Redeveloping your core

It's been an interesting past few months to say the least.  A lot has transpired and although I have the need to write in reflection, I've found myself at a loss on how to articulate so many emotions. 

I suppose starting with one, as I always encourage baby steps.  Figuring out which emotion is hardest.  

I admit, mostly they can dictate direction, I do my best to discuss with some of those closest to me.  I speak, then listen without a predetermined outcome in mind.  

Let's sum today's blog up to external circumstances.  How does one react and how will it change the desired results?

Wait

Listen

Watch

I can honestly say that I use to jump to reaction, wanting to make things better or right.  Like many, I am a pleaser.  One friend once directed me to read the book, "The Five Love Languages". This helped me to discover that my "love language" is "Acts of service"  which came as no surprise.  My former life, I would do my best to conform to the needs of others while putting myself last.  In that process, I forgot who I was, how to become more and like a frog in water, didn't see the water boiling.  The results don't have to be illustrated for you.  I choose to make a change.  

While redeveloping my empathy thought process, personal standards and some core strength, I discovered a different me.  Albeit, my legs shook a wee bit while making the stands I made, I still did.  Even if, to this day it hurts to look back at the losses incurred I reassure myself they were the best ones irrespective.  

While I drone on with babble here, I suppose you are asking, what is the point?

I've slowed down.  Not because of someone pulling on my proverbial reins but I taught myself the value of my own beliefs.  This gave me the ability to wait out the process and let things happen naturally.  It appears they usually do.  

How to listen is key.  I use to listen with the intent to respond.  I am not yet the best at this but I challenge myself daily.  I am working hard to be present when someone is speaking.  If they are giving me the opportunity to be part of their lives then I want to show them their value.  

Watching is one of the best parts of life.  We all people watch from time to time.  I've learnt to put the devices down and absorb what is going on.  However, it's not just physically watching but tying into the three mentioned, it holds a key to discovering more about another, while developing a stronger awareness and better values of ourselves.  It's not about being judgmental but learning to hold myself accountable.  When I watch myself, I become more of who I want to be.  

Going back to the beginning, it's been a tough few months.  I won't be remiss in saying that life is perfect and the relationships I currently have are easy.  It's quite opposite.  However, I am learning and I hope those around me develop a strong feeling of trust and love when we are together.  I hope that the choices I have made over the last few months and year will come full circle and those who were part of them, understand where I came from and where I choose to be.  

The line between

It starts with a breath, then a cry.

For the next several years, you learn to fly.

Other learnt things may be to listen and speak,

You'll never know how far you can go until you reach the first peak.

The people you meet, the lessons learned,

Cannot compare, to the life you have earned.

Your choices are made, with emotions no doubt,

How you react will help create the path out.

I'll ask you to stop and enjoy warmth from the sun,

Explain each smell, every taste until you've begun.

To understand how things work, how to love,

How to feel with your heart and to place others above.

Each breath you take, each emotion you feel,

I want you to know, for the first time it's become real.

Life is here, enjoy every moment, grasp the chances,

Before you know it life will show it's advances.

You'll be the people, others will meet,

Giving lessons, helping others to find what they seek.

Sharing your choices, with high emotion,

Wiser than you expected and as vast as the ocean.

So before your last breath, take a moment to feel,

Ask yourself, have you done all you can, you know this is real.

Did you listen to the whisper, telling you to climb the peek,

Or did you hide behind your shadow, feeling small and meek.

Were you happy, did you love, were you willing to tell all,

You'll know this life, and how it's been very real when you start to fall.

Life is ending, but you've not forgotten the dash between the years,

It was short but you can let go, you've conquered your fears.
Author: Nicole Middleton

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

what lifts you up will return to be brighter

Sometimes, we let the wrong experiences define us.  The tough ones that we never thought the light would come back before it was over.  Moments where we have felt defeted, abandoned and jaded. 

The hardest parts of my life, were the ones that have almost pushed me over the edge, where I thought the light was gone.  I did, however clear the dust, after each stumble.  I'd recreate another path, with help from some extremely kind and loving people, at times, felt that without them, I wouldn't have survived.  

