A year ago today, I made a life changing decision. It took all of me to step into the unknown, with the unconditional support and love from family and friends.
Perhaps, a journey that I metaphorically saw as monumental, as my personal belief was diminished to something smaller than I had ever imagined in the last 20 years. This was my mountain to conquer.
6 months after, I took the journey to do another. I traveled on nothing but faith and determination to learn that my internal strength was solid.
I took a path up a mountain and I saw things I had never dreamed of. I did things I lost faith in, all while doing this alone. Finding that, no matter the voices that use to be inside my thoughts, creating doubt now screamed louder telling me; you can do this!
I got to the top of my hike, sat in solitude and cried while I took the deepest breath I've had in my entire life.
Last weekend, almost 1 year from my life changing decision, 6 months from my journey to prove my personal worth, I choose to share it with someone who values me for who I am.
Today, it's been 3 months of rediscovery of faith, love and trust in another. Sure I wear rose coloured glasses, I will always have faith in human kind, to do better, become wiser and love deeper. I won't live with regrets. We should not accept anything less than to be treated like a person, no matter our gender, colour race. I see beauty in flaws, I see strength in the meek, I see love in the lost.
This man has volunteered has with me, sang with me, laughed with me, cried with me and shared life with me. More than I ever expected, more than I anticipated. I've learnt to give without expectations, live life without wants and to see value in the smallest of things. Today, is the first day of the rest of my life.
I don't know what else to say. Every day, I am asked; "How do you find happiness?" and I can't explain what I've been given.
I suppose I've read that those who go through tough moments in life, learn to love the smallest of gestures. I don't know how to compare my past journeys to another but I do know the ones I've travelled on have given me the strength to see a brighter side in life.
I've not experienced a war but I've experienced emotional bombs and explosions. I've not experienced the life of a prisoner but I have been locked away with my fears and doubts. I've not experienced famine but I've experienced a life without love. I've not experienced homeless but I've felt alone.
We all go through the toughest of times, of fear and anger. One of resentment and hostility. Those emotions, I never want to feel again.
I've also seen the brighter side of life. I've seen a smile creep across one that has nothing when we've made eye contact. I've hugged a soul that desperately needed to feel loved. I've given my time to another when they felt nothing was left.
What I've asked for in return? Nothing. What have I spent? Not a dime. What's made me happy? Knowing that a small gesture has given someone a wee bit of hope after a long, tough go at it. Even if, just for a moment. So what have I invested to make my life better? Simply put, I've invested the most valuable commodity I hold dearest to me. My time. I've only received the most valuable thing in return. Love, appreciation and acceptance. What have I needed all my life? Exactly those 3 things. What makes me happiest? Knowing that, without costing me a dime, I give. Completely and without regret.
I cannot tell you how to find your happiness, you have to find it.
I've let things go in life, that I refuse to give the most valuable possession to. My time. I'll give it to another who, without expecting gives back by a simple glance.
Each day, we wake with a blank page to write on.
Before you plant your base on the ground, open those eyes and take a moment to take it in. Inhale your first breath of the day and make a choice to paint the blank page with what you want it to become.
The most important journey we will take is the one for ourselves. Know that, all of us are going through a similar journey, a journey to find our truth, who we are and what makes us happy.
Plant your feet firmly on the ground and make the choice to live with each moment you make. From the first words muttered out through your lips, to the ears of the person who hears them.
Start to say no, but yes for what you stand for. Be true to yourself, not the one who tries to paint you for who they think you should be. Stand your ground and celebrate what life means to you. To create, to feel valued, to love and to change. Celebrate your authentic self because every night, you go to sleep with who you truly are.
Go ahead, paint that blank page the colors you want.
I'm a wee bit behind on my last entry as I mentioned it would be the following day and here I am, somewhat trying to best put into words how giving helps the soul.
Doing my best over a large stretch of years to give back, to show others how giving can benefit not just the recipient but your physical and mental well being. As my personal journey has gone off on a tangent, I've had to strengthen the foundation to ensure the path to the end goal is safer. It's not as dramatic as it sounds, trust me.
I cannot fathom the amount of gratitude that I could have gained when I started volunteering. I don't need or want much anymore, I am thankful every day for the moments I live in, the moments those I love, live in and truly embrace moments to come. Although I do not have expectations, I'll admit I still live with an abundance of hope. That's something I refuse to give up, no matter the outcome.
