Defining moments

Life’s defining moments are not always presented in times of clarity but when the water is murky and the battles seem to be hard to win.  

As a parent, it came to me why there is not a single book out there that tells us exactly how to raise a child.  We are all different and so are they.  We need to acknowledge this and be the parent to each child in a way that might suit them best.  

I’m not saying with a heavy hand, with negative words but with patience, with kindness and with, above all the same way we all wanted to be heard as a child.  Leading by example is the biggest lesson for both young and old.  

So remember, when you are at a wit’s end and that child of yours is testing you, where was your head at that age?  

If I could...

Share a dream, another thought to pass it on, I would. 

Each day, I've treated my children as though they are the future. I want them to share their dreams, live their lives as though tomorrow may not come, as though the stranger they pass may need a smile, each penny count and that memories carry more value than any item they will own. 

If I could pass anything in this life on, it will be to know there is something bigger out there for them and to not give up their dreams, to live in each moment. 

So, I am here now.  I will share a dream, I will pass it on.  Forever through my children. I have more value in a moment than an item, I will smile at a stranger, I will live each moment as my last. 

I hope you can too. 

Ripples in the water

I see it, the change and how it is starting to happen.

We are changing from a “Me” world to a “We” world.

Where we stop thinking about ourselves, stop obsessing about the next big thing and start thinking about others.  Although it’s been a tough turn around, I see it happening.  Kindness and charity are showing more often, patience and humility are not only seen, but felt.  

Don’t worry if you are afraid that the small gesture seemed to be unnoticed, or the fact that you stepped up for someone who couldn’t but no thank you was mentioned.  Your actions, as little or unnoticed as you may think they are, help shape and change the world.  That one word you changed today in your vocabulary will have an effect on the word chosen by the next person, and so on.

Go ahead nay-sayers, do your best but you know it’s happening too.  

Every little rock that hit’s the water, will have a ripple effect.  Things are changing.  

Don’t blink

In a blink of a moment, life changes, life passes.

These past few weeks our TV has been bombarded with horrible news such as; 
war, racism, death and poverty.  It’s hard not to become a bit down and much harder at times to see the good in life.

When it does happen though, don’t blink. 

I’ve also seen instances of grace.  Where others put aside their belief’s to help another, where life is created when it’s not expected and moments fulfilled with gratitude.

Asking why is a good thing, it leads you to knowledge.  Don’t hold off to ask the questions, don’t worry what others think, if you want to join in on a cause but can’t afford to donate, just do it.  Help when others aren’t looking and know your limits.

When you doubt your reasons, you are holding back something spectacular.  Something inside wants to do it, so why wait?  

Life passes too quickly, so take a chance, take that moment.  Love deeply, live with no regrets and laugh.  Don’t worry about tomorrow, it hasn’t happened yet, simply live for this very moment.

Laugh at yourself when things are tough... I did and you will laugh too.

Life has it’s up’s and downs.  You are not alone when I say that someday’s health can get in the way.

Lately for me, it’s been a battle and last night was no exception.  

I hit the Dr’s last week and she not only sent me for more tests but suggested that I take an over the counter “treatment” and perhaps this would make the situation better.  

Off I go, on my clueless way trusting the Dr.’s, her suggestions and hoping to feel better soon.

I find myself at the pharmacy with help looking for this “specific” product.

“okay, right then.  You say this is gentle enough for pregnant women and seniors”?  
“oh, for sure, it should take about a week to work and it should help”.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am a “regular” girl.  It is, after all what the Dr. ordered.  She even said, it may take a few days and is not an evasive treatment.  

I think you should know by now what I am talking about.  

I get home after all of my shopping and get busy with life.  A few days pass, this “treatment” stares at me.... “I guess I should start my therapy”.  

I prepare dinner for the boys and grab a glass of ice cold water (as recommended).  A cup full of this powder, mix and drink as fast as possible.  (I don’t care what they say, this stuff is horrible tasting)!

I take a few bits of dinner and another glass of JUST water.

Okay, good.  Done for today and on with life.  

The following day, I wake and head to work.  With of course some wonderful salmon, a bit of hummus and zucchini, my apple and an orange.  I love to eat healthy, I feel better about the snacking all day long.  

3:30 rolls around, I had to return an item to our company mail room.  While chatting with co-workers in the mail room I buckle over in pain.  

“Oh dear... it must have been the salmon”.  

I say my bits and leave back to my desk so I can pack up and head home.  As I get to my car, the pain increases.  I jump inside, turn the ignition and there in front of me is not a good sign.

30k to empty... I start to wonder... can I make it home?  

I turn out of the parking lot, head on the quickest route.  Left, right.  Lights.... I am breaking into a sweat.  The pain has increased and is moving down from my upper abdomen.  My tummy is now making inaudible sounds similar to the ones that they create in horror movies.  

oh dear .. gawd.  

