Taking chances

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to do something that makes you shake from the inside out?  Something that terrifies you to the core?

I’ve wondered, I’ve done.  I will again.  

It keeps me young, keeps me wanting more, keeps my heart beating a little bit faster.  These are for me but there are other reasons.  To show my children to live in the moment.  No matter their ages, 23 or 13 they won’t live life sitting around wondering when the next opportunity will happen but perhaps they will make the opportunities happen.  

For a second believe that you can sky dive, go scuba diving, hike in the mountains with bears, zip line through a jungle, read a book to a classroom, learn to write, run through a field of wheat with your arms at waist side, feel the grain between your fingers, sing a song in front of your friends and not care how bad it sounds.  

Do any of these things and just let go.  It doesn’t matter, once it’s done that’s it.  You did it.  Believe in yourself and take a chance.  Start today, right now.  

Now excuse me while I go and run through the snow bare foot!

Loving without reasons

If you were to close your eyes and listen to a child tell you in detail what had happened that day, how they saw things and why they were happy you'd not judge them on what you saw. 

As if race, income and pre-determined judgment were gone.  You would give them the time of day to listen to that tiny, innocent voice.  Their kindness knows no boundaries, they were not born to love any other way.   

So, carry this forward today, every day.  Love like a young child, without reasons. 

Who you are

After years of growing up trying to please my parents, grandparents, aunts, family, friends and co-workers I’ve noticed that at times, it didn’t matter.  

I use to think that how high my grades were was the biggest thing to my parents.  How wearing the right clothing in school would make the best friends.  You get the point.  

Funny thing is, growing up... I didn’t have the best marks and my parents still loved me.  I certainly did NOT have the best clothing.  IN fact, I had my brothers hand-me-downs!  

This made me appreciate what I have and who is in my life.  I’ve learnt not to force relationships, they will happen.  People come in and out of our lives for a reason.  No matter how hard it is to let go, we need to learn the lesson given.  Regardless of letting go or living in the moment.

These are some of the things that I am grateful for, some of the things that made me who I am. 

P.S. Selfies have been around for ages folks, they were called photo booths.  It’s not narcissistic or vain to have fun in life.  It’s called living in the moment.  Just do it!

Common threads

Regardless of where you are when you read this, we have many things in common.  

My neighbour, a friend across the world or someone I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting... yet.  

Our common threads are these.  

A heart beat which begins our life.  Compassion for others, wanting to see everyone succeed.  Know we all fear the same way.  

Live your life with every beat.Love your life with every sight.Laugh at every moment as laughter is the best way to let fear go.  

If you were to take a your own thread and compare it to others, I would guess it would almost run parallel.  

You see, we thrive on happiness.  What drives you every day to wake up and face the challenges you have in front of you.  

Regardless of your ethnic back ground or belief’s.  You and I, we are the same.  

I wish that others who feel differently would see this, accept it and learn it.  

I know though this change doesn’t happen over night, it isn’t something that can be forced and in fact having the opportunity to embrace others opinions is something that educates and inspires us.  Without diversity, we would not know success, we would not experience the over whelming feeling of satisfaction.

Know you are not alone, feel that others are either going through what you are or will experience the same.  If you are strong enough, let others know that a light does exist and they will to get through this just like you.

The truth about today

It wasn’t any different than yesterday and I suppose tomorrow will be the same.  

Stretch, stumble to door and let the pup out.  Make my way to the coffee pot and saunter to the chair where I reach for the remote.  Turn on the tv and start shifting my thoughts to another day.  The rest follows by arriving to work and getting my daily activities done.  Between bouncing back and forth making sure things run smoothly, projects are on time, I slowly absorb the moods around me.  

Some up, some are down.  Right.  I check that off on my to do list.  I pop in to visit my co-worker and friend who seems a bit quiet.  No need to say much but I know.  Life played something unfair and words are unnecessary.  I gave a hug and let her know that we should ‘do lunch’.  Just open up the door a wee bit so she knows I’m around ready when she is.  

Carry on then.  

