Getting the lesson you need

"What I've found is that the difficulties come when you don't pay attention to life's whisper, because life always whispers to you first.  And if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream.  Whatever you resist persists.  But if you ask the right question - not why is this happening, but what is this here to teach me - it puts you in the place and space to get the lesson you need."

Oprah

How to help raise a successful and happy child

Now before I tell you a few things I have learnt, please know that almost 25 years ago I had no idea that how I thought, would lead into something that makes me glow.  I have 2 amazing boys, 10 years apart both completely different.  I stumbled along the way, making mistakes.  The biggest thing that helped me was learning to acknowledge, own and correct them.  If you are willing to do those, you are on a path to being part of an amazing experience. 

First off, start out being open minded.  These kids are NOT you.  They will never be you.  In fact, they will be a much better version of you.  Let them and support them in that thought process.  This will help you grow as well.  

1.) When you finally get that opportunity to meet this little person, talk to them.  More importantly, listen.  Hear what they have to say, even when they are infants they will tell you.

2.) Set a few boundaries but be honest.  "No" isn't a reason.  Be like a writer in their book.  Use the "W's" and as often as possible.  They will understand and you will then start them on the path to asking questions.  Communication is key and the earlier you start, the better.

3.) Explore together as much as possible.  Plant a garden, volunteer together, talk at the table about current events.  You don't need to spend a dime on building your relationships.

4.) Get out and move together.  We've all fallen on the bandwagon of keeping busy, putting our children in activities.  You also need to do things together physically.  As much as you want to go see a movie, there is so much happening around this world that has more entertainment than you can capture in 2 hours of sitting and not communicating.    

5.) Watch how they interact and who they are becoming.  Part of the issue with society now is that everything is set as a cookie cutter.  Your children are not like anyone else.  They are this amazing, spectacular person who develops in their own way.   You'll see eventually how they learn by listening to them.  

When my oldest son was younger he didn't like crowds, loud noises, specific foods, group activities or many sports.  He was so introverted that at times, he would get a nose bleed if someone came to talk to him.  Eventually he worked in a kitchen of older men who took him under their wings.  He is now working on his Red Seal.  My younger son is an extrovert.  At a younger age, he would actually take his shirt off at an Oilers hockey game, wave it in a circular motion and yell. He gives inspirational speeches to players on hockey teams, eats any type of food, plays almost every sport and has made it on a Bantam AA hockey team.  

6.) Once you discover how they learn, use it wisely.  There are several types of learning.  Seeing, doing, reading.  (I'm not a professional but this is from my personal experience) Grasp which type they are as early as possible.  Work with them.  If you don't know what to do, ask for assistance from friends, family or professionals.  It's out there and they were NOT kidding when they say it takes a village to raise a child.

7.) Do not yell.  If you do, admit you were in the wrong.  Every child will be a part reflection of their upbringing.  You cannot expect your child not to yell if you do.   Yelling has never solved anything when you yell at the ones you love the most.

8.) Let them become open minded.  This world is evolving & that will never stop.  You want them to evolve with it, you want them to be open minded and ask questions.  Most of us do not want our children to feel as if it's okay to "settle" or "stop".  Let them figure things out and form their own opinion.  Just because you were not given a choice in specific areas in your life doesn't mean they should.  

9.) Hug them.  Tell them you love them no matter what.  They might not tell you but they need to know you are there for them at any moment.  If you are reading this, you feel the same as me.  

10.) Let them go when they are ready.  From the back of their bike seat to them moving out, when you give them encouragement.  This is one of the biggest building blocks to a successful child.  Once they start to believe that they can do it, the world is their oyster.   

I've spent the last 24 + years helping my oldest son believe in himself by letting him go when he needed to.  As much as I was terrified, his confidence level went up every time.  I saw it and loved it.  Sometimes, he needed a push but I feel it was always at the right time.  My youngest, sure he's an extrovert but he's sensitive.  I've not had to nurture his outgoing personality but the reassurance at times that he was heading in a direction he wanted is something I've kept up.

Now, I am not a psychologist or a professional but I am speaking to you from a few years of experience that have, so far, let to success.  I don't plan on stopping either.  I encourage you to learn along the way with them, grow with them, and you'll see that not only have you helped raised a successful and happy child, you've become successful and happy too.

 

The smallest of moments

I had the fortune the other day to have a great conversation with a friend who I've known for well over half my life now.  It was in that moment I was given a chance to make peace with our past and move forward with some amazing stories about the few years that we lost connection.  

Life has been an amazing journey so far.  Each experience gained, good or bad they've all been a benefit.  At the moment, while life plays out it's plan and I've gone through it, I didn't feel it was fair or right or perhaps just.  Now, after time has passed I see why it's happened.  
From each moment, I can say now with an open mind I appreciate what's been handed. For what it is, what I've gained.   

Right now, in your moment you may feel happy or sad, angry or mad, hurt or frustrated but know, this moment only lasts until you let it go.  That choice is yours and unless you give that power to someone else, you control it.  

