Creating your own happiness

It's odd, when I intentionally sit down to write I don't find the words or thoughts as easily as when I do when I'm simply living life.  This morning it hit me and here I am with my hair in a bun, coffee to my left, knowing what I want to say.

Happiness.

This isn't something that can be created by force but comes naturally and in our control, no matter what anyone tells you.  

I'm like anyone else.  I have good days and I have tough days.  Those tough days happen, I have moments where I want to curl up in a ball and close the door to every one around me.  Sleep is an escape from what troubles my heart, just like many others.  

It's how I shake it off and what happens after that puts a smile on my face.  I make happiness happen without forcing the issue.  First off, I try my best to see all sides to the situation and try to choose my words carefully.  That isn't always the case but I try.  

Then, without knowing it I'll get a drop of inspiration.  This isn't as much of a creative thing as much as it is a "glass half full" attitude.  That starts daily with the moment I wake up at 5 am.  Planting my feet on the ground, I peacefully give a moment of gratitude for the ability to do this.  

I watch things.  Not TV but everything outside.  I love to hear laughter, see things happen & feel joy.  I step back from the tougher moments and absorb the benefits from each.  I live with diversity, not scheduling a life but living it.  I grasp opportunities with both hands and do my best to make the most from each moment.  

When I slip into that "slump" and want to curl up away from the world I remember this.  Happiness isn't something that someone can hand me.  It's something that I can start, something I can see, hear, smell and touch.  Happiness is in our control regardless of our circumstances, regardless of others actions.  

Create and own your happiness.

I am addicted

I could go on forever with telling you about my addictions.  It's awful.  The hardest one, I just can't shake.  The endorphins I gained when I started were, unattainable elsewhere.  My first time, I shook like a tree in a strong storm.  It rocked me to the core and left me with wanting more.  

I was 13 when I tried it the first time, it was summer.  Struggling to not become something I feared, fighting to try and see a brighter side, I knew it would be an easy slip to the other side.  I walked in, faced them all and laid it down.  I didn't know anyone but I was wanting to try it.  I wanted to make money but this was the only way to do things until I was legally ready.

My face, stark with the shot nerves, a shallow breath, heart racing, I walked forward and..

signed my first waver.  I was an official volunteer at The Millwoods Rec Centre. We organized the halloween party for those attending a swim for teens.  I honestly cannot remember the finer details but I know contests were a part of it and we had a great turn out.  
I volunteered a few places growing up, with the encouragement of my mum and gran.  I started my first job at 14 working for McDonalds.  The freedom with my first paycheque was fantastic but something was missing.  Those endorphins, they were gone.  I recall at work one time, they needed someone to learn sign language at McDonalds, I jumped to the opportunity and worked along side someone who, needed to work with the assistance of someone to communicate.  "It's back!"  I thought.  

I carried with my life doing some odd volunteering at school, writing for the paper.  As life progressed, I was caught up in the moments.  

This, isn't bad.  That was life.  It happens.  

Marriage, kids & family were important to me.  Discovering myself along the way was lost and although happiness was around me, I couldn't put a finger on what was missing.  

Now years later, I'm busy working full time, one child gone from the house and the second with his foot half way out.  I started to search for that "feeling" again.  The one that started when I was 13 years old.  I found it when helping someone, when doing RAKs (Random Acts of Kindness) then out in the community doing random volunteering.  I've been active now for over 3 years, at least one time a month, fully back in my addiction and I can say, there is no turning back this time.  

The best part?  I'm finding myself in the journey.

Amazing moments

At the end of most days, my cheeks tend to be a bit sore, from the smiles I've passed or the warmness gained from a hug as I run into a friend.  

Opportunities gained by experiences in my life are not wasted and for those moments, I am and forever will be grateful.  

Although life has trying times, I'll encourage you to turn them into life experiences where you gain from them, no matter the length of time or possible turmoil, it is a moment gained.  

We will always be faced with adversity and it is up to us on how we choose to deal with it.  How we will turn it around to be a learning experience and how to grow.  