Life, as I've promised in the past blogs, will toss you through a loop. It's going to make you question everything you've learnt, the good and the bad. Just know, this is completely natural.
Do it, question everything, every day. Try to make it better, if not for anyone but yourself.
Live it happy.
You can only change your personal outcome and not anothers. Trying to understand or explain why someone's choice is, will not help you or cause benefit. You just need to give it away to them to own.
While being at Hope Mission in Edmonton, I volunteer with a group of amazing people, who without judgement and funding, feed others with food and love out of their own pocket. This isn't just about filling the bellies, but about filling the heart of another. Expressing a genuine concern for another who has nothing isn't something that just "happens". I've seen this first hand. My experiences going from stunned to open armed within less than a year has grown me as a human. When I look back now, I've seen how much I've grown, I've seen how much others have grown and it warms my heart and soul knowing, that perhaps I've had a wee bit of input with this.. that perhaps, the ripple goes further than I've anticipated.
I encourage you to head out and not only do a RAK (Random Act of Kindness) but do something with intention, without expecting anything in return. Love unconditionally for a split moment so that your ripple becomes larger.
I want to challenge you to seek something you've never done before. Something that can not only benefit you but another along the way.
In the next 24 hours, I want you to think outside the box and do something extraordinary.
Let me give you an example.
A few years back, I found a group on Facebook called "Food from the heart" (although it's a picture of a heart.)
I explored what they do. On Thursday's a group of people locally go to a shelter and feed the homeless that are lined up to get a warm bed for the night. They do this on their own, without funding. Preparing the food at their own homes, then serving it outside on a portable table that another brings. Within an hour, the food is mostly gone but the group remains. They stay and chat until the doors open with everyone in line. Not only do they feed them, they make those in need feel part of the group. Hugs are given. Words are spoken and kindness is in abundance.
I found this out because I started to go. The first time, in awe with a friend. The second and so forth with others or on my own. Sometimes I bring food, sometimes just myself.
I did this to prove to myself there is a kinder world out there, one that isn't propagated on social media or television. One that is hidden but can be easily accessed.
What if I hadn't searched out something like this?
Perhaps my view on this world would have been different although I highly doubt it. I have, and always will see it as a kinder world than what others choose to show us. I hear others opinions about how social media isn't the greatest but what if... we all choose to make it something that is good and kind and meaningful? What if, we choose to do something out of the box that is extraordinary?
Make your something of "what if's" more than what is expected.
I'll blog again after I go tomorrow with a few photo's of the extraordinary people that come to make a small difference of kindness, love and compassion.
I was laying in bed, my head going a mile a minute so now I am finding myself sitting here in front of my computer screen wanting articulate in words the thoughts that keep me awake.
I want you to know something.
You are amazing.
To my family, my friends and even to those I've not met yet, I want you to know that I think you are perfect.
I mean it.
Look at yourself when you wake up. Stand up and walk to the mirror. You've come a long way. It's been a journey and you are now in a place you can quietly (or loudly proclaim)
YOU are okay.
I don't care what gender you are, the size of your body or the length of your nose. You are beautiful. If you could only see what I see.
I see this amazing person who is kind and generous. Who can love without conditions or expectations. Who gives to another without a second thought. You are so much stronger than you know.
If you saw what I see, you might be shocked.
I see a friend who wears a superhero outfit under her daily clothing. A mother who strives to have her family be more than what they know they can be. A man who loves deeper than the ocean and has more faith in others than himself. Stop short changing every action you do and start being proud of yourself.
Although your journey isn't done, you need to know that you make others days brighter. YOU create happiness with a simple smile. Your heartbeat alone makes me want to cheer louder for you, to have you cheer yourself on is in itself an act of bravery. So go ahead, love who you are and know, I am behind you 100% of the way.
I've been granted the gift of many tools from my parents, family and my friends, all walks of life and experiences. Good or bad.
It's not the tool box you see that may be coloured red with items such as a hammer or saw but a box that is contained in my head and heart.
My tool box has an abundance of items I use, at times daily.
I am no longer ignorant to others, learning this with the tool of compassion.