I head out for lunch with a friend now and we laugh.  The time spent is good and It’s never all for nothing.  I’m sure that we let things fly, a bit of tongue and cheek comments.  Picked up some sweets for tonight.

Head back to work, complete the day and then receive a call from a friend who put’s a smile on my face.  Actually they just left a short message but it was the thought that counted.  Drove home.

I suppose what I am putting out there is that I wouldn’t take a thing for granted.  Sure for some this could be an average day.  For me... well, I am over the moon that I got to experience today.  It didn’t seem like much but it was everything to me.  The value of today is priceless.  I know some days are harder than others but here I am in a quiet kitchen typing away and sipping a fresh coffee before company arrives.  

Here are some funny truths about me.

• I can no longer do a cart wheel but I will try every year in the summer, even on a golf course.
• I laugh at myself daily when I think about the most ridiculous comments i’ve made to complete strangers.
• Some days I secretly wear un-matching socks inside my boots. (is un-matching a word)?
• My laundry is piled high in the bedroom and tonight will be as if a bomb exploded when I go to bed and I don’t care.
• I really love vanilla ice cream and yes, will eat it out of the tub. (not referring to bath tub).
• I secretly want to become a clown.
• I really do love life, no matter how hard it can get.

Enjoy today.  Live as if you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow.  IT does NOT matter what that stranger thinks, you may never see them again but I guarantee you will put a smile on their face. 

Choosing reactions for a kinder response

Somethings I've taken in the past few days.  The best part of it was personal growth. 

I had a moment of frustration where I lacked some emotional control and spoke my mind.  Not that I feel I was wrong but I didn't treat the other person with as much kindness that I tend to lean towards. 

I could say that the others opinion was something I feel strongly against.  What I should have done was communicated with more kindness rather than being defencive.  Here are ways I see things.

How I reacted:

You are wrong, anyone has the right to choose at whatever age.  If the action doesn't cause harm to anyone, why stop it. 

How I feel I should have reacted:

Why do you feel this way?  What do you suggest we do?  Let's discuss it.

What I am saying is that no matter how strongly we feel about an action or choice we still need to be open minded and listen.  You create a feeling of team work, you show support and let others know you can have an open mind with an opinion.  Perhaps if this is used in a daily basis you can develop stronger relationships and a better environment for everyone involved.

I'll treat this as a lesson learnt.  

The honesty of a child

Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear a young man’s voice.  This person was excited to share with me and another adult how they wanted to take specific courses in the next school year.  One being Cosmetology.  While I sat there listening, the other adult started to become visibly upset.  

This young man left the room and without hesitation, the other adult started to share their feelings with me.  No thought or consequence to the child.

“How could they do this”? 

"That child MUST be influenced by others to want to do this there is no other way of explaining it”. 

I stood there with my mouth wide open, mind spinning and thinking... is this really happening?  
Wow.
Then the fire works started... 

I had to ask them; “Why would they take away a choice to a child"?  "Why would they care what that child wants to do or how”?  "Is there any danger that anyone will be put in"?   

They actually responded with “this will turn him gay”!

I couldn’t even think for that second... 

“turn him gay”?  

In the back of my head I could hear the bus coming to a screeching hault.  “ENOUGH”!

"Okay, doing something in life does NOT change someone’s sexual orientation.  First off, you are born loving whomever, unlike being an jerk that you simply become like you are right now".  

The words flew and I had to leave.  This other adult brought up some serious points.  They were concerned about this young person being picked on, stuffed into a locker as they put it.  Singled out by peers and not treated fairly.  Okay, I am starting to get it.  This other adult was reflecting their fears onto the young person.  I get that because I’ve done it.  What bothered me was that these comments about fear of bullying came after the fear of the adult being embarrassed.  I had to walk away.  

I then proceeded to discuss this issue on a public forum with other adults and not one mentioned the same points this adult did.  Not one, expressed fear of safety for this young man.  Not one mentioned how it may suggest anything other than simple curiosity.  

