How easy is it to make a little change

My daily challenge isn’t something you would expect.  

Open your mind to others perspective.

Simple as that.

A child would cry out, scream at their mum or dad.  I figured someone must be abusing them.  

Little would I know, that child wanted candy and the parent was trying to teach them sometimes no is an answer.

A teen walking down the street looking rough.  Not clean kept and carried a scowl on their face.  I would think to myself, “stay clear”!  

Little would I know they left an abusive home to what they felt was a safer place.  The streets.

A woman, quiet and never getting involved.  I would think she was perhaps conceited and above others... 

Little would I know, she was abused and controlled.  

Now, 20 some years later, I offer patience to a parent, guidance to a teen, compassion to a stranger.  I challenge you to make a little change in your perspective any opportunity you have.  

Your dawn

"Everything is going to be alright” is what she kept telling herself.  

Years with words of disrepair and actions that created self doubt tore down a beautiful soul.  Then someone told her these words.

"Darling, pebbles became mounds, mounds became hills, hills became mountains.  As day turns into night, you must remember that any mountain begins with a pebble each day beings with the sun rise".  

We have to start our thought process that to be at the top we start with a step upon that pebble.  Nothing is achieved at night but realized at the dawn.  

Don’t be hard on yourself today, accept what you have and work with it.  Take each day for what it is and build that path to a step forward to the dawn at the top of your mountain.

Dear future self...

Something you want but are afraid to go and do?  

This weekend I did and before I crossed that line I almost threw up.  

Really, I worked myself into such a frenzy that I started to believe I couldn’t.  I had played scenarios in my head on how to get out of it.  I drove over, got out of my car and walked to the door.  I had never done anything like this on my own. 

Let me tell you something.  As much as I can be outgoing and loud, I break into a sweat around strangers.  

I walked in and let them know I was there.  I did it.    

I had to stay.  Why?  To prove to myself that I could do this.  

The day ended good.  I did what I came to do and better than anticipated.  

Why am I telling you this?  

No matter how much you doubt yourself, no matter who’s put fear into your head, you CAN do this!  You can actually do anything.  Stop resting on that couch believing you are tired when really it’s the fear that’s stopping you from doing it.  

Start with those feet firmly planted on the ground, wash away those fears and know that whatever the outcome your future self will thank you.

Strength, wisdom and courage

It is completely up to you on how you live your life.  

We’ve all been handed different circumstances and how we choose to react to them depends on our strength, courage and a little wisdom.  

Strength - To get up and go.  Walk away from the issues that you are facing.  Better yet, face them head on.  Question everything about it.  Everything about yourself.  Just take a peaceful moment in your chaos and reflect on as much as you can.  If you can.

Courage - Speak up.  To others for help, to yourself as a reminder that you are worth every moment.  Prove to yourself only that today is the day.  Take the first step.  If you don’t believe that you can be a leader then know that you lead yourself to many places in life.

Wisdom - Be wise enough to know the truth.  Right or wrong, it beats in you.  Gives you life and if you deny it, you will only doubt yourself more.  

A village to raise a child

The hardest job in the world?  Being a parent.  

You bring this little person into the world.  All of a sudden it’s not about you, it’s about them.  Everything.  Your breath, your heartbeat, your mind.  All of you.

I remember leaving my oldest at the daycare for his first time.  It ate at me for weeks before.  Walking away and leaving him in the arms of another.  His face planted squarely against the screen door, screaming for me to come back.  "I will, don’t you worry little one”. was the only thing running through my head.  For the next 9 hours while I worked, all I could think of was his safety.  Of course I checked their backgrounds, references and spent time with them, prepared myself as much as I could to give complete trust to someone that wasn’t me.  

Sports followed with coaches guiding my child, then teachers, other family members, then peers and finally employers.  At one point, I had to trust and let go of my fear.  

My second child came and it was the same all over, trusting others that had influence over both of my children’s lives.  

Statics say that one out of three children are abused in one form or another.  

Right then.  

The odds are not good so let’s do the math.