I am not above anyone else, learning this with the tool of humility.
I am not better than anyone else, learning this with the tool of kindness.
The key to building your tool box is to live with your eyes wide open. Do not be adverse to listening and learning from others. Mostly, take each opportunity one to learn from and better yourself. We cannot live without air, so live each moment as if it was dependent on your last breath. Be open with who you are and if by chance someone can gain from your experiences, all the better.
Sure, sharing can open the door to a bit of pain but I can promise you that there is more to gain from sharing than the chance of being hurt.
The most amazing thing is when you have built your tool box, you can lend those out for others to use, to help build with and you'll never lose them.
While I have been a team manager off and on my youngest child's hockey team years, I picked up many lessons that have changed me as a person.
"No I in team"
This is a very strong statement, one that can not only be used in sporting events, group get togethers but mostly in your daily life. I will reflect on this towards relationships. Although writing here, at times I find articulating my feelings in life can be difficult. Past experiences have hindered how I can communicate and it's a daily challenge.
Teams are in relationships more often than we recognize. I will say for sure that words such as "I", me and mine" can throw me through a loop. When you are friends or partners in life, there should be none of that. Communication is key to learning about others, listening being the most important.
I cannot stress enough, to make a relationship work you need to listen more than you talk. Words cut much further and can change the direction in which you want to go. When you are caught in a moment of frustration, don't use words but take a few moments and reflect. Focus on the good, look towards something that can be amazing and try your best to hear, truly hear what the other is saying. Then respond with kindness. Try to see the others perspective and let your hurt go.
Anything in life that causes anger, is destructive and this is the last emotion I will ever allow in my life. So, don't live life with the " I , me or mine", live it as a "we, us and ours" This is what builds a strong and healthy team.
Some days are harder than others. Faith can be taken away by a simple breath, a word or an action. It's difficult to believe that tomorrow can be better but you have to have faith.
Not everyone has the best of intention for you, for others. The key is to keep having faith in yourself. Stay strong to you, your values and your beliefs. What others do, well it's simply their choice. You cannot change them or make one do what you want.
Just be truest to you.
I cannot always have faith in another. It's difficult to know this but it's the simple truth.
My simple rules in life though? I'll give everyone a fair shift.
You know, I'll trust you, be kind and give you my all. It may hurt me at times when things change and you choose to do or say something but, in the end, I can say I've done my best and I can live with my choices. I know for certain that I learn from each opportunity, good or bad. I'll just not give it more than a second chance. After that, I know it's just not to be.
If you are struggling with giving trust, just take a step forward. Don't worry about the possible pain or anguish. Just go for it and see where the leap takes you. My friend Danielle keeps telling me, "sometimes, the risk is worth the reward."
I sure hope she's right.
Deep inside, you believe it is true. No matter what they've told you, what you've been hiding inside is possible and you know, without a doubt .. you can.
It doesn't matter how much someone might squish your thoughts, your beliefs, mostly your values. If you have it inside (and I'll take a gander you do), that little whisper will grow into something much louder than you can anticipate.
It will grow slowly, it will snowball and it will conquer ..
every.
single.
doubt.
You will gain the momentum and you will become more than what they or you ever thought possible.
What can I say for certain? That no matter how difficult it is in this moment, it's harder to look back and see that you gave up. That no matter how much the voice kept trying to cheer you on, you let the fear and doubt define you.
Get back up. Dust off your knees and keep moving forward. Nothing, and I say NOTHING is harder to look at when you see yourself in the mirror and know you gave up again. You are stronger than you think you are. Be who you know you can be.
A year ago today, I made a life changing decision. It took all of me to step into the unknown, with the unconditional support and love from family and friends. 
6 months after, I took the journey to do another. I traveled on nothing but faith and determination to learn that my internal strength was solid. 
I took a path up a mountain and I saw things I had never dreamed of. I did things I lost faith in, all while doing this alone. Finding that, no matter the voices that use to be inside my thoughts, creating doubt now screamed louder telling me; you can do this! 
This man has volunteered has with me, sang with me, laughed with me, cried with me and shared life with me. More than I ever expected, more than I anticipated. I've learnt to give without expectations, live life without wants and to see value in the smallest of things. Today, is the first day of the rest of my life.