Regardless of the reason why someone chooses to do something, it’s simply that.  A choice.  Feed the mind and the rest will grow.  I say teach indifference, encourage compassion and lead the future.  I was quoted last night;

"Now for a split second you stop thinking about your position and start thinking about the others point of view. Ask yourself why do they think that way, even better what in their life caused them to have their perspective? If you are able to do this, you have compassion. "  

Perhaps last night, instead of becoming emotionally charged and put in the defencive, I should have simply listened to their thoughts and simply walked away.  I doubt my words, thoughts or actions can have an influence on someone's perspective....

Where happiness is from

I can’t imagine life without happiness.  If someone approached me and asked me what gives me joy, what helps me let go of things it wouldn’t take long, in fact I think I would drive some nuts with a list that could go on forever.  

In 2003 I went to Thailand for a second time.  I saw the most beautiful people, met the most generous and kind friends.  

Some had what I thought was almost nothing.  Sleeping on floors, wearing the same clothing day in and day out.  What I noticed the most was their smiles.  It didn’t matter.  




huh... 

This is where I started to change.  

In the evening when we went to the market, there were children running around laughing, singing and happy.  Truly happy.  I took the time to watch them, do things for them and enjoy the simplest moments.  

When we ate dinner and tried to tip a bit extra they would refuse it.  Really.  They would tell us it was too much.  I don’t think i’ve ever been told that here in North America. 

I was a bit perplexed but then it hit me.  Some people want things that you can’t buy.  Things you can’t hold but something you can feel.  

I bet you just guessed it.  

Happiness.  

I hope you find it today.  I hope you take a moment to watch everything around you and just be happy. 

Cost of raising a child

The cost of raising a child from birth to 18 was recently calculated to be $160,140. for a middle income family.  That doesn’t even touch the college tuition.

But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down.  It translates into a $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month or 171.08 a week.   That’s a mere $24.24 a day.  Just over a dollar an hour.

If you think then that the best way to gain wealth is by not having children, think again.

What do you get for 160,140?  

Naming rights, first, middle, and last.  Glimpses of God every day, giggles under the covers every night.  More love than your heart can hold.  Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies.  A hand to hold usually covered with jam.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said, or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140.00 you never have to grow up.  You can finger paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.  You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother’s day, cards with backward letters for today.

For $160,140 there is no better return.

You are a hero for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, take the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always get treated to ice cream regardless.

You get front-row seat to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel.

You become immortal.  Another branch is added to the family tree.  And, if you're lucky, limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.

You gain an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.

You have all the power to heal a boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits.

So one day they will, like you, love and not count the cost.

An amazing video that shows you results of how giving is also receiving.

https://www.viddsee.com/video/gift/og4gr

The Diary of a Canadian hockey mum

He was 5 years old and couldn’t walk on ice let alone tie his skates or hold a stick.  He wasn’t the only nor the first.  I wasn’t interested in watching my kid get hurt in the game nor was I interested in those 6 am hockey practise, sitting in a cold area not knowing a soul or even the game.  

After a few rounds on the ice, learning how to get up from a fall, how to balance and how to move, he changed and without expecting it, I started to as well.  Every early morning wasn’t a struggle for him to get up nor did it ever feel like a chore to take him to a game.  All of a sudden, I wasn't just a spectator, I started to become fully immersed in the community.  

When I use the term community, it’s not just that.  It’s more.  Your second family.  Where you meet other’s that have the same desire for their children.  Have fun and learn about team work.  You develop faith in others, trust in coaches and start to let your child grow on their own with someone else’s guidance.  Early morning coffee’s, late night games and many miles on the gas tank become part of life.

Years went by from Pre-novice, to Novice, then Atom, followed by Peewee and now Bantam.  8 years in total and not a moment has gone by that I regret sitting in an arena filled with other parents cheering their kids, the team and the game.  Sure there have been moments where i’ve disagreed with decisions made by ref’s but i’ve respected them.  

I’ve developed empathy, patience and stronger compassion to many volunteers who spend countless hours on the ice teaching my son how to not only be a better hockey player but a better person.

This child I have who has taken me 8 years into hockey, where I’ve spent 

endless hours in an arena, on coffee, for equipment, year end parties, parent and player get togethers had taught me more than any hockey mum that is starting out could imagine.  I wouldn’t trade these years for anything in the world.  

