don't doubt it... just keep on going in the direction you feel safest.  Kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness and empathy.  Open your head and heart, be someone you admire.  Be you.  

Standing fiercely

I make promises to my kids that I know I can keep. 

I promise to love you until my last breath 

I promise to make sure you are sheltered, safe and warm 

I promise to be your mum first and foremost

The one promise I try to keep above all is,

I promise to show you I am human

I do my best to live life one step in front of the other.  Some days, more cautiously than others, some days more with my heart and less with my head.  

Any of those thought processes can lead to either success or disaster.  I know there are books to read on how to be a better parent, I've read a few but most times, you cannot dictate how the outcome will be until you go through it.  I believe that the most important thing is reflection.  

Can you look back at your decisions from as early as yesterday and be okay with them?  If the answer is no, then you need to change your plan and make sure the outcome is one that you would be happy your own kids would choose.  

I want so much to just let my guard down and be the irresponsible woman who throws caution to the wind and do what I want.  

The battle I have inside my head and heart is knowing that what I want isn't always what is right.  So I choose to step back and do the right thing, hoping that the opportunity to toss it out the window with complete abandon comes back when the time is right.  

In the mean time, I'll stand fiercely beside my kids.  I'll try to do what is right, and I'm okay with them seeing me stumble from time to time  (no matter how old they are)

Seeing another succeed

Great leaders are not ever born but developed over time with sweat and tears.  Some heart breaks and several ah-ha moments that bring you the deepest joy, the type that you never thought existed.  

I remember my first paying job.  I picked up on things quickly and became a bit "cocky" with how well I thought I was doing.  Then one day like a slap by a brick wall, I discovered that wasn't quite the truth.  Good lord, that hurt.  I remember it like yesterday.. 

"You know what assume means Nicole?  When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." 

Oh boy.. that took me down about 10 notches.  I was 15 years old and it was the first tough lesson to learn.  I know I didn't take it in a productive way, blaming everyone else and not looking inside to try to improve.  

Well, during the path I've learnt these important lessons.

1. Never assume anything.  It truly does make an ass out of you and me! (ass-u-me)

2. Take any type of comments, the good or the bad and learn!  You will start to trust yourself when you learn to filter through the comments and actions of others.  

3. Don't forget your roots.  When you see someone struggling, offer an ear first.  Let them say what they need to but don't take that to heart.  Remember where you came from and if they ask, offer your experience.  

4. Show by example.  If you want to help others develop, you need to develop yourself first.  No one will want to be any less than you, ever.  We all have a strong desire to evolve into something we know we are here for, it's just how we get to the destination that matters.  

5. Never think you are above anyone else.  The person who works cleaning the bathroom may make less but their life may be happier.  Keep things simple and help everyone you can with their development.  Regardless if it's starting from how to get back on their feet to working in the same office as you.  The minute you shut them out is the minute they start giving up.  Would you rather have a co-worker that gives up or a co-worker that cheers others on too?

Being who you are for you

In spite of fear, I talk to many people. Strangers and friends, new and old, close and far.  I do my best to not live with doubt and fear, however like others, it happens from time to time.  The outcome of conversations pay dividends 10 fold and for that simple reason, I push myself out of a comfort zone almost daily.  I helps being true to myself by helping create a stronger, better me.  

On the journey, I find that I am attracted to like minded people.  It's always given me energy and confirms that how I feel is a simple truth.  

When you look back at your journey, as far as you can remember do you see the paths and the results?  Which gave you the best feelings?  I'm talking about joy, happiness and gratitude?  Those feelings will give you strength and courage to get out of your comfort zone and become the person you truly are.  

Being happy with oneself can help you move forward.  

I'll give some credit to a friend that I spoke to this morning who shared their insight with me.  Like minded people bring out the best in all of us.  Be who you are.

Believe, faith, passion and fear

"You will not take this down, I will not let you use me.  I will discipline what I need to get ahead, not for myself but for what I believe in."

Living life in fear can be the biggest controller.  We must live without comfort, as it it was your last day, live your life with passion, let control go.

Fear is the biggest contributor to our lack of success and starting at this very moment, you will stop accepting that doubt that whispers, walk away from it and let go.  

We all have our comfort zones that keep us living our lives.  Work and relationships, We believe it is part of life, to go to school, to work so we can pay bills, to grow old.  It doesn't have to be this way.  We can start today with a fresh thought that our lives start now, living for ourselves, creating a path not walked on yet.  

You have to believe in you, have faith and trust that the dots will connect.  Take a look back at how things have progressed in life so far and know that they are doing this at the very moment you breathe, the moment you step out and start something you desire 

Don't give up, don't give in.  There is always an answer to everything.  If that question exists, the answer must too.  Remember, it is better to fall forwards so you can see where you are going.  

Listen to your whisper.. you can do this.

The climb

I don't know where to start, is what I was thinking over 5 years ago.  

I loved the view in the neighbourhood and wanted the fresh air.  I needed to get into shape so why wouldn't I try to go for a stroll?  Well, I was a bit over weight and knew I needed to make some changes.  Little did I know that my health was not as good as I thought.  I lost my breath and hardly made it home.  I couldn't believe that a straight forward, 5k walk would do so much to me.  I knew then I had to start to make changes.  

Fast forward to now.  A few years later and with some perseverance I now can easily do more than 10k combining walking, running and yes, climbing.  I figure, if I can over come that hill, those stairs and that road I may be able to do more.  So almost every day I challenge myself to go further.  It doesn't matter that someone might have a chuckle at me, or that another may have doubts.  This isn't for them.  I'll look back at today in a few years with a grin, standing somewhere I thought I'd never be.  

You should too.  

Vulnerability

Exposing yourself, opening up to others can give you the thought that you are becoming vulnerable, exposed and perhaps weak. 

I've just watched an amazing "Ted Talk" by Brene Brown regarding Vulnerability and Shame.  While doing so, I found myself nodding my head and laughing at times.  Mostly agreeing with what she had to say.  

We hold closest to us what we do not want others to see.  We feel that exposing ourselves is shameful and weak.  The truth is quite the opposite.  I don't want to take away from what Brene Brown tells you in this talk but I do want to emphasize what she is trying to say.  

"Vulnerability in not weakness, it is the most accurate measure of courage.  To be vulnerable is to be honest."

I cannot express to you that when you expose yourself, you become as human as the one next to you.  Showing not only your imperfections but building strength from them.  If there is something you dream of, go out there and do it.

Take a moment to watch this Ted Talk, I'll bet you do the same as I did.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?utm_campaign=social&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_content=talk&utm_term=social-science#t-1204483

Swing hard every day

I cannot believe it's been around 3 years since I've started this journey on line.  What an experience I've had along the paths!  I wanted to do this for so long and when I choose to make it public, it felt like I was jumping into a pool of cold water.  (My closest friends can attest to the doubts I had)

I know we just brought in another year, filing them with promises of change.  However, before you start to live life again, I don't want you to set goals for the year.  

Start setting them for your life.  

If, what you want seems so far out of reach, create baby steps.  Welcome people in your life that will put a smile on your face and be okay with walking away from situations that don't.  It's all you owe yourself.  Today and moving forward.  Don't use the first day of this year to start your path.  Don't use the first day of this year as a day to set resolutions.

Make them every single day.

Live in the moment and don't let a small failure stop your journey.  

Grab a bat and use it to knock each negative thought out, as far as you can.  Use that bat to help you work towards your goals.  Swing hard darling, one day you'll get that home run.