What is it you want?

We all want something more in our lives.  

I use to want more money, nicer house, better car, fantastic job, nice clothing, beautiful children and a better life.

Well, at least those were the things on the top of my head... 

However this is what I’ve discovered on my journey so far.

I wanted those things but now my wants are different.

I want to be just like my grandmother was.  I want my children to be happy, I want to give with all my heart, life life fully and love unconditionally.  I want to enjoy each moment as if it were my last.  I want wrinkles in the corner of my eyes from smiling, a sore tummy from laughing and to build memories.  

I’ve discovered that my wants changed from something I can obtain to something I can create.  

No amount of money, no house, car, job or clothing can replace or give me what I want now. 

Which is happiness.

Be a little sunshine

Most of us are terrified to open up and expose that little underbelly of who we truly are.  Saying things we are not, doing things we usually don't just to cover up.

Be a little inspiration and open up. Be honest, be yourself and be a little sunshine in someone's life.  It's okay to be you. 

*If they don't like it, walk on.  Life is too short to hold on.

A new normal

Back in the 1980’s I could sneak out of my bedroom window and meet some friends down at the creek.  We would bring sleeping bags and talk until dawn.  We didn’t have cell phones to call home but gaged time by our tummies and daylight.  

Today is different and we have to accept that.  No amount of arguing that fact will change it back.

Today our children are locked down in a house supervised and days planned.  Today we need to keep them busy so that they stay safe.  Education is a key to survival and I am not talking school smarts but common sense.  

We educate them on drug, physical and emotional abuse.  Showing them the truth about emotions and to discuss what is going on in the world.  How some countries are battling for freedom, safety and security.  We teach our children the past so we don’t repeat it and give them respect so they learn it.  

Today we must show how to choose when to be compassionate and when to stand up for themselves. How to be their own persons and when to tolerate differences.  

Today is a new normal and as much as it frightens me to show my children what is out there I know it’s essential.  

We are required as adults to put aside our differences and become better for them.  

Are you packed to go?

If you are in a moment, right now where you want to pack up your bags and leave everything behind...

Don’t.

Before you take that leap to leave it all behind, give me a moment to help you back.

There was a time, believe it or not you poked your head into this world and someone loved you unconditionally.  

If it wasn’t your birth mum, then it was your adoptive mum, your grandmum, your father, your brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandfather, adoptive dad, Dr., 

Yes, someone.

If you are lucky, all of the above.  

Let’s face it though it’s not always all but mostly, there is one.  

They held you tight, wrapped you, fed you cleaned you and loved you.  

Without doubt, without question, without hesitation.  

So at this very moment, when your bags are packed and you are ready to check out remember.... 

one

single 

person 

who loves you with their entire soul and all of their being.  You need to know that you can help another.

It can be your birth mum, your adoptive mum, your grandmum, your father, your brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandfather, adoptive dad and yes, even your Dr. 

Someone out there needs you as much.  

Your hills and battles

I can’t say life is an easy path to build but I can say it’s worth the hills you climb and the battles you win.

Now when I say “hills you climb” I am referring to your personal challenges.  Ones that are planted in your head by others or by doubt that creeps and starts to create barriers.  Over time, just like I have you may start to question where your path is going.  Only you know and you have to trust yourself and know that no one else can build it for you if you choose to.  

I can tell you the fact that at several times in my life I have let others start my path and over time, I have taken back that direction to where I want it to go.  As will you.  Remember regardless of our background we are all the same.  We face those exact hills and you have to know that on the other side is something amazing, something wonderful that you have paved your path to.

When I say battles, I don’t speak as if I’ve fought someone with my hands but ones that were in your heart.  

My personal battles were ones of fear, control and anger.  Those battles I had to over come to be where I am today and yes, they’ve made me different.  I’ve learnt to let go of my fears, walk away from control and let the anger go.  

Just like you.

So today, at this moment try your best to lace up, climb that hill to face the sun rise of tomorrow, let the scars of yesterday’s battles heal and hold your head high.  It’s okay to see you are not perfect, that you will change and create the path only you want.   

Daily RAK

Nothing more than a fleeing thought but what if we were to treat everyone the same way we would expect it in return? 

Give it a moment to sink in.  Where does one start?

You wake up and have many things on your mind that needs to be accomplished today.  Regular things as easy as dishes, laundry, lunches, breakfast.  You wish someone would help and frustration can kick in as you are feeling the pressure.  Before you let your reaction get ahold of you (good or bad), back away.  Those things you are doing could be helping others right? 