The small moments in life count, remember this and hold them close.  The small moments will be the big moments, they will account for every part of who you become

So in reference to a dear old friend who lifted my spirits and just had a simple chat, thank you.  Thank you for giving me life's lessons at an early age.  Thank you for being simply you.  

No matter where life goes, I've been happy with the smallest of moments shared.

Like a butterfly, we evolve

Take a look a few years back.  Where were you and your thoughts?  

Now take a look at where you are today?  

What choices did you make to get to where you are?  

A few years ago, I stopped caring about what others thought and starting doing what I needed to do.  

My grandmothers health was starting to show in a poor way.  The way I saw myself was starting to change, my attitude towards life, family and friends.  

I got a part time job in a mail room.  Now before you think... "mailroom"?  Well, I've have the privilege of experiencing life and at this point, I figured I should start back from square one.  My gram always told me, a job is a job.  She's right you know.  Everyone uses the toilet the exact same way with the same propose.  Yes, I just said that.

I let go of fearing what others thought of me and just did what I had to do.  This was more for my mental ability than anything else.  Trust me, working part time can be a kill joy on the pocket book.  

Well, the beautiful thing was I entered a job with anonymity.  No one knew me, what I could do, where I have been and who I knew.  The freedom was overwhelming and the joy I had for the job was entertaining.  I wasn't afraid of much but at this point in my life, I knew well enough what not to say to specific people in a company.  

So, I started delivering mail, answering the phone and slotting paper.  Before I knew it, I started to see opportunity and I jumped it.  I wanted to make changes and I knew how to do it. 

See, before this.. I worked at a golf course.  As much fun as you would think it could be... it was!  I was able to be outside, help plan events, pour drinks and meet some very interesting people from all aspects of life.  At the same time, I was treated poorly at times.  This is why I walked away.  No need to pour your life into something when others can choose to act horrible to another person just because they feel they have a right due to their status.  I kind of told a few to stuff it and with NO regrets!  (not even to this day, as I type.. I am smirking)   

Well, back to my part time job.  

The best part of working in the mail room and getting around the office?  Getting to know some pretty amazing people.  Sure, there are those few that I didn't feel great about but I noticed there were more amazing, kind, hard working, loving people.  My heart started to melt.  I was falling in love with them!  I started to listen and get to know my family work mates.  I mean, there are musicians, artists, parents, children (over 18) and friends who have known each other since childhood.  The stories are overwhelming, mostly in a fabulous way!

I joined the social committee and was asked to emcee.  WHAT!  I've never really been that type of gal.  I mean, working at a golf course.. I had to be somewhat outgoing but this was pushing myself to a new level.  Then a position opened up.  Something full time and with quite a bit more responsibility.  I applied and ... I got it!  I even surprised myself.  

Well, with the new position it took a good year to get to know what I had gotten myself into. Over the past 3 years I did the emceeing, ran a few extra events, did my job and fell more in love what opportunities I could have.  

I approached my boss with the idea of a group of us going out on a regular basis to volunteer in the community.  He was good with it.  My reason?  To build a stronger sense of being a team, a bigger purpose to life even with those I work with.  

Then last year (2014) we got on the Pink Shirt Day in support of anti-bullying.  We had a good reply in the office.  If I could guess, it was about 60 (give or take) staff members, proudly wearing their pink t-shirts.

This year?  

Wow... 

with the support from a friend (more like a "you can do this" shove) Grant, it was successful!

The response was overwhelming.  I broke down with overwhelming emotions for the support.  

The great thing is ... while doing all of this that made me over the moon happy, I lost the memories of the ones that didn't.  Each day, I look forward to building happy moments with others that want the same... 

Funny thing... I've changed.   

Best part? 

I love it because I've been given the opportunity to evolve.

What defines strength?

For many of us, strength is defined by physical aspects.  

He opened the jar of pickles in one twist, he lifted that box with ease. 

or...

She lifted the baby in the car seat with one arm, she could handle all those bags in one trip.

Those are some thoughts about physical strength that came to my mind.  Before I share my definition of strength, I want to know yours.

What opportunities have you had that defined strength?  Where, in your life were you and what were you facing?  What did you see that made you feel "This is strength"?

Strength isn't always defined by one's physical ability but by their mental capacity.  Although you may see one that looks as though they've fallen and their strength has escaped from your perspective, you may not see what they've over come, gone through or faced that has put them where they are today.  

I have met some of the strongest people living on the streets, some without words as it speaks through their eyes.  Some parents that have faced the loss of a child, fought addictions, escaped abuse, fell physically, all over came each and came to the other side.  Some not knowing their own strength, not aware of their own successes.  

Strength is surviving the moment of adversity, growing with each and becoming someone different on the other side.  

This is my definition.  

The most amazing experience

I enjoy the moment when I reflect and a memory puts a smile on my face. I also enjoy the moments in the present. Hearing the successes of others, I must admit mostly my children. There isn't a single moment I'd trade for each time I've heard my boys tell me something they have accomplished. They are my joy, my sun, my moon.