I will take each moment in this life and do the best I can to learn, grow and become a stronger person.  Not just for myself but to show that it can be done.  

No matter the journey you are on, make it yours and make it good.

The hockey mum life

July 16, 2015 was a big day for my 14 year old son.  He told me he needs a break from hockey.  

10 years ago it all started.  We moved into our home and his father was determined to put our younger son in hockey.  He regretted not giving our older one the opportunity and there was no missing the chance this time.  Before he entered the world, I took an opportunity to get him on the ice, I had to make sure he would enjoy it.  

Jr. & I trying out the ice for the first time.

The discussion we had about it, was I am sure like any mum and dad about to enter the hockey world.  I refused to become a hockey mum that hung at the arenas at 6 am, coffee in hand, waiting for the exit from a change room after a practice or game.

A tad bit excited about his hockey gear?

He joined Knights of Columbus on the north side of our city.  My son was a year past their first year of "pre-novice" so he popped in with the other kids on the ice, myself with the camera in hand.  Parents on the sideline and some on the ice along with them.  Chairs & gliders to help the wee ones, some falling on their back ends, some on their knees.  Most getting back up and a few occasionally letting the tears flow.  

Second hockey practice, Jr. on the far left.  They were learning how to get up on skates

We quickly learned that the younger kids get the early practices.  Early as in 6 am.  I'd go give him a gentle nudge to get up so he could have at least 1 boiled egg in his belly before he skated for an hour.  Then came the fundraising, team managing & team coaching.  I discovered the vast amount of pre-packed, pre-sorted plethora of items to sell as a fundraising effort for the players.   I even developed an addiction to Tim Hortons coffee and Tim Bits (for those of you who don't know, they are tiny doughnut bites).

The games started fast and furious, I learning how to cheer without coming across as that "crazy hockey mum"  How could I do anything but cheer this kid on?  He ALWAYS had a smile on his face and I will tell you without a doubt that every family and player that came across him would agree.  

As the first few years flew by, I discovered that my first comments about being a hockey mum were completely wrong.  Hanging in the arena?  ha.. I was starting to look forward to the beginning of each season, catching up with families, seeing other kids grow & succeed, watching the changes happen.  Nothing in your life will mark time more than the kids around you.  You meet the most amazing parents who volunteer and if you are as lucky as my son has been, have guidance from them that no amount of money can match.  Those coaches (one in this photo - Lenhard, was one of my son's and my favourites) dedicate not only that 1 hour for practice, it equals to at least 2.5 to 3 hours a practice, time at home building play books, teams and dedication.  They teach respect, empathy and hard work. 

Team outing

Jr. played in what they call "house league" for most of his hockey life.  This is where the average player is ranked and placed.  It sure didn't make a difference to my son.  He still had a smile on his face, regardless of what level he played on.  He was still happy.  Happy child = happy mum.  

How to define a team?

Not only did he start to learn how to play with a team, he started to figure out how to play with a large assortment of kids, their personalities and their differences in talent.  He didn't see the "slower" boy as slow, he saw that player with an ability to watch for the pass and work together.  Jr. would always chat on the drive home about what he could do to make things smoother

The team winning Minor Hockey week

As each year passed, his ability became stronger, his passion more.  Smiling after each game, win or lose.  He quickly physically developed into one of the taller boys with the girth to match.  Not many could knock him off his skates.  In fact, one year (I recall this as if it was yesterday) he was in the corner, attempting to get the puck out of his teams zone.  Two boys, clearly skating towards him & the puck with the intent to .. well, they hit him and both bounced off backwards landing 2 feet flat on their back ends.  I laughed so hard.

Smiling in the box, my penalty boy

As time went on, practices became more frequent, hockey camps, changing hockey equipment, meeting new families, experiencing tournaments, travel and at times a wee bit of heart break from losses, I can't say I'd trade this journey for anything.  They say, kids that play team sports learn how team work is done.  I can attest, this is the truth.  My son, in his journey to every arena, every pass, every check, every goal, every win and every loss taught him more than I could have imagined.  Each other player he crossed paths with, on his team or another taught him more about life than I could have anticipated.  Sharing some fantastic experiences with family.