You head off to your daily work and bam, things get thrown at you which make you feel a bit more stressed.  Again frustration kicks in and you want to say how you feel. 

Take a deep breath.  First off, a good friend at work told me once that charity begins at home.  So stop feeling so pressured.  You can only do so much and if you keep on trying to please everyone you'll forget about yourself.  You could burn out and something could happened that is not like you, something could be said that you never intended to say. 

So before you let things get to you, remember you would want to have others treat you the same.  You may need to stop offering a little help, you may want to feel a little break.  Know that it's okay to take a moment for yourself so that in the long run you can treat others the way you want to be treated.  Think of this as a RAK for yourself. 

Listening can be both wonderful and heart breaking

Like the reflection in water, we see ourselves differently what others see.  

Each experience we are handed in life are for us to grow from, learn from, live with.  

The toughest lesson is to listen.  

Stop, breath and ...

Listen to others without a preconceived idea of what is right or wrong.  

Listen to ourselves when something isn’t right.  

Most times, you will see the truth.  

The wonderful part is finding out another’s perspective, growing and becoming a better person.  

The heart break?  

When accusations are tossed like seeds into the wind, they are usually are a reflection of another’s guilt.  

Listen wisely, patiently and cautiously.  

Where do you see it?

Kindness shows in many forms. It is up to us to see it. 

These past few days I took a moment for someone else.  I knew my friend had been through many tough situations and although I had been there for her over the phone or with the help of Facebook I knew she needed more. 

It didn't take more than a split second and the flight was booked. I only did what I felt was right. 

Now a few days later and the issues resolved, she is heading home as I await my return flight. While I was here though this is what I experienced. 

Through her tough times, she bent an ear for me. The place I stayed at wasn't exactly a 3 star hotel, more of a warm bed and a roof that granted me safety. I stayed with my friend as I am the same. No more, no less. 

I met some kind people in the process, May, being the owner of the home I stayed in, all the people that helped my friend and how 

every
single
act 

seemed to help her find the path home. 

Right now, I'm sitting at the table, looking outside the window and have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude towards those who showed their acts of kindness when it was desperately needed by someone I know that gives her heart and soul to others. 

Friends who became family

It becomes abundantly clear that as we grow older we tend to lean more on friends and less on family. For many reasons, our parents have left us, we move far away or insight changes who we tell and what. 

I love my parents dearly but the last thing I want is for them to worry, so some things are shared with friends who have become a second family. 

I grew up with my siblings moving around. I never established close friends until my late teens and then having a a child at a young age where I started to change. I wanted to give him something I was missing. A feeling of community. Where you would leave your home and the neighbours said hello, where your parents could find you by asking your friends parents. 

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't robbed growing up.  I have amazing brothers and a beautiful sister but I lacked in knowing that social contact outside of them. 

Through both of my children, I grew.  I experienced that family isn't always determined by blood but by gestures of kindness, similarities and many days of laughter discovering we were not alone. 

Now in my 40's my closest friends through the kids, through work, through life are worth more than anything that can be purchased, searched for or given. I am thankful for my wonderful, kind, loving, patient friends who love me unconditionally as I do them. 

Believe

In yourself.  Your heart.  Your mind.  Your body.

Not a single soul is perfect just like you and I.  We will all make mistakes but we will all learn.  Some not the same as others, but learning is key.  This i’ve learned while I was in therapy as a young lady trying to overcome hurt and anger.  

I want you to head to your mirror.  (I know you have at least 1).

Say to yourself these following words.

I am okay.

I am right the way I am.

I will fall but I will get back up.

I will respect myself first.

I will not allow anyone to let me believe I am anything less.  

Every day, to yourself.  Tell yourself these things.  You will believe and you will be okay.  

Difference between compromise and surrendering.

I figure that at an early age we start to compromise.... or is it surrender? 

For the love, acceptance and belief of others.  

In us.  

We strive as young people to be who our parents want us to be, we do better for teachers, coaches and even friends.  Which in theory can be a good thing.

However...

Doing our best, whatever it is in for others isn’t the answer.  What do you know that you gave up to make others happier?  To give another vision and purpose to your life for another?

As an adult start off by being the example, the lead you want your children to be.  This will have pay backs like crazy.  For yourself then for the future with your kids.

Then have them try different things, ask questions and truly follow their lead.  If they aren’t interested it will show, if they excel at something you will know.  Now feed it.  Feed the passion.  Whatever it may be you will be building a fantastic future person.  

Not only will they be good at what you’ve nurtured, they will learn acceptance and compassion from your acts.  