2nd traffic circle.. I start to think horrible things about people.  This is not me.  I tell my boys to let things be but in this instance, NO BLOODY WAY!

The sounds from my belly are getting louder, the pain has increased to almost intolerable.  I’m afraid I might have to get my car detailed or even more so, just leave it by the roadside.  

I peel into my driveway, grab my bags and quicken my pace into the home where I, yes dash into the room of choice to “ease” the pain.  

Oh dear ... gawd.

Then it happens... life flashes back to a week ago.

The Dr.... This is her doing!

"Oh, (she said), this is gentle enough for pregnant women and seniors...”  BLOODY HELL IT IS!  I gave birth to 2 children, I don’t recall this!

“It should take a week” she said... What it takes a week for pregnant women or seniors took less than 24 hours on me.  

I manage to make it to the bed after what felt like the ending to this horror movie, the monster removed and healing will begin.  I feel so violated.  

Like any horror movie though, there is always a false ending... 

I ran back to the room of choice to battle this monster and I am quite sure it’s winning.  Please, dear lord take me now.  I am almost crying.  I return to the bed, fetal position gently sobbing.  I think I won.  I will survive.

I get a text from my husband,

“Would you be okay with me picking up some KFC”?

He’s suggesting / asking me this as it’s my least favourite fast food but once a year I’ll go for it... today was that day.  I needed grease in my belly to absorb this horrible monster.  

“YES, please”.

Silence from the phone..

“is this Nicole”?

I sent a photo ... and 25 minutes later after a few large sips of Pepito Bismol I’m actually eating.  

“Do your job dirty bird, do your job”

And so, in the end.  I beat the monster in this horrible horror movie.  

Small hands, empty pockets but the biggest heart

Do you ever wonder what drives someone to do what they do?  

It’s something that crosses my mind daily.  

Why does a person hit another?  Why would another use words to make someone feel small?

Why would a person do an act of kindness to that person after what they did? 

Faith.  

In human kind.  No matter the deed, there is a small amount of good in each of us.  Empathy is a hard lesson to learn but is something with in all of us.  Something we need to use from time to time.

This doesn’t mean that you need to hug your enemies, I’m simply saying...

Turn your anger into something positive, perhaps one day, your small hands and empty pockets will be filled with the biggest of hearts.  

Finding balance

Many times we say, “later”.  

I’ll get to it,

do it,

see it,

complete it... 

later.

Later may never come.  The biggest challenge is finding the balance for yourself.  

"I’ll complete that part of my education later, first the house needs to be cleaned”.

"I’ll start putting my health first, getting back into shape, when the children’s activities are done”.

The list can keep going, excuses can keep happening.  The time is now to find that balance where you do something each day to make your life better.  

Stop living to die. 

I say this to you as each day you let go by, is another day you live to die.  

Live life, live now.  

Each small success you have daily is a step towards a better life filled with happiness which is, in the end only created by you.  

Find balance in life to be happy.

Disregarding the obvious

It’s Friday evening and all is quiet around this home.  I find my mind drifting to another place, many years ago.  

It’s a small moment in time where worries didn’t matter and laughter was in abundance.

When my boys were young.  

Those moments of making faces, teaching how to do silly sounds and listening to their voices.  

Their ideas, their thoughts and their dreams.

We tend to forget what we were like as children and being around the younger ones in our lives brings us back to that simplicity.  

What I would do to go back in time, perhaps to my childhood where watching the sky, forming shapes with clouds and just singing as I skipped down the sidewalk.  

Or perhaps just back up a few years where laughter filled this home.  Nerf gun fights in the middle of the coldest days of winter, water gun fights outside on the warmest days of summer.  Evenings curled up reading a book with complete animation or baking cookies together.  Nothing in this world can replace the joy of time spent together.

Please, do not disregard the obvious.  Before you know, it’s gone.

Keeping the keys

Listen, we all put value in everything else around us before us. 

You need to change that culture and start with what is most important.  This doesn't mean you are be selfish, this means you take care of what's important first.  Yourself.

In life, we will hold things before us such as our jobs, our possessions and others opinions. 

Start with what you think of you.  Think of  what you do on a daily basis.  The decisions are not made by others, they are made by what you think is right or wrong.  Sometimes, we don't have the strength to stand up for what we believe in but don't worry, that comes with time. 

Once you know that there will be another day, another job, another person in your life you may start to let go of the things that upset you, control your reactions and you start to let things roll off you.  You start to control your future, your life and your happiness. 

This body, this life you have is a one shot deal.  Treat it as such.  Keep the keys to your heart, head and soul in your hands.  Steer your vehicle in the direction you want. 

If only, for a moment

You have a chance to change a life, what would you do?

Did you know that a simple gesture, a smile or even a hug can change someone's life.

