Giving strength when letting go

When growing up, a child wishes to be accepted, loved and sheltered unconditionally.  A child unknowingly will trust whoever holds the closest, as if it is love at first sight.  Laughter, snuggles and held hands payed in return, in full.  The same, unconditionally.  

As a young teen, that child may doubt themselves.  Your guidance and unconditional love will help your child gain confidence and self worth.  

Growing up to become a young adult, they will want to break free but will glance back at you while your confidence starts to shatter, did you show them everything you wanted?  It’s a fear you never disclose, a crack in your exterior shell you’ve held together for years.  One that you never shed so they would never become who you have.  

Given the same chance, would your world be different?  Choices made in your life for love or for survival?  Whatever the reason, you made it this far, you can keep on going.  Your belief in things getting better is stronger than your fear of it falling apart.

The best part of falling down

The best part in life is learning.  About everything around you.  The second part?  Finding out that it's okay. 

How we react to situations, how we feel and what we say.  We are all going through this situation for the first time. 

Whatever challenge you are facing today, remember that it's going to be okay.  The biggest lesson to learn about it is, you have to get back up. 

The reward?

Knowing you can.  You can get back up.  You can face the day, the moment, your situation.  It may have been tough but it will get easier.  Each time you fall, you'll brush off yourself and start again.

I tell my kids that it's okay to fail.  It is more important to recover from it and try again.  Success isn't measured by anything other than your happiness. 

Head up darling, you will be okay, you will succeed.

Reflections of a childhood truth

After a few days here at home, helping my young guy recover I am exhausted.  More so mentally.  

As a parent, your emotions usually get tucked away and your children’s safety comes first.  This past week was no exception.  My son, with a broken ankle had thrown me through a loop.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t an emotional wreck.  I jumped up into action but tucked my emotions away until he was sedated for surgery.  I walked out of the OR and had a bit of a cry.  Shook it off and then sat to watch time pass until he safely came out.

Now, a few days later.  He’s starting to get around the house, we’ve been lent a water proof boot to put over his cast and he’s showered.  (thank god, boys smell)!  

What I’ve noticed that’s changed?  He’s full of apprehension.  This break changed my confident, happy-go-lucky young man and it kinda put’s me in a fowl mood!  Now, I won’t admit that to him as it’s not his fault but, damn it this break isn’t going to win.  

He’s afraid of stairs, of falling, of losing balance of simply getting up to try something.  

Then I thought of something.  He’s my younger self but without a broken leg. 

I was afraid to go outside my comfort zone as a child.  I was afraid to trust myself.  

Actually, most times now as an adult, I am afraid to trust myself... but I do.  

Lesson learnt these past few days?

Do NOT let fear control your actions!  

If you are a parent, your child will learn not to trust themselves if they sniff an ounce of doubt coming from you.  

As an individual person?  If you are doubting an action, as yourself the “w’s”.  

Who, what, where, when and why.

Will it hurt anyone, including yourself?  

Mostly, above all?  Trust your gut.  

Good gravy, I LOVE being a parent.  I’ve been learning more than any classroom could teach me.  Tomorrow, I’m going to let my son head back to school on his own.  He is going to be a bit afraid but he will learn that things will get better, easier and he can move on.  

Beauty from the inside

Evolution of parenthood.

I have my inner woman giggling at the smallest insight, telling me to not forget this one.

Our parents, growing up had many belief’s, sayings and nothing was different, nor would it ever be.  Not in their eyes. 

We will ALL see things change.  That is the one most constant thing in life.  

When I was a child, adults use to tell me “You are to be seen, not heard” or “Do as I say, NOT as I do”.

Those did’t work so well.  We were always loud.  5 boys, 2 girls?  Let’s get real, for both of those sayings, that is 100% the truth.      

This weekend has been a prime example of how things have changed.

I do not want my children to do the same as me, in fact, I want them to do everything better.  

This weekend is a prime example.  

My younger son, while playing hockey fell.  Into the boards and the boards won.  His yelling from the ice was indescribable.  Loud, painful and it took everything in me to stop from running to the ice and try to help.  We drove to the hospital, the entire time he was saying, “there has to be worse pain than this” over and over.  Arriving, I ran in to get a wheelchair trying to keep my cool.  

X-rays, resetting of the bone and lots of medication they confirmed it.  He broke his ankle.  Not just an easy break, what they called a “spiral fracture”  Not in one place but two.  They would have to do surgery, they would have to put him under.  NOT what I wanted to hear nor what I anticipated.  

