Learning from being alone

I'm not sure what drove me to do something I've not done in my life, perhaps it's been the life lessons that I needed to sum up that I've gained over the past few years.  

Let me elaborate a wee bit with just 3.

1. Don't wait.  

If you expect someone else to do something for you or for the perfect moment to come, you might find it may never happen.  If you want the moon, shoot for it, if you miss, you'll be lucky to land among the stars.  

24 hours ago, driving on the highway that terrified me in the past, through the mountains, surrounded by wildlife, I decided not to wait.  I didn't expect anyone to drive, pay or take care of me.

Staying in an all girls dorm room at a hostel then grabbing a bite to eat (with a beer)and walking the main street alone, never felt more liberating.  To be completely honest, I've stayed in Banff before, more so, lucky enough to stay at the Banff Springs Hotel, which in many peoples eyes, is a castle.  

This weekend, discovering that not needing or wanting anything was something that made me feel (for lack of better words) more at ease with myself than ever before.  I welcomed people that I wanted into my small world.  There isn't anything more liberating than having the freedom to choose!  As I had said, I stayed in what was considered the grandest hotel in Banff in the past and had felt more alone then than going this past weekend alone.  

I didn't wait.  One of the best things to come from this isn't about me though.  It's about showing my boys how I can be independent.  How they can to and not to be held down by others opinions.  I want them to believe they can do it too.  

2. Listen to yourself

I can't tell you enough to listen to your gut.  You'll have moments of doubt but clarifying why, is the key.   You know very well that life's experiences, exposures and moments are like whispers.  Everyone has a limit as to how far they will go or what they believe in.  No matter how badly you want something, if it's not right, it just isn't.  You can't change the outcome no matter how hard you try.  

I can say this is true from this weekends experience.  Not believing a break was needed, I was forcing my head down at work, with my kids, my doubts and fears.  I was losing control again and I didn't listen to what my heart and head needed.  Which, clearly was fresh air, alone time and to try something that I've not ever done in my life.  

Booking a room at a hostel in Banff for $37.00 Canadian a night was a good start.  This ensured I;

a. could bail without regret
b. afford a few other treats
c. expand my mind (also known as meditation) 

Researching places to go to, or experiences I wanted was the next step.  I didn't put money into a plan, I just went with it. Do you know what happened?  My expectations were exceeded and my gut felt good.  I had the choice to go where I wanted and when.  I settled in the hostel, met an amazing young lady by the name of Cazandra, from Sweden where we chatted for well over an hour.  She was clearly a well defined person who wanted to experience life, in the moment. I have no doubt her parents are very proud of her and the human she will become.  Without an apology, I excused myself from the room and headed out. 

After several loops on the main road, I picked a place to eat dinner.  Walked in with a BIG grin (self confidence) and asked for a place to enjoy a beer, alone.  No questions actually, it was a simple gesture and gave me the feeling of "sass".  

While sitting at the bar, I not only enjoyed a beer and food but people watching.  I listened to conversations going on around me (I know, I'm horrible), laughing, chatting with the bartender and just taking it all in.  Again, my gut felt good.  (I wasn't basing that on the fabulous food or beer either.) 

I never once felt regret or remorse.  Again, I listened to my gut instinct and it worked perfectly.  Although, to be completely honest, while hiking from the top of the falls to the Inkpots site (up a mountain)

I was freaking out as I was completely alone.  So much, that I didn't even see a squirrel.  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to turn back.  "what if" was running through my mind.  "what if I die?"  I couldn't accept that.

Which brings me to the last one for today.

3. Going the distance

Life wants to test you.  In every aspect and what you choose to do is up to YOU!  We cannot blame others for our short comings.  They are in our hands, our minds and our hearts.  What we do with situations that happens, is completely up to us.  Our reactions, to be exact.  

A hard exam?  A tough day at the job?  Friends letting us down?  I could go on but we all know they happen and there are many other examples. 

Whatever is going on with your life, no matter how difficult it may seem, it will be harder to accept that you didn't put 100% into making "that" moment successful.  It doesn't really matter than someone didn't believe in you.  What matters is that YOU believe in you.  That you cross that finish line and YOU know YOU did it.  Perhaps with a little help from true friends and great family.  Those people in your life are worth more than gold and diamonds.  They are the ones cheering you on from behind the scenes, they are the ones that want to see YOU succeed.  

Do what I did this weekend.  Push yourself further.  I hiked from the top of Johnston Canyon to Inkpots,

completely alone, in bear country up the side of a mountain, singing terribly with spray in my right hand, an airhorn in the other.  Every part of me, other than my gut told me to turn around.  Even my aching muscles were yelling.. "What the hell are you doing?" but I did it.