Childcare givers, teachers, coaches, other parents, other family members and employers. How many of those in each?  Childcare givers?  If I were lucky, there would only be 1, perhaps 2 tops.  That wasn't the story.  I went through 5 out of school care givers, 2-3 different babysitters, at least 7 teachers (kinder through 6) then the coaches.  On any given team, you’ll have at least 2 coaches per sport and let’s base that on 2 sports a year.  A total to date of at least 16 (guessing on my children’s activities). Then family members.  I hate to put that stat in but let’s face it.  Most sexual abusers are someone that is close to the child.  So, on average, let’s say 3-4 family adults exposed to our children.  Then peers.  That can be countless.  If one child can become a bully to your child, can do unwanted acts towards your child.  So let’s throw in 3 for a number.  (let’s face it, children learn what they live).  Then finally employers.  How many of you as a young adult have had an employer that said or did something that you didn’t feel right with.  Okay, let’s toss 1 into the factor.  

That possible total number of outside influences on your child’s life is 41.  

41 people who have influence on your child’s life good or bad.  

Now let’s flip that around for a second.  

41 possible wonderful, fantastic, loving people who have had a positive influence in my children’s lives.  41 people who have guided, set the best examples and loved them unconditionally.  

I want to thank the child care workers.  The daycare across from my grandparents home for faith, my grandparents, Runu in the day home for the love, the YMCA ladies who taught my youngest a song that I use to sing to him when he was a baby, to laugh.  The countless teachers that gave them self and self worth, the Soccer, lacrosse and hockey coaches for structure and to preserve, all of my family members for unconditional love, the employers who now have taken both of my boys under their wings to show them respect and hard work.

I had read somewhere that it takes a village to raise a child.  They are 100% correct.  

A little challenge

I challenge you to let go.

Pardon me?  

Let go of inhibitions and fear.  When you hear a song you like, dance, sing or hum along.  Let your arms go, legs take over and dance.  Don’t worry what others think.  Laugh loud and let go!

Happiness isn’t something you’ll find from someone else darlings, it’s within you.  

Don’t try and change yourself for someone’s ideas.  Be who you are, with those who think you are as fantastic as I think you are.  

Have faith that tomorrow will be okay.  Know there is a door and on the other side answers will lay waiting for you to find.  

How to rock an outfit perfectly

Be yourself.  Be happy.  Don’t criticize.  Choose words carefully and kindly.  Smile.  Wear confidence proudly.  Laugh loud, hard and from the bottom of your belly.  Take chances.  

Do these and nothing else on the outside matters.  

Start something small

Daily, you get up and do the things you are required as a parent.  Some come more natural than others.  

Like ensuring your child brushes their teeth.  Why do you do these?  To ensure they have good teeth?  Create a foundation of good dental hygiene for the future?  

They are all good reasons but if you work on something so simple then why not work on something a little more life changing?  

Your child is an opportunity to create a better person.  Day by day, little by little if you show them by your actions of kindness, they too will follow.  Not only will the pay back of a kind gesture make you feel good, your child is now seeing the benefits and before you know it, you have helped them become a giving, kind, compassionate young person.

  

Gratitude for the day

Be grateful for the small things you have as someone else wishes it was theirs.  

Have patience with the small things, as someone else needs your acceptance.  

Give when the opportunity is present, you never know when you will need something in return.  Love unconditionally.  

smile always as you never know who is looking.  

Listen with both ears and learn with both eyes.  Sing as if no one is listening, dance without a care in the world.  Embrace each moment as a gift.  Walk forwards but never forget the past.  Be who you are, never change never expect anyone to change for you.  Be okay with a stumble, accept them as a learning curb and most importantly, forgive.

One step ahead or one step behind, either way it’s all the same path

There was a day where thoughts passed in my head about could things get worse?  What else is going to be tossed my way where I might not be able to handle it and god forbid I crack and lose it?

This is where I started to change.  I started to see that no matter how hard, how sad things got perhaps I needed to look at things from a different angle.  Then it started.  Like a snow flake, turning into a layer of soft sticky snow, it got bigger, faster and I learnt how to work with what I had, in a positive way.  

Give me the grace of digression for a moment.

5 years old, I didn’t have play shoes.  Only church shoes.  Didn’t matter, my feet were tough enough and I could manage. Flash backs of childhood abuse, I wasn’t a victim, I was a survivor.  Badge of honour in my eyes.  Chest puffed out, I walked above the abusers. Then, a young mother separated and single.  Determined NOT to be a statistic.  

Without knowing it, my attitude started at a very young age.  Sure I had hick-up’s, stumbles and at times, face plants.  I have friends who can attest to these.  The key was that after each stumble, hick-up or face plant, I got back up.  

