I am addicted

I could go on forever with telling you about my addictions.  It's awful.  The hardest one, I just can't shake.  The endorphins I gained when I started were, unattainable elsewhere.  My first time, I shook like a tree in a strong storm.  It rocked me to the core and left me with wanting more.  

I was 13 when I tried it the first time, it was summer.  Struggling to not become something I feared, fighting to try and see a brighter side, I knew it would be an easy slip to the other side.  I walked in, faced them all and laid it down.  I didn't know anyone but I was wanting to try it.  I wanted to make money but this was the only way to do things until I was legally ready.

My face, stark with the shot nerves, a shallow breath, heart racing, I walked forward and..

signed my first waver.  I was an official volunteer at The Millwoods Rec Centre. We organized the halloween party for those attending a swim for teens.  I honestly cannot remember the finer details but I know contests were a part of it and we had a great turn out.  
I volunteered a few places growing up, with the encouragement of my mum and gran.  I started my first job at 14 working for McDonalds.  The freedom with my first paycheque was fantastic but something was missing.  Those endorphins, they were gone.  I recall at work one time, they needed someone to learn sign language at McDonalds, I jumped to the opportunity and worked along side someone who, needed to work with the assistance of someone to communicate.  "It's back!"  I thought.  

I carried with my life doing some odd volunteering at school, writing for the paper.  As life progressed, I was caught up in the moments.  

This, isn't bad.  That was life.  It happens.  

Marriage, kids & family were important to me.  Discovering myself along the way was lost and although happiness was around me, I couldn't put a finger on what was missing.  

Now years later, I'm busy working full time, one child gone from the house and the second with his foot half way out.  I started to search for that "feeling" again.  The one that started when I was 13 years old.  I found it when helping someone, when doing RAKs (Random Acts of Kindness) then out in the community doing random volunteering.  I've been active now for over 3 years, at least one time a month, fully back in my addiction and I can say, there is no turning back this time.  

The best part?  I'm finding myself in the journey.