All the while, he’s telling me it’s going to be okay.  Surgery happens and he’s settled in a room he is sharing with another child.  She’s 6 years old and we find out, she’s being treated for seizures.  She had surgery on her brain but she’s as chatty as the next child without any struggles.  She keeps asking her momma about school.  When can she return?  Asking about the days of the week, months, about everything that is going through her mind.  These thoughts go through my mind.  I miss my children being so inquisitive the other hoping she will recover.

Arthur though, after he started to come around noticed the little voice on the other side of the curtain.  This put a smile on his face.  He kept saying “mum, are you listening to this”?  We would giggle quietly at her enthusiasm.  

At one point, I went to get my son a glass of water and this little girls mum was in the kitchen with me.  Of course, I asked about what brought her here and her prognosis.  Her mum, telling me in detail the “W’s”.  As we casually walked back, she asked me about my son.  I returned to Arthur with his glass of water and we chatted a bit more until visitors started to arrive.  

Arthur didn’t complain of pain after the surgery, he didn’t complain about anything actually.  He had more gratitude than I anticipated.  

What I want to say after that long winded exposure of our personal lives is this.

I’ve changed as a mum.  Perhaps to the misfortune of my first son and fortune of my second?  I’ve learnt to give more than receive.  I’ve learnt to stop assuming others choices, actions or behaviour.  I’ve discovered the “other side to the story” and that endurance is a form of compassion.  

Now though?  My son is taking it to another level, at the age of 14 not 42.  

He has stronger values & convictions.  

He wasn’t afraid of the break but of the pain & he faced it.  He then saw the beauty in what was around him.  He was grateful for the help he received.  When he was told about the little girl, he felt sympathy for her and put himself aside.  Learning to walk with crutches, he is willing to do it on his own even though fear creeps into his head, he still tries.  

I am proud of how he’s changing & becoming better than me at such an early age.  I see the evolution happening.  

When I’m asked this, I usually shy away from the truth

These past few years, I have been trying to model my life after those who inspire me.  I’ve found it to be somewhat of an escape.  

When I started to volunteer, I found I was less focused on the issues at hand.  At home, near and far.  

I’ve been asked, why I am so busy, all the time?

Why?  

I’ve discovered that when I give back, I lose focus on what brings me down, what I am afraid to face.  In the comfort of giving back, I forget about the things that are going on in my life and feel better.  

I wouldn’t be completely truthful if I said that when I return to the issues, they are gone.  They still exist.  That being said... they are just easier to face because they don’t seem as big as they did at first.

I suppose you could say it’s a 24 hour rule for myself.  It helps me re-evaluate life.  

Sometimes giving to others, reaps more benefits that you know.

What I discovered while I lost these women

Almost 14 years ago, I sat with Judy, my step mother in law.  In a small room at a care centre just spending time together.  One moment she was talking to me, another, her head laid to the side as she took her final breath.

Just under 2 years ago, my grandmother Nancy left us.  I would sit beside her every few days, holding her hand singing and talking to her.  That final moment she left, my heart broke.  She didn’t remember me those last few weeks.

A year ago, early October.  My friends daughter Crystal fought the battle of a life time at an early age.  Her moments before she escaped to a pain free world, she asked me about my life.  

Each of these women who had entered my life at one point or another helped me discover more about myself than I thought I ever had.

Judy never stopped being who she was.  She never conceded to another’s request to change.  She became the woman she was because she wanted to.  I started to believe in myself and my path in that moment.

My grandmother, who never stopped giving, never stopped teaching, taught me compassion, forgiveness and fortitude.  

Crystal.  Oh boy.  She taught me to believe in love.  She fought like a wolf but laughed like a 5 year old child.  No matter the adversity, she faced what she had and used it as if it were the best tool in her tool box.  

No matter how hard it may have been to let go, I figured that instead of being angry at whatever took them, I would carry their torch with me for the remainder of my life.  I would take those bits of them and put it in my beliefs.  Oddly, it’s made me a happier person.  I would rather capture the best part of the worst moments in my life than any alternative given.  I’ve discovered so many things about who I am today than I thought I would in this life time.  

I guess, you could say that moving forward may be one of our toughest moments in life but without moving forward, we only fall back.  

What I will not do for my kids

All these past years, while being a mum, I’ve given thought to what I’d do for my kids.

I’d give them the last bite of food in the house before eating it.  I would stay up late reading until they fell asleep.  Wash their sheets after a long night of upset tummies and a warm place to lay when they’ve had a nightmare.  I’d show them it’s okay to cry, be angry and how to forgive.  I’ll show them the moon and stars, how to grow a plant from a seed and how to harvest a vegetable after a summer of nurturing them day in and day out.  I will keep my word, my promise, my love, unconditionally.  

I will tell them how much they mean to me, each and every time I lay my eyes on them.  I will nurture each question with a question to help them process their thoughts.  I will keep them safe, warm and happy until my last breath has been taken.

What will I not do?   I will not suppress their curiosity.  I will not make them be like me.  I will not tell them how to choose something, rather I will offer options and help them choose for themselves.  I will not force them to be someone they are not, I will not ever stifle their creativity nor will I help others suppress my child's ideas.  

I will be their mum, until my last breath is taken, I will not ever stop loving them.  

Though each moment

I, like you have bright, wonderful days but as bright as they can be, some day’s are dark.  I fall between cracks at times, doubting where life is taking me, my choices I’ve made, then the most amazing thing happens... 

I am given a moment of laughter.  The clouds separate and sun shines again.  

I was driving to a local grocery store when behind me, a man, perhaps the same age as me but with much longer hair than I, was driving his van.  

I dislike to stereotype but most of us that drive a mini van have more than one child, living a busy life style.  

This man... could have been driving a sports car, with the top down and music blaring.  He was not only driving but (through my rear view mirror), he was singing, quite liberally I might add, swaying his head back and forth all the while his hair flying.

Not what I expected at all.  The smile stayed on my face for the remainder of the day, in fact, it remains planted in my thoughts to remind me ... lighted up girl.  Let go of what you can’t control and mostly, enjoy what is around you, right now in this very moment. 

Thanks for, forgiving

On Monday, October 13th Canada’s will be celebrating Thanksgiving.  I’ve been reflecting on this date and what it means to me.  

As you, I’ve been living a life.  Along with that, I experience some amazing, wonderful and kind events,  I’ve also seen some harder ones.  Some, during the time, feeling as though it’s not going to get better.  Some moments, as though the sun couldn’t shine brighter.  

I’m not going to reflect on harder times in a negative light but in a better, brighter light.  

I don’t want to believe I am alone when I say, hardships, at times can bring a weight that wants to break us.  

It didn’t.  Nor will you.

They actually make us stronger.  

I know, it’s not fair.  Not right to bring us here to experience something so hard that the world feels against us, the weight of the burdens crush us.  

It is though, no different than getting off the couch and facing the outside, walking and breathing in fresh air.  The more we do it, the better we start to feel physically and emotionally.  We need to own the weight we carry but we also are the only ones to let the weight go.  

Like taking a walk outside, with the fresh, crisp autumn air, exhaling after each step, letting go of the weight inside.  

We become stronger with every moment that passes.  Those heavy weights no longer seem like a burden but a lesson learnt.  Now, with the fresh sight we’ve gained, we know that today, if only in this moment, all will be okay.  

No one knows where our paths are going and mostly, where they will end up.  

I am thankful for each experience I’ve had.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  

Without those, I wouldn’t have become the woman I am today.  

this is my choice

Daily, I am given a choice the moment my body wakes. To believe how my day will be.

I choose each morning to wake with a positive view. I choose to put my feet firmly on the ground and face the challenges ahead of me.

I will refuse to let someone's negative behaviour, choices or actions control me, my thoughts more so, my reactions.

The key for me each moment I breathe?  It's all my choice. It should be yours too.

Best fitting underwear

Most people are on that search for the most comfortable pair of underwear.  Now, keep in mind they have to look good under clothing while suppressing any areas we don’t see fit.

There are ones for women that go down to almost to the knees and can reach to just below our breasts.  Wires, elastics, lace and plastic!  

I imagine there are ones similar for men.  I’ve seen a few where there are holders for your bits down there. 

I’ve seen underwear that are made of satin, cotton, polyester, wool and who knows what else.  Even the underwear that has hardly any material, way too much thought had gone into those little string things!  

As you and I know, life unfolds  like underwear.  It’s kinda funny that way.  

The more we complicate our lives with “things” the harder it is to clean up.  You know as much as I do, we don’t need a pricey car, we don’t need that house on the hill and we don’t need as many items in our lives to make it more comfortable.  

I tend to watch the news in the morning and switch everything off after work.  I come home and lay down for 30 minutes.  To rest my thoughts, my body so that I can do again what I need to do which is be with my family.  Dinner, a walk, house chores and then some personal down time.  I read.

I suppose this morning, when I woke up I had an odd thought.  Life is like underwear.  The more we think we need, the more complicated it can become.  In all honesty, we just need something simple, soft and durable.  To help hold it all together.  Nothing fancy but something we can replace easily that won’t break our bank.  

Have a wonderful day everyone and happy shopping!