Michael came by on Sunday to help me with our pup. He started to tell me about how school is going, how he is planning on the changes in his life and where he is headed. How happy he seems to be. I'd bet my life he's on the right path for his journey.  He will experience life to its fullest as he knows he has options and nothing can stop him from change, which can only be good.

Arthur Jrs successes are a different measure. Although the boys are 10 years apart he's already marking his path and for this, I am thankful. What 14 year old boy gives inspirational speeches to a locker room full of 14 year old boys he's never met, what 14 year old boy decides to buy a suit?  Not many but this isn't what makes me the proudest.  It's the moments he chooses to define himself with his actions. I'll encourage him to be who he wants with life. Not to be someone that others want, but to be the person he chooses.

Both of my boys are individual people who know their paths are only made by themselves. This is what I'm proud of. They can hold their heads high, stretch their arms out and reach for the stars. They also both know that if, by chance they fall, I will be here to catch them. No matter what, my desire for them to succeed in their journey is stronger than anything I've experienced.

So, to whomever is out there that gave me their lives to start out with, thank you for the most amazing experience.

Going from A to B

I suppose the way life has unfolded for me I became that stero typical A type person. Whatever I could control, I would do my best. From friends, family then to work. Head down, ass up. When something needed to get done I could do it and with all my efforts put forward.

I didn't see how much this affected my relationships, at times putting strain where it wasn't necessary. I needed to have some control in my life as for most of it I didn't feel there was a choice. In the process, almost losing myself.

Today I'm putting it out there, acknowledging more than I've wanted to but I guess for sanity it's necessary.

These last few months, I've faced some choices that I truly did not want to. Why?  I've become unhappy with the direction I've let life go in and I do not want that to be my legacy.

After losing family, friends and some of my friends children I've discovered that I want to live. I need to for myself.  There is so much out there and it's time to start trusting myself and perhaps a bit of faith in letting go is necessary.

My biggest heart break is letting go of something I've wanted my whole life. Now with the biggest change ahead, I've discovered that letting things happen is right, when it feels right. Along this journey, I've met some amazing friends who I can trust, who have shown me that it's going to be okay and I can do it.

I feel as though I'm starting to learn to become a B type. Relaxed with how things may unfold, accepting what I cannot change and adapting. Life is to short to be afraid, to brief to not grasp the opportunities given.

When you face yourself every morning as you stand in front of that mirror ask your self something.

"Who are you living for?"

The answer should be what your reflection shows.

Let your whisper become a roar

I love discovering new things.. what surprises me most is when it's about myself.  

Today, after doing some volunteering I walked into a shop to look at some clothing.  Nothing intentional but just to look.  As I was walking and looking at items, I caught a view of what I thought was a woman just across the isle.  It didn't dawn on me that it was my reflection but for a brief moment, I saw someone I didn't recognise.  I can't describe to you what I saw but the thoughts that followed were .. 

actually okay. 

We are the biggest critics of ourselves.  Every day, you and I look in the mirror and think... "if I was only a bit different" in one way or another.  We seem to fall into this pattern of wanting to change who we are for what we feel is for the better.  The simple fact is that we need to start accepting us for who we are.  

I talk about judgement, how we can pass it quickly on others but how about ourselves?  Start today, this moment.  Take a look at yourself in the mirror and be okay with what you see.  If you have something different, it's perfect.  It's unique and it's you!  

Do this daily, do it in private and start with a whisper.  After a week, you'll notice something different.  You'll discover confidence that wasn't there.  You'll discover a beautiful part of someone you didn't see before.  After time, that whisper will become a roar.

Each journey has a step

I can't figure out where to start but I think I know where this journey is going.  

I know for certain a few things.  

Kindness is the most important.  You'll discover more than expected, you'll gain compassion for others and shine like a star when you do.  It's key though, to be kind to yourself.  Know your limitations, boundaries and hold those close.  If anything, this life will show you those when the time arrives.  It's going to be okay, you'll be fine.  

Secondly, listen.  Hear what people are truly saying.  Don't interrupt.  Not because it's a bit rude but just take a deep breath and listen.  You'll learn more about yourself when you start to listen.  It's okay to be wrong too.  When you discover that being wrong is okay, you'll learn more.  

Watch.  This is the third key to life.  Watch things unfold around you.  The actions of others will show you many things.  

Life's experiences aren't always easy but each are worth the moment you've given them.  The good, the bad and even... the ugly.  Just remember, it's okay to love.  

Hold your hands out and accept what's given to you.  Remember that it's up to you and only you to make the changes you want to see.  

Change

I remember change happening as young as 5 years old.  I never enjoyed it but learnt to adapt to whatever came my way.  

For most of us, we fight it.  Do our best to stop what we've come accustom to as it's usually the easier way in life.  What we fail to see is what may be outside of our safety, outside this box life we tend to live in.  Change can be good, it comes with growth both personal and professional. 

Change can also tear some apart.  It is not an easy hill to climb but mostly, we hope that the change we have in life leads us somewhere better not bitter.

I cannot say with certainty that making a leap of faith when you can't see the bottom is easy, it can be the scariest thing one might do.

Live your life.  Adapt.  Be truthful.  Grow.  Change.