I learnt from the past and knew well enough not to repeat.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  

Now I see things from the other side.  Another learning curb.  I tell others that instead of looking at a situation from your perspective, for a moment put your feet in the others and try to see why they are where they are.  Have compassion for mistakes and accept we are all the same, on the exact road just some ahead of others, some a few steps behind.  In the end, we all go to the same place.  

I want you to leave this page knowing that happiness is a choice of perspective.  Before you close this know you are in complete control of yourself and at times, you don’t know it but you can change the outcome.  

Taking the tough days out of sight and turning them into something more

Every day I come in here and treat this like a private room.  I use this place to express my gratitude, insight, passion and to learn.  

Each day is not only a gift of life but more than we know in the moment.  It’s our biggest opportunity.  To learn, grow, express and forgive.  

As you, I have great days and I have some not so great days.  Those days that are filled with greatness when things go right, everything falls into place and my challenges are completed on time, correct and with some shine.  

The days where they are not so great, I leave feeling flushed in the face, heart pounding fast and my emotions get a hold of me quicker than I know what to do.  

This is how I see it though.  Those tougher days, when things don’t go right.  Where everything seems to fall apart and I want to crawl in a warm blanket, curl up and fall asleep.  They are the days I learn the most.

I learn I can endeavour, I can learn to become better, I can do this.  

I can, I can.

I learn how to solve a problem on my own, with or without someone.  I have the strength to make it right and to calm my nerves, emotions to a slower pace.  I know there is always tomorrow and that coming home to hear how my son’s day was will put me at peace.  To hear my friends laugh and ultimately know I am not the only one.  

I will take every day with the utmost gratitude and know that if I did it, I can do it again but better.

Where does charity start?

They say you should head out and help others.  This is something that should make you feel stronger, wiser, better.

However....

They say charity begins at home, so let it begin.  

Be good to yourself.  It is OKAY to take a rest, read a book, go for a walk.  Stop, breathe and look around you.  Survival is only successful by knowing the value of what you have.

You only need permission from yourself to slow down and at some moments stop.

It is okay to think about yourself once in awhile.  When we start to take care of ourselves, it becomes easier to care for others, to give back and before you know it you are leading the pack!  

So go ahead, be okay with who you are.  Be grounded with accepting that it’s okay to take a break and think of yourself for once.  Remember, charity begins at home. 

Living without regrets

Somewhere along this life, I lost who I was. I fell into the roll of mum and wife while putting things aside. 

And.... I'm okay with it. I stopped thinking about myself, I started to think outside of my box, my world and started to live for others. 

In the end, it created a different me without expectations, without dissapointments without regrets. Thank you to my family and friends who span oceans that keep me looking back so that I may move forward.

I hope you gain the same in return.

The Journey

As a young lady I figured the world revolved around me, like any young person I didn’t see much out my back yard.  This world was my oyster even if it was the small fenced in yard that we lived in for a temporary time.  I learned to adapt as we moved, my eyes open wider than others by the experiences through this journey.  

Life’s struggles are there for each of us to be part of, learn from and become stronger.  

I, like yourself went through peaks and valleys.  Emotions grabbed me and had a strong hold at times.  This is natural, trust me.  You too will get through this.  

When I started to write here, I wasn’t sure where it would go but I knew it wasn’t about me but about sharing a story that resonates with others, we are the same.  On this journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self or way of life.  

Metanoia.

Beauty is in all places

Ahhhh... stretch... yawn... pull the sheets back, grab my alarm and shut it off.  Drag my feet to the bathroom to start the shower and there it is.  My reflection in the mirror.  

I could laugh and say that I scream at it daily asking where the body snatchers took my youthful, slim body and replaced it with this ageing and wildly shaped one.

Oh right... I’m no longer 29 and wait for it.. I had two kids... life happens. 

I look a bit closer ... oh dang, those are what Gram use to call.. crows feet at both corners of my eyes? My hands no longer resemble the ones I had 20 years ago.  I use to think like a cocky young woman.. HA!  I’ll do my best to take care of this and watch, it will be just fine. 

ppssshhhttt.... (blowing out air with noise)

Was I wrong!  Time has no mercy.  Yep, all you young ladies.. drink that water, put the cream on stay out of the sun.  Mother nature has other plans.  

HOLD ON!