Don't be afraid to open yourself up to something.  Not matter the cost, it may be worth it knowing you changed a life for the better. 

We are not alone, we are not as different as others may think.  All of us going through something and we all need a shoulder. 

Not . One . Single . Person

can carry the weight of the world alone.  Even if it's you. 

Be the one to let someone know that it's okay. 

Live a little

We are all strongly focused on living life in the past with negative that at times, we forget how to live in the present with the positive.

We all know what happened, how history repeats itself and what to do to stop things from happening but most times, we use the hurt and anger to get in the way of living life.  

We all need to stop that action of living in the past with negative and start by building a positive future.  

Right here, at this very place is where you should be.  It may not be what your idea of life is but if it’s not ask yourself what you need to do to be there? 

I may not have the perfect job with the best pay but I have a job and it pays me.  I will build on what I have and do with what I can.  I will create something, not only for myself but for others which will include my children and their children.

Remember, it’s up to you and only you to live a life.  

Live it well.

Getting to see the naked

Another day passes as we lay our heads down to rest our bodies.  

What about your mind and soul?  When was the last time you took a moment to turn things off and simply let go?

After you read this, take a moment and turn as much off as possible.  

Start with your TV, phone, computer, ipad / tablet, books... whatever you have going on 

Just stop.

Look outside and see what’s going on, look at what are people actually doing.  Look at their faces, make eye contact and smile.

Better yet, walk over to that park you drive past and sit on any one of those benches.  Look out past your feet and tell me what you see.  

Take the thoughts in your head and stop them.  I know, you are wondering how?  Simply count.  Draw those numbers in your head and count.  Go as high as 100, then count backwards.  (if needed).  

Clear out the clutter in your head that makes you worry about tomorrow, the things that happened yesterday that upset you.  

Clear it out.  

It’s clutter and it’s making you old.  

I sat in a park today just outside a hospital (was visiting someone today) and I put my phone down for 30 minutes.  I sat there sipping my coffee and watching people walk by.  In the peace of it all, I started to calm down.  The visit had my emotions going a little so this moment of unplugging was wonderful.  

Not only did I start to relax, I got to see something fantastic.  

I actually witnessed some guy leaving the hospital naked.  Yep, head - to - toe.  I had a giggle... what was I going to do?  Chase him down?  He did look quite “happy” to be out and about.  I’m sure someone got ahold of him, someone with a bit more strength and a bit more courage.  I just sat back and enjoyed the moment. 

You should too.  

Burning the wrong

Today, I am cleaning.  Actually getting things ready for a sale and I figured it was time to “purge” old items.

Naturally for me, I start in my closet.  Under.. done.  Above in the area where I put personal items such as books, old papers and private documents.  One’s I put away ages ago both physically and emotionally.  

Old tax papers, divorce documents and last but not least, a witness statement from 1988.  

Before I opened the witness statement I stared at it.  Holding it and knowing what would happen if I did.  

I took a deep breath and opened.  

As I read, I recounted saying those words, feeling the way I did.  A cold stone hit the bottom of my belly, rising to my chest, following to my throat then coming out of my mouth.  

4 pages of words I had help putting on paper about a sexual assault years prior.  One that lasted for years.  One that changed who I was and who I would become.  I gave up on myself and started to search for approval, acceptance from others at that point.  When they say an assault changes one, there is no describing it.  

From the day the abuse started to the day I walked into the station to start the process of healing and stopping the future cases of abuse that could have possibly happen.  I was not determined to put those people in jail.  Not determined to be angry.  I wanted to know what every one who encounters abuse.  It was almost as though I had the “W’s” going though my head and mostly, my heart.

Why.  Why did they do it?  
Who.  Who hurt them and taught them it was okay?
When.  When did they start to think it was okay?
What.  What did I do to deserve the lack of respect and love any little girl / young woman should have?
Where.  Where would it stop?  If stats tell us anything, history repeats itself.  

Somethings are better left tucked away, in a box.  Far, far away from memories.  Away from others reach, others knowledge.  Then it dawned on me, as far away as they can be tucked they will never serve the reason they are here.  

I am not the first to encounter this, The fact is, I will not be the last.  

If this is you, you are not alone.  Hold yourself up, don’t believe for a moment it had anything to do what you may have done. You are valuable, worthy and beautiful.  No amount of words should take away from that truth.  Don’t stop believe in yourself no matter what, even if others do.  Grant yourself something daily, no matter how small.  Even if that is a moment of peace.  Only you can give yourself worth and respect.  

Last but not least, know it will be okay.  You do not need to have approval from others.  

Tonight, I plan on a fire pit where I will burn old tax papers, my divorce papers and finally this statement.  Tomorrow is a new day where I am going to respect myself, know that who I am is okay and that I am taking back what I should have years ago.