How to help raise a successful and happy child

Now before I tell you a few things I have learnt, please know that almost 25 years ago I had no idea that how I thought, would lead into something that makes me glow.  I have 2 amazing boys, 10 years apart both completely different.  I stumbled along the way, making mistakes.  The biggest thing that helped me was learning to acknowledge, own and correct them.  If you are willing to do those, you are on a path to being part of an amazing experience. 

First off, start out being open minded.  These kids are NOT you.  They will never be you.  In fact, they will be a much better version of you.  Let them and support them in that thought process.  This will help you grow as well.  

1.) When you finally get that opportunity to meet this little person, talk to them.  More importantly, listen.  Hear what they have to say, even when they are infants they will tell you.

2.) Set a few boundaries but be honest.  "No" isn't a reason.  Be like a writer in their book.  Use the "W's" and as often as possible.  They will understand and you will then start them on the path to asking questions.  Communication is key and the earlier you start, the better.

3.) Explore together as much as possible.  Plant a garden, volunteer together, talk at the table about current events.  You don't need to spend a dime on building your relationships.

4.) Get out and move together.  We've all fallen on the bandwagon of keeping busy, putting our children in activities.  You also need to do things together physically.  As much as you want to go see a movie, there is so much happening around this world that has more entertainment than you can capture in 2 hours of sitting and not communicating.    

5.) Watch how they interact and who they are becoming.  Part of the issue with society now is that everything is set as a cookie cutter.  Your children are not like anyone else.  They are this amazing, spectacular person who develops in their own way.   You'll see eventually how they learn by listening to them.  

When my oldest son was younger he didn't like crowds, loud noises, specific foods, group activities or many sports.  He was so introverted that at times, he would get a nose bleed if someone came to talk to him.  Eventually he worked in a kitchen of older men who took him under their wings.  He is now working on his Red Seal.  My younger son is an extrovert.  At a younger age, he would actually take his shirt off at an Oilers hockey game, wave it in a circular motion and yell. He gives inspirational speeches to players on hockey teams, eats any type of food, plays almost every sport and has made it on a Bantam AA hockey team.  

6.) Once you discover how they learn, use it wisely.  There are several types of learning.  Seeing, doing, reading.  (I'm not a professional but this is from my personal experience) Grasp which type they are as early as possible.  Work with them.  If you don't know what to do, ask for assistance from friends, family or professionals.  It's out there and they were NOT kidding when they say it takes a village to raise a child.

7.) Do not yell.  If you do, admit you were in the wrong.  Every child will be a part reflection of their upbringing.  You cannot expect your child not to yell if you do.   Yelling has never solved anything when you yell at the ones you love the most.

8.) Let them become open minded.  This world is evolving & that will never stop.  You want them to evolve with it, you want them to be open minded and ask questions.  Most of us do not want our children to feel as if it's okay to "settle" or "stop".  Let them figure things out and form their own opinion.  Just because you were not given a choice in specific areas in your life doesn't mean they should.  

9.) Hug them.  Tell them you love them no matter what.  They might not tell you but they need to know you are there for them at any moment.  If you are reading this, you feel the same as me.  

10.) Let them go when they are ready.  From the back of their bike seat to them moving out, when you give them encouragement.  This is one of the biggest building blocks to a successful child.  Once they start to believe that they can do it, the world is their oyster.   

I've spent the last 24 + years helping my oldest son believe in himself by letting him go when he needed to.  As much as I was terrified, his confidence level went up every time.  I saw it and loved it.  Sometimes, he needed a push but I feel it was always at the right time.  My youngest, sure he's an extrovert but he's sensitive.  I've not had to nurture his outgoing personality but the reassurance at times that he was heading in a direction he wanted is something I've kept up.

Now, I am not a psychologist or a professional but I am speaking to you from a few years of experience that have, so far, let to success.  I don't plan on stopping either.  I encourage you to learn along the way with them, grow with them, and you'll see that not only have you helped raised a successful and happy child, you've become successful and happy too.