Why kindness?

It's a story simply put.  A young person feels down but looks up.  They see someone in need.   They put aside their own worries for another.  Lost in the moment, listening to another persons story, they forget their own.  After some time passes, they get up and go back on their path.  For a moment, this young person may reflect on what just happened, they may even reflect on what is going on in their lives, changing their perspective.  

The one they helped, may not ever forget the moment someone saw them for who they are, human.  One in need.  

The next day, this young person chooses to do another act.  They keep their eyes open, even if they are dimly lit with their current life experiences, they still choose to watch for another opportunity.  

Why?  It actually helped them and deep down, they know this.  

How?  Perspective.  

We all know life ebbs and flows.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  The choice is still ours though.  To make a difference in our flow.  How do we recover from something that can tear us down or how to enjoy the ride when it's feeling like we are at the top.  

I've learnt to observe.  To love life, no matter how tough.  I know the energy that comes with life and that I will give out what I want back, no matter how bad or ugly.  Just give me a moment when things are down but believe me, I'll be back up and running in no time.  This is why I choose kindness.  There is this infinite power in kindness, something I cannot explain.  Something that is more powerful than hate, more powerful than anger and something that no matter what, will help you too.  Kindness is it's own energy.

Why am I choosing to describe the person in this as "young"?  Let me share something amazing with you.  My son, my partner, a friend and myself were serving dinner outside at our local homeless shelter.  Something we try and do on a monthly basis.  While my son and partner were helping my friend to her car, I went to grab mine.  As I approached my friends car, I looked over to my left.

There was a young man, no more than 20, layering a blanket on another who was clearly unable to stand.  This young man who was trying to help would have been labeled in public as possibly a gang member, someone who was wearing his hat backwards, pants lower.. but here he was, caring for another and not caring about what was going on in his life.  My son, got into the car and said "Mum, did you see that? We should get a photo."  

I responded by ... "darling, sometimes, these moments need to be kept in our memory and perhaps not sharing a photo of what we saw, gives another dignity and pride."  

He understood.  What is more important?  My young son, saw the gift of kindness.  He experienced the moment where giving was better without expecting anything in return.  

Live your most authentic life starting today

2016 came and went like a breath of air.  

A big, deep down, lung filling, and ever so present breath of fresh air.  One that, when you exhale slowly makes you feel fresh and new.  This is what it was for us. 

I made some drastic changes in 2016 without any plans or idea of how it would turn out.  For the first time, I took a step, when I didn't see where I was going.  It was based on faith.  

Once I discovered that I no longer needed a plan and to trust in faith, I started to believe I could do something more than what I thought possible.  

Now a year later, after a deep, lung clearing, life changing breath I am not exactly where I imagined I'd be, but better.  

Perhaps, just perhaps when we learn to let go of the stigma which is built into society that success is defined by what others see, we learn to be happier, live a  more fulfilled life and decide to put value into something that will sustain us much further than we ever imagined.  

I challenge you this year to make some changes that do not involve obtaining a thing.  Perhaps, being in the service of another.  Putting your wants and desires far, far back and making a choice to change.  If possible, you may find that one small act, the happiness you are so desperately searching for, will find you.  

Happy New Year my friends.  May you discover love, happiness and live the most authentic life you have ever lived.

How to remove toxic from your life

Daily, we look around us and try to avoid toxic intakes such as processed foods, air or bodies of water that are uninhabitable.  Why would we allow toxic relationships in our lives?  

I can tell you that, most of us, over a period of time become numb to our surroundings.  We accept what we live with, work with and play with.  We become what we accept in our daily lives, some call it comfortable. 

For many years, we've accepted what is unacceptable.  We've allowed and laughed at jokes which are sexist, racist, hateful and truly not funny, nor should we tolerate them.  Part of the issue is, we do not know how to tell someone that what they've said is truly unacceptable.  How is that possible?  We are living a life now where we are aware of the toxins around us, like I said above.  Smoking or inhaling secondhand smoke.  Foods that have been prepared and can go for days, weeks or months before going bad.  What about water that has been mistreated with trash or chemicals, which we drink?  We all know those are bad and we are, for the most part making conscious choices to not take part of this.  

but.. when we hear another berate someone for being a woman, being of a specific ethnicity, being gay, or even being too thin, why do we laugh at it?  Why is it "OKAY" to say "she deserved it?" Or having a different skin tone makes one lesser of a person, or that it's not normal to want to be with someone of the same sex or even your body size?  

I've developed the best of friends with a man who had discovered "what true love is" after he's told his family who he truly is by "coming out".  I've had friends who have loved deeper and truer that are of different ethnicity and show me what "real" is.  

I have also had men and women also show me what hate is.  
It doesn't matter what they do, who they are or where they plan on going.  I have walked away from a large part of my life due to the opinions of others and where they should be.  

I now stand for who I am and what I believe in.  

For example, you were born into a Catholic family.. my guess is that your chosen life will become one that reflects your family.  Your parents are, your grandparents are.. you will be.  Don't get me wrong, if your choice doesn't hurt anyone then it's in my humble opinion that it can't be bad. 

The tough part is, when do we, as growing people learn to make a change that reflects ourselves without the fear of letting those who we love the most feel let down?  Is this where it starts?  

Having 2 beautiful boys who I love dearly I do my best to direct by example how to be a better human.  Not attending a church in a building but I'll give thanks daily for the gifts that I receive, calling this my daily gratitude.  Then doing my best to give back.  Writing about this from time to time on social media to encourage others to do the same but daily, mentioning to my youngest as a reminder; "do something kind for someone today." And you know what?  Most days, he comes home beaming proud of something he did.  

My next step in life is to teach them that you will get back what you put in.  Not just with general life but in school, with relationships and respect.  Some days it may not seem to be that clear but most days, hearing about how things happened even if they were not a success, how it can be done better next time.  We talk and sometimes, a lot.  Even if we don't agree, encouraging a healthy conversation is key.  My favourite ones are when I see my error and apologize.  I know it sounds odd but I'll take full handle on that opportunity and use it to teach him how to accept an apology instead of saying the typical; "That's okay."  Because, sometimes, it's NOT okay.  

I may not be the perfect parent but I'm trying to teach my boys not to accept the toxic in their lives before they think it's normal.  

Time passes and does heal wounds

A year ago today, I made a life changing decision.  It took all of me to step into the unknown, with the unconditional support and love from family and friends.  

Perhaps, a journey that I metaphorically saw as monumental, as my personal belief was diminished to something smaller than I had ever imagined in the last 20 years.  This was my mountain to conquer.  


6 months after, I took the journey to do another.  I traveled on nothing but faith and determination to learn that my internal strength was solid.  

I took a path up a mountain and I saw things I had never dreamed of.  I did things I lost faith in, all while doing this alone.  Finding that, no matter the voices that use to be inside my thoughts, creating doubt now screamed louder telling me; you can do this!  
I got to the top of my hike, sat in solitude and cried while I took the deepest breath I've had in my entire life. 
Last weekend, almost 1 year from my life changing decision, 6 months from my journey to prove my personal worth, I choose to share it with someone who values me for who I am.   

Today, it's been 3 months of rediscovery of faith, love and trust in another.  Sure I wear rose coloured glasses, I will always have faith in human kind, to do better, become wiser and love deeper.  I won't live with regrets.  We should not accept anything less than to be treated like a person, no matter our gender, colour race.  I see beauty in flaws, I see strength in the meek, I see love in the lost.  
This man has volunteered has with me, sang with me, laughed with me, cried with me and shared life with me.  More than I ever expected, more than I anticipated.  I've learnt to give without expectations, live life without wants and