Then it happened.  Somewhere along the line, my son became his own person.  About 2 hockey seasons ago, (2012-2013) he started to become a leader.  

 With the smiles that lit up any change room, he wanted to figure out how to pump up the team when they needed it.  He started to give inspirational talks, cheering on the good plays and defending the bad ones.  He was given the title of Captan a few times and wearing it proudly.  He knew, the position came with a bit more work and he was willing to put it in.  Before I knew it, Jr. made the Bantam A team, then last year, the Bantam AA team.  

In late October, things took a turn.  While in a warm up, his skate caught an edge and he fell on his side.  Put his left leg out to brace the impact and it happened.  An inaudible sound came from him, he tossed his stick aside, grabbing his ankle area.  I jumped up, ran towards the glass and watched helplessly as the coaches came over, assisted him up and took him to the bench.  Within minutes, we had him loaded in the car and driving madly to the children's hospital.  All the while, he kept saying "There's gotta be worse pain than this" over and over.  He started to shake as we arrived.  Shortly after they got him in, they confirmed a broken ankle, surgery to be done the following day.  All the while, he was making plans to get to the next game to watch the boys win.  Of course, he never did.  Some of them though, came to the hospital to cheer him up, including his head coach Garret.  (last name with held out of respect).  Jr. kept telling them all, he would be back.  

 

Within a few days, he held true to his word.  Attending almost every practice and yes, every game.  He started to find his purpose.  He started to give them inspiration.  Regardless of what he was unable to do, he explained to the other players how they need to fight for a win as much as they need to breathe.  

 

Jr. dressing up for every game.

His first practice after the break

He stood his ground when things were tough and wanted them to believe in themselves as much as he believed in them.  Everyone, including the coach didn't think he'd make it back this past season.  He was willing to prove them wrong.  Back on the ice by the end of December, he was ready to get into the game.  

His first game

Now, as some of you know, a parents nightmare is seeing their child fall, seeing them hurt and fearing failure.  Perhaps, his leaving hockey can be viewed as this but I don't.  What did he gain?  He gained more than any educational institution can teach in a life time.  Confidence.  He received an award this year, as far as I'm concerned the best one out there.  

Most Sportsman Like.  

Why do I think he received this?  I think you know, if you read all of this, you know why.  

So, as I never had a chance to be in the arena, knowing full well it would be his last game, I regret nothing.  Nodda.  For those he played with, against and for, I owe you a life time of gratitude.  

For helping me raise one incredible kid, who with your help I know deep down will succeed in life no matter what he does, where he goes.  Thank you for the countless hours, trying times and compassion you showed.  Thank you for the years of coffee, chats, understanding and love.  I hope to join you at an arena near by this upcoming season.  I will yell chicken wing for your kid and yes, they will know what that mean.

All my love,

Nicky

Go ahead, yell

I've read some interesting articles about behaviour.  How it is important to respect what is around you.  To hold your tongue and react properly to what is in your surroundings.

Good gravy!  How are we to cross the road to the other side of feeling better when we hold it all in?  Did you know that shouting releases endorphins, stress & let's out what is holding you back?

The other day, I was given an amazing opportunity to do something I've never done, never seen.  Inside though?  I wanted to yell.  I always wondering why people do this.  Now, going through life, I understand.  It's to help let go.  I didn't yell, I didn't say what I needed to say but I have full intentions to do this in the very near future.  

I want to say these things though.

Thank you to my grandmother who told me to speak my mind but hold my chest out proudly. 

Thank you to my mother who taught me to stand on my own.

Thank you to my brothers, sisters, cousins who have shown me unconditional love, forgiveness and kindness. 

Thank you to my friends, those who laugh at me, love me and give me the push I've needed.  

Now for you?  Hold your heart out, fill it with gratitude & be the change you want to see.  I've started years ago and I wouldn't change who I've become for anything in this world.  Brighter things are coming for you!

Children's perspective

Among the amazing gifts I've been given with the lives of my two boys, their perspective has been the greatest.  