To this day, I still have some moments where I live in doubt and fear.  To this day, I look over my shoulder.  I even had been to the point that it almost effected my daily living.  I had a dog that I wouldn't leave a home without.  I wouldn't trust people and I lost some amazing opportunities due to this fear that developed from that life experience.  Where did it get me while I was trying to recover?  Not far.  Other than the gym or the furthest grocery store.  I learnt ways to protect, ways to develop a stronger second sense.  

After some time, I noticed how this experience was shaping me.  How I reverted to the "fight or flight" mode instead of "communicating and resolving."  I looked at myself both physically and internally reflecting on my direction.  Where I am going and where I could be?  

I forgot to stop looking at where I was in a positive light.  I know it's important to not forget the past so we don't make the same mistakes, it is also important to validate where we've come from and to celebrate the milestones.  To know that you've done your best and it's time to move on.  Your light will return and It will be okay.

Perhaps the thought that kept me going wasn't about what happened that tore me down but what happened that lifted me up. 

Where fear and doubt belong

you know that wee voice of doubt in your head?  You know, the one constantly knocking at every opportunity?  It's part of a bigger thing called fear and that itself has killed more dreams than you know of. It's something that should be locked away, yet we keep giving it another chance. 

Fear can cripple the most powerful by putting the wrong ideas into ones head, by guiding one to make a poor decision or a harsh reaction. Together fear and doubt can crush souls, destroy relationships and diminish the value of anything that you care for.  

What can you do to avoide fear and doubt?  For starters, write things down. Put what you are feeling on paper or in digital. Whatever you do, start with writing. Document your feelings then take a walk, a rest, a hot bath, just take a break. 

Return to the written document no sooner than 24 hours. Read it in peace, alone and out loud. Hear your voice and make how you felt real. Own it completely. 

Now rewrite it. Don't delete it or throw your original copy away but simply rewrite it as you see it today. Did your perspective change?  How do you feel?  

Take a deep breath and let it go. Rip it up or tuck it away. Regardless, do not keep it in front of you. 

Use these same principles in your every day life. Give fear and doubt that 24 hour rule. If it still seems doubtful or causes you fear then you'll need to go further. Just start here.

What is love?

I was reviewing my posts, searching to see if I wrote a specific blog on what I feel love is.. the funny thing I found while using the key word "love" in my search, was many of the posts had the word love in it, but none on it.  

Love is defined in the dictionary as;

However friends and family I've spoken to define it better.

Love is strength inside, defying all odds, by loving yourself.

Love is unconditional and knows no boundaries by loving another.

Love, in its purest form, accepts all by learning love is unconditional. 

At all times in life, we experience levels of love.  With kind actions, we see gestures given without expectations or when we feel the warmth of another's compassion.  

Love another.  

Love unconditionally, love completely.  

One up

You are caught up in a situation where you know, damn it.. you are right and you want it to be known, no matter what.  Telling whomever will listen, speaking your truth over and over again, wanting to be validated.

Over time though, you'll discover that the energy you expelled to prove you were right was not worth it.  Let me clarify this..

It is not worth it.

Vindication is not always healthy, helpful or otherwise kind.

I look back at my first relationship with my oldest son's father and his family.  I thought that if I fought back enough, I would "win" and they would see my worth as a mum.  I felt I had to prove to them and others my value.  

I look back now and see the wasted energy, time and the lost relationships.  Shaking my head as I type, I know I cannot get those back.

However, I still have the time to forgive, let go and ask for their forgiveness.  The regret is that I wasn't able to look past my immediate feelings at the time for the greater good, my son.  I'll own this.  

So that "one up" you feel you have in your back pocket will always weigh you down.  It will burn a hole through whatever you use to carry it and will not give you the satisfaction you think you'll get from it.

Perhaps, take a moment before you respond, reply or react.  Think about how it will affect things 5 minutes from now, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years.  Perhaps the best response is nothing at all.  That "one up" you think you have for whatever reason is for you to consider and no one else.

Resetting your thoughts

After hitting the reset button almost two years ago with some of my personal relationships, I've discovered how to label many thoughts in my mind. Mostly for the sake of keeping my mental state balanced, which it seems, in the past wasn't always the case as I wouldn't face the many challenges, rather in simple terms, place my head in sand to avoid the truth. Feeling scattered, stressed and unrested.  