Personal opinions

Let's say for this very moment someone you are with said something you that disagree with.  It's not your view or even standards.  Most of us have been in that situation.  It's unpleasant and sometimes it makes you feel upset. 

Now for a split second you stop thinking about your position and start thinking about the others point of view.  Ask yourself why do they think that way, even better what in their life caused them to have their perspective?  If you are able to do this, you have compassion.  You can separate your feelings from the issue and just try to understand their thoughts. 

I think this is a common mistake.  Most of us take opinions personal.  

Asking ourselves some important questions.  Who, what and why.  You can even try this with your kids.  Before saying 'no', ask yourself those 3 questions.  You can tell them you need to think about it.  The beauty of trying this with kids is that you also teach them qualities that are not a lesson in a book or on the internet. You also show them something amazing by example. 

At this moment

You might be telling yourself that it isn’t possible.  At this moment, you might be thinking you just can’t do it.  

Take a step back and look around you.  Look at what every little step that was taken today.  Just today.  Look at that girl across from you.  Without asking, wonder what it took for her to do what she did to be here today.  How about that guy beside you?  How did he cope with what’s going on in his life.  

Now take a step towards a mirror.  You were just saying inside your head that you couldn’t do it and it’s not possible.  If whatever you are facing seems insurmountable then think again.  

You still got up to start your day, you planted your feet down and you took that first step.  

You can do this.  

Just take one step at a time.  

The view you have of that fear you will over come it by taking steps before you walk, running before you jump.  

The definition of your leap of faith is when you go to jump  you’ll find that at the end of it all, you will land with both feet planted firmly on the ground you took so long to prepare. 

Remember, that at this moment you are slowly working towards your own success.  You can do this and it is possible.

The best ways to be a parent

I am no expert at raising children.  I was raised and survived just like you.  

I did take what I learnt from being a daughter, the insight I gained from being a sister and the love I experienced being a granddaughter.  

At a young age, I discovered that my first son was on his way into my life.  I made a decision to not only do this but do the best job I could.  

I worked to provide, I took him to places and got him involved in sports such as soccer, baseball, golf and even chess.  

I showed him compassion, patience, love & tolerance.  You are asking me right now... how does one teach those four things to a child or even yourself at least.  

I thought I was teaching him these, in the process I saw the value more than before.  

Compassion - I learnt who he was, one day at a time doing my best to show him that I understood he wasn’t the same boy and our neighbour’s boy.  I grew as a parent, learning to accept who he was unconditionally and loving him.  

Patience - I read to him, I listened to his words, I asked him how he felt.  I started to understand his world.

Love - This has no words.  My heart became his when he entered my world. I would still stop the sun from turning if possible to protect him. 

Tolerance -  To forgive.  Myself for mistakes and do better, forgive others, I learnt we cannot change the past.  He watched me grow as a mum and he learnt how to be a better person, for today and for his future family.  

When I reached my late 20’s, I was given an opportunity to be a mum to another child.

I learnt to change and adapt.  I never understood when I heard my grandparents tell my mum that kids are always different.  

Until now.  

My second son came when I gave up.  He taught me this.  He also taught me how to be a better mum.  What is it we learnt together?

Take time to relax - I was serious about trying to do the right thing with my first child that I forgot to take time to laugh and just let things be.  

Just do it - We discovered that fear shouldn’t determine an outcome.  He knows to try something that he’s not comfortable with every day.  It’s his challenge with his words.  I’ll do the same.  

Forgiveness - This too shall pass.  Stop feeling hurt and angry.  Life is too short.  Laugh.  At yourself, at others and accept it.  

I’m still a work in progress, I hope I never stop learning.  I am a completely different person today than I was 23 years ago when it all started.  I wouldn’t trade a thing for the giggles, late nights regardless of reading, sports or studies.  I am no longer upset about messy bedrooms, lost toys or late homework.  Words of encouragement to them for them and some days, from them.  

So when you reflect on who you are as a parent or someone in another’s life who they look up to, do you gain as much as they did or as much as they can?  I think if we keep on learning, we become better.