Many years ago, I saw my child's perspective when I lost myself in reaction to something that happened. Many of us don't ever want to admit that we lose ourselves in emotions.  I did change from that moment on though.  

I strove to be a better parent & role model.  I started to become stronger, I started to trust my gut and not let the opinion of others guide me.  I had not made the worst decisions prior but I lost control of who I wanted to become and had handed the keys to others who truly did not know any better.

Now, 295 months later I've discovered the keys to building a strong relationship.  Not all the keys, just some of the good ones.  I've tossed the old rusty keys that opened the doors to frustration, anger and control.  Those doors are closed now and I plan on walking towards the good ones, holding the keys to my future and giving the keys to my boys for theirs.  

Times I'd reflect on now are ones of laughter, ones that built strength and ones that make me feel at peace.  

My first son, at his grade 9 grad, his grade 12 grad, his independence with trips & friends, developing his own opinion (even if I disagree), standing his ground, finding love and most importantly, finding himself.

My second son, at his grade 9 grad, overcoming adversity, discovering his abilities, always questioning and wanting to learn.  He is discovering who he is every day.  Learning his ground is only as strong as his faith in himself.  

I made a promise to myself years ago to be the change I want to see, as I see the change in their eyes, their words & their actions.  Remember, your children will become what they live.

  

Do something different for a change

Today I did a first.  I ran (I should say that lightly as it was about 75% running) my first 5k registered run.  Surprisingly, it was easier than I anticipated.  The last few years, I've been increasing my walks, activity and decreasing time sitting on a couch watching TV.  Most of my down time at home is here writing or facebooking.  (hey, we all have a vice right?)

Well, let me tell you some things I picked up on in small journey.

About 2 weeks ago, I received an email at work from our local Ronald McDonald house asking for volunteers.  At work, we have a group of amazing people who come together to help a handful of non for profits that are in need of volunteers.  We all jump to the call to action when we can and at times, are the recipient of something returned in kind.  This one was fun.  After you volunteered, you were able to participate in the run for no cost.  

Last night along with a friend, I volunteered to toss color at runners as they approached the "purple" station.  Now, my friend who i've been lucky to have in my life now for 10 years, joined me.  It was actually more physically demanding doing this than we anticipated, injuries incurred but the laughs we had were out standing.  I am talking about gut busting, rolling on the ground laughter.  Something we both were in need of.  We forgot everything outside of this and had sore tummies, cheeks & feet.  We also met some amazing folks while doing this!

The following day, our plans were to meet at 9 am, drive over and get in the race.  Arriving shortly after and getting the lay of the "race" land, we got in line.  Now keep in mind, Mel sustained an injury to her foot last night so our ability to run wasn't as strong but she helped me with pace and at times, we walked.  We also talked.  We did run about 75% of the track and I am happy to say that it was much easier than I anticipated.  I did hear some girls say near the end.. "Oh thank god it's almost over!"  I looked at Mel and said "I was thinking, I am hoping there is more!"  we laughed again.  Crossed the finish line and talked about other possible races.  "Pace yourself Nic, get ready for next year and we can do lots!"  I laughed but agreed whole heartily.  

I got it though.  

Why do I volunteer so much?  It feels SO DAMN GOOD!  It soothes my soul.  It's therapy for my heart.  I always put 110% into it and come out feeling 100% better than what I did when I started.  The best part?  It helps someone other than me.   I get why my Gran did it so much.  She did say it made her feel younger, so I get it.  More than I anticipated. 

I get why some people run now.  It's fun, it's addicting, it's energizing & self challenging.  I understand why people do some of the things they do and it's always good.  I don't mind hopping on a band wagon with whomever wants to join in or suggest something I've never done.  As long as it's healthy both mentally and physically.  

So go out there, volunteer and do something you've never done before.  You might be more like me than you know.  You might surprise yourself too.

Team work and respect can play in parenting, here's why.

Anyone who has been on a sports team for long enough can tell you that each player has a position, a task if I may.  Their role is to assist the entire team to obtain their goal.  To win.  This is called "Team work".