I've learnt to feel the calmness in facing and conquering the same challenges albeit not always as successful as I'd want, I still face the challenge. 

We all have a picture in our heads of who we are, so let's visit that for a wee moment. 

You are reflecting on the past, perhaps painful and challenging. Did you feel valued?  Did you feel shame?  Is that person you see, small and unable?  Curled in a ball in the corner?  

If that's the case, take a moment to dig a bit further in a positive way.  That person you were may not have felt valued and carried shame for years however, that person survived. Regardless of how, they did. Now revisit that image. Are they still small, unable and curled in the corner or do you see that small person standing proudly, with a grin with a feeling of accomplishment?  


For every step we take, we choose to see the adversity or the successes. Those moments will help us either move forward or stay in the present.  

Take a moment to take inventory in your life, the experiences and label them.  Then turn them each into positive moments. You don't have to do them all at once, just start like this..

"When I was 6, we had a puppy that ran away as I left the gate open.  A day later, she returned.  I was very upset with myself for not being responsible."

While you owned it, you never forgave yourself. The shame from this may linger in your subconscious telling you how incapable or irresponsible you are.  This is where you stop growing.  Take a step back and tell yourself you made the mistake, (owning it) then make the change to remember to close the gate. 

Congrats!  You've just moved forward. You've taken a mistake, learnt from it and made it positive.  Use every opportunity to grow and become a stronger, more confident person. If you choose to let the shame linger, you will remain stuck.

Discovering your mountain

As I hunker down on my daily tasks, I reflect on the past years, not only my own but others that have been closest to me.  When I started to write, I wanted to encourage and inspire my own children, in the process finding myself.  

It was by utter surprise when I stumbled a few times, that each moment I would dust myself off, pull myself back up that I'd find more inspiration inside.  

We all keep searching for the one thing that brings meaning to our lives, to tell ourselves and the world, "This is why I'm here" and some of us, perhaps by luck, find it.  Truly though, going day to day with our heads down and back ends up working, providing and living for another we lose ourselves.  Then, years later we wake up from the daily grind and ask "Where has time gone?"  We look in the mirror and see someone we forgot about.  

Have you noticed when life events happen, blame is the first thing we throw and forget to not only at times, to take accountability but to see why it happened?  

A lost relationship, a lost job or a lost ..

Are they really a loss or are they something to help us find the right direction, to head in and make the change to find ourselves again, to reinvent perhaps?  Risk is a fear we use as our largest road block.  

I've often read that public speaking is our biggest fear.  Why?  Because we are risking taking the moment to put our selves out there completely, making us accountable in the present, completely vulnerable.  

I personally live life as transparent as possible.  Although I feel at times, less capable of some tasks at hand, I'll be open and honest.  I suppose that's why I love public speaking.  I am open to that risk but inside, terrified of failing myself.  I know what I am capable of, and slowly am building that mountain I need to conquer by placing each pebble, each rock in places so I can climb it and say, "Here I am".  Now it's your turn.

Being honest with yourself

Let me be brutally honest.  More so than usual.

I swear sometimes.

 I get sad... I mean, down right boo hoo, want to crawl in a hole and lose myself.

Sometimes,

I doubt myself.

I question a lot of my choices and reactions.

I am afraid of thunder and butterfly's.

Sometimes I talk in my sleep when my mind is full and the thoughts spill over.

I mostly hold judgment on myself. Anything I do is a result of one question, "would I be proud of this choice?"

Aside all those negative things these are the ones I am proud to be honest about.

I swear sometimes times. I've learnt some words can be used to express emotions, even if they sound crude. 

I cry, abundantly and honestly but then feel a lot better.

I doubt myself but I know that if I didn't I'd be living life ignorantly. 

I may be afraid of nature but I'll embrace it too.  I sit in the stillness of a storm and watch a butterfly transform and fly away.  

I know when I talk in my sleep, I am relaxed enough to do so and trust.

When I hold judgement on myself, I make myself accountable and more often than not, if a change is needed, I'll do that too. 

What is being told here, isn't about me so much as it's about the truth of who we all are.  To recognize and accept.  To know what we do is something we have to be proactive about at times and, during our valleys, to learn that it's okay, things will turn around when we are ready and willing.