Now years later, our children will know the difference between compromise and surrendering what they believe in.  You will have built the confidence in that child to be able to lead their way, create their own path and have faith in themselves without looking for love or acceptance from others.

As for you and I?  Let’s start from scratch and stop looking outward, start building that inner strength we have and stop listening to the little voice inside that keeps saying “you can’t” or “you won’t”. 

Because... you can and you will!

The cost

The cost of raising a child

The cost of raising a child from birth to 18 was recently calculated to be $160,140. for a middle income family.  That doesn’t even touch the college tuition.

But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down.  It translates into a $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month or 171.08 a week.   That’s a mere $24.24 a day.  Just over a dollar an hour.

If you think then that the best way to gain wealth is by not having children, think again.

What do you get for 160,140?  Naming rights, first, middle, and last.  Glimpses of God every day, giggles under the covers every night.  More love than your heart can hold.  Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies.  A hand to hold usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said, or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140.00 you never have to grow up.  You can finger paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.  You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother’s day, cards with backward letters for today.

For $160,140 there is no better return.

You are a hero for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, take the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always get treated to ice cream regardless.

You get front-row seat to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel.

You become immortal.  Another branch is added to the family tree.  And, if your lucky, limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You gain an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.

You have all the power to heal a boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits.

So one day they will, like you, love and not count the cost.

When it’s time to look back

I must admit that at times, luck is on my side.  I have met some amazing people who have given me a bit of guidance, some that have taught me lessons and some that will remain friends for the rest of my life.  

Like you, I’ve made mistakes and learned from them.  I grew up with little, fought back from hardship at times and felt like giving up.  I’ve been angry, hurt and confused.  

Just. 

like. 

you.  

The best part of it all?  When I look back I see how far I’ve come.  

So when you are luck and feel fortunate, take a moment and look back.  See how far you’ve come.

I am Canadian and I am thankful

5 am and I let my pup in.  Tiny white flakes are falling as I witness my breath escape my lips.   

It’s May 6, 2014.  I slowly scramble up the stairs still foggy in the head and for a brief moment I wonder why Mother Nature is so cruel.  

Then something else hit me.

I live in Canada.  There is no man coming to kidnap my friends daughter.  The morning silence is a good thing as the birds sing, no bombs are going off.  I am not in fear of a gun shot grazing over my head, nor am I concerned that one of my boys will be recruited to join a terrorist group.  I have not lost a child on a boat.  I can afford an opinion and voice it.  

I am in Canada where it is a good thing to be a woman.  We can vote, we can work, we have a voice.  I can walk freely without fear of harm.  I can work and I can play.  

I have access to social programs and education.  I have a roof over my head and food for my belly.  Clean clothing is accessible and we have  a family Dr. I can see when my youngest develops a cold.

I am Canadian and if Mother Nature wants to snow in the middle of August, go ahead as I am Canadian and am thankful.

Be the change you wish to see in the world

Each day, I feel lucky to be here.  I am reminded of what amazing people I have around me, those that feel and think the same and I.

Today was no exception.  I thrive on giving back and this year, I decided to band together with a few co-workers to create a "volunteer" group.  People who WANT to give back, friends who feel it's part of their life to do something in return. 

We had a meeting with the Canadian Cancer Society about a fundraiser they are doing and what we can do as a group of volunteers to give back.  The entire time while the presentation was going on, tears were welding up in my eyes and my heart swelled.  Party for those who have fought cancer but mostly for the gratitude I have for the many people I am surrounded with. 

I am lucky to have a great foundation to work on, I am lucky to have co-workers that have quickly become friends who share the same passion as I. 

I can honestly say that I am going to work on the change I want to see in this world.  Will you?

Thoughts for the day

Interpretation of this for myself is simply put that one should not leave life un-lived.  Cherish each moment you are given.  While doing this, give back to those around you.  Although a simple gesture of kindness is usually one unpaid with tokens it is will be priceless.

Keep heavy words to yourself, live with kindness.  Know that when others speak ill, it only looks poorly upon themselves.

Simply put....

Some of the longest days are the ones I think about too much.  The days where even the simplest things seem tough.  I keep reminding myself that it’s okay, this too will pass.  As should you.

Enjoy the simple things and don’t sweat the small stuff.  Tomorrow they may seem less daunting and before you know it success will follow.  I’m not talking about financial success, I’m talking about your happiness.

Take joy in the sun warming your face, a child’s laughter, finding a quarter, a brisk walk alone, support from a stranger, a hug from a friend, kind words from your family, that last bite of ice cream, time, warm coffee, the perfect moment.