Standing fiercely

I make promises to my kids that I know I can keep. 

I promise to love you until my last breath 

I promise to make sure you are sheltered, safe and warm 

I promise to be your mum first and foremost

The one promise I try to keep above all is,

I promise to show you I am human

I do my best to live life one step in front of the other.  Some days, more cautiously than others, some days more with my heart and less with my head.  

Any of those thought processes can lead to either success or disaster.  I know there are books to read on how to be a better parent, I've read a few but most times, you cannot dictate how the outcome will be until you go through it.  I believe that the most important thing is reflection.  

Can you look back at your decisions from as early as yesterday and be okay with them?  If the answer is no, then you need to change your plan and make sure the outcome is one that you would be happy your own kids would choose.  

I want so much to just let my guard down and be the irresponsible woman who throws caution to the wind and do what I want.  

The battle I have inside my head and heart is knowing that what I want isn't always what is right.  So I choose to step back and do the right thing, hoping that the opportunity to toss it out the window with complete abandon comes back when the time is right.  

In the mean time, I'll stand fiercely beside my kids.  I'll try to do what is right, and I'm okay with them seeing me stumble from time to time  (no matter how old they are)