What did you get in exchange for those different shapes, lines in the face and the cracked hands?

I’ll tell you what I got.

42 years of laughter, some tears and many heart breaks.  Lessons learnt and wisdom my mother couldn’t teach as I needed to learn them on my own.  That’s my face.

My waist?  HA!  Best resignation ever.  I have not one but two beautiful boys who I admire, love and deeply cherish.  I wouldn’t trade a thing for the experiences I’ve gained.

My hands?  They’ve taken some things but I am proud to say they’ve given more.  Love, joy, happiness.  How?  Hugs, openly and full armed.  My two hands have guided not only my boys but myself.  I’ve learnt to trust them.  

So, here I am tonight typing away with them trying to tell you that beauty is in all places.  Accept who you are with what you have been given.   

What’s for you won’t pass you by.

Yesterday I spent the day in the garden.  Sun shining, music playing.  Others walking by as I hummed a tune, all the while thoughts ran through my head.  Sure things weren’t handed to me in ways that I thought they should have while I was growing up but in the long run the things I longed for when I was younger gave me more riches now as an adult.

I didn’t have money to fly to resorts, meet Mickey or lace my toes through sand.  I did have laughter, love and life.  

Now after years of doing things to provide, i’ve been given the gift of peace.  Spending the time in the yard yesterday, hands in the soft, warm soil.  Having others walk by waving and chatting.  I stopped when I came across a rock I put in the garden years ago with the word.. wisdom.  It hit me then. 

Wisdom doesn’t happen over night, it’s not paid for or given away.  I’d say that I’ve been given a little of this by living life.  

I would reflect on my past, thinking I needed to live life to it’s fullest, don’t miss a heart beat, keep on going through the rough patches.  What I missed was that I didn’t let life pass by, I was part of it all along.  I’m not missing anything like I use to believe, I’m creating it.  My life, as it engulfs me, becomes part of who I am.  

Don’t rush in the fear you are missing something.  Don’t worry that you’ve lost out on something.  

What’s for you won’t pass you by.  Create your happiness, live in this very moment.  

Wisdom is gained from trying something new.  Learning to pick yourself up after a fall.  Being kind to anyone as you do not know their battle.  Forgive quickly, smile as you never know who’s watching, hug someone with a squeeze, laugh hard and loud, remember the simple things.  

Something to lift you today...

Kindness needs nothing in return.

Weight of your words

If for one moment you think the weight of your words equal the sum of your total body weight, you could be wrong.  

Sometimes they are more.  

I’ve scoured the world for words that can make a difference in lives.  Positive, heartwarming, strengthening and forgiving.  In the process, I have come across ones that outweighed a total body mass.  

To gain from anything that is not desired will have an outcome not expected.  

For a moment take yourself back to where you were in the middle of emotion where you said something to fight back.  

*you shudder* 

That moment, you passed control from what you know and who you are.  Don’t let your mistake weigh you down, don’t let others mistakes change you and stop living in the past.  

Become a better person for yourself and you’ll notice that the weight you’ve been carrying around from yourself and others will be gone.

From the ordinary to the extra ordinary

Daily I see how many people make their ordinary day's extra ordinary.  These amazing, kind hearted people are just like you.  Someone who's experienced struggle, heart ache or tough moments in their life.  They take those moments and turn them around. 

Don't think for a moment this world is filled with angry, hurtful, spiteful people.  Believe that this world is filled with loving, kind and giving people.  Doing an act of kindness doesn't require a certificate of education, may not cost you a dime or will in any terms take away from you. 

Start with seeing the good in yourself, continue with passing it on and end with knowing you've contributed in the extra ordinary. 

Creating doubt

It can be a strong emotion.  Letting others inside your head, your thoughts rolling deep within growing doubt in your heart.  It takes one comment to tear you down from a mountain top and when it does, you wonder how strong you truly were.  Responses to these can vary depending on who you are.

I’ll admit, I’m one who’s reacted on emotion but I know better.    

Use your gut instinct and that little voice inside your head that’s screaming the truth.  

"They are wrong, you are better than that”

Take a step outside yourself and look at the surroundings as to why you feel this way.  Perhaps the words of doubt have been deep within you and you are afraid to face them using whatever means to keep your own sanity.  

Remember, this is your life.  Don’t hand the keys over to someone who will create doubt.  Your belief is the strongest thing you’ll carry.