While I was growing up, I may not have seen what my mum was trying to do.  I would guess, she was unaware of it too but it came naturally to her and we all did what we were told.  Why?  Respect.

The two above statements seem completely opposite but in fact, they fit together like a puzzle piece.  Are you reading this wondering where I'm going?

I will start with the latter comment.  

Respect

Growing up with many siblings, foster kids coming and going & moving often we learnt several strategies many other kids were not privy to.  It sounds odd but no truer words rang in my mind.  We learnt acceptance and respect early.  Often told, the most important things in life were the roof over our heads, food in our belly and clothing on our backs.  I, for one, can attest to the simple fact of not knowing what was out there was a blessing.  I didn't really care when I was a young child.  Life was simple.  

Now for the first comment.  

Team work.

This tied into our childhood.  Due to moving often & having a home open to emergency foster children we had to have a simple routine.  Each of us had a task and were taught how to complete it in the best way we knew how.  Laughing back at my comments on how we thought mum just had kids to do her dirty work was narrow minded.  That wasn't her but what was, we didn't see.  At least for me, not until recently.  

She was extremely big hearted and taught us that everyone in our family had a role to play.  We had to respect her choices, even if we disliked them, accept what decisions she made and work as a team.  

Now as a mum myself, I've often used the phrase "team work" with my children.  I stress to them that I will not pay allowance as I've never been given a dime to do their laundry.  My job is to raise responsible, kind, hard working & compassionate children that, one day will do the same, if not better with their own.

Families need to work together now, more so than before.  Most homes have both parents working to provide the essentials.  If you have a child in other activities outside of regular school, you know the time commitment & financial costs.   It isn't up to the mum and dad to run the entire show but to set an example of how team work and respect come into play at home.  Communication is key to a successful team and when you've discovered how best your family can work together then you are on a path to a stronger family.

Finally, with the little bit of time you invest to showing your kids how to sweep or cook you are building a strong foundation.  You are giving them confidence, knowledge & power.  You are handing the keys over to them for a successful start in life.  

Gaining from grand moments

I feel the last week has flown by as quickly as my dreams escape after waking in the brisk morning.  

A rollercoaster of emotions go through my heart when I speak to my children.  They will always be my babies, no matter their age.  

Last Friday, I learnt that my older son has officially completed his Red Seal.  This, which I've been told his quite difficult.  Regardless, my pride is beaming and the smile couldn't be wider.  Challenging yourself is a difficult thing to do, more so when the light at the end can appear dim.  He's not let that dissuade his end result.  For that alone, I am proud.

Earlier this week, my younger son told me of his plans. Now, keep in mind at 14 what child starts to develop their plans and come to you with what they need to do to achieve the end goals.  More so, with humour.  He proceeds to tell me a list of 4 goals.  Let me share with you, albeit with a bit of modesty.  

1. Let luck play out with life.
2. Get a degree.
3. Make the NHL.
4. Make the NHL & get a degree.

I asked him what was the order.  

1. Make the NHL & get a degree.
2. Make the NHL.
3. Get a degree.
4. Let luck play out with life.

I had to ask;

"What do you mean by letting luck play out with life?"

His reply;

"Mum, luck has nothing to do with it.  I know that it's completely in my control as to where my life will go, I was just trying to be funny."

I was in awe with his wisdom at such a young age.  I asked him a few other questions.

"Hun, what do you need to do to achieve your goals?"

His response was matter of fact;

"Mum, I know I need to continue with my education, which is why I plan on working hard in high school to get as many bursaries to help me along the way.  As for the NHL, I need to get into better shape physically and I might have a shot." 

As his mum, I will NOT dissuade his dreams, the passion he has to achieve it.  He's fully aware of the percentages & odds but that won't stop him.  He plans on helping others work towards their goals, already stating he wants to help coach kids as soon as he's allowed.  

I've been given the best gifts in my life.  No matter the amount of time with each, I sit here tonight with pride for both of my boys that not one person can measure.  Not a price can be placed on how I feel as a mum, I love them both equally, with a bursting heart, I know they will be okay. I've gained more from having children that anyone may ever know.