What I discovered while I lost these women

Almost 14 years ago, I sat with Judy, my step mother in law.  In a small room at a care centre just spending time together.  One moment she was talking to me, another, her head laid to the side as she took her final breath.

Just under 2 years ago, my grandmother Nancy left us.  I would sit beside her every few days, holding her hand singing and talking to her.  That final moment she left, my heart broke.  She didn’t remember me those last few weeks.

A year ago, early October.  My friends daughter Crystal fought the battle of a life time at an early age.  Her moments before she escaped to a pain free world, she asked me about my life.  

Each of these women who had entered my life at one point or another helped me discover more about myself than I thought I ever had.

Judy never stopped being who she was.  She never conceded to another’s request to change.  She became the woman she was because she wanted to.  I started to believe in myself and my path in that moment.

My grandmother, who never stopped giving, never stopped teaching, taught me compassion, forgiveness and fortitude.  

Crystal.  Oh boy.  She taught me to believe in love.  She fought like a wolf but laughed like a 5 year old child.  No matter the adversity, she faced what she had and used it as if it were the best tool in her tool box.  

No matter how hard it may have been to let go, I figured that instead of being angry at whatever took them, I would carry their torch with me for the remainder of my life.  I would take those bits of them and put it in my beliefs.  Oddly, it’s made me a happier person.  I would rather capture the best part of the worst moments in my life than any alternative given.  I’ve discovered so many things about who I am today than I thought I would in this life time.  

I guess, you could say that moving forward may be one of our toughest moments in life but without moving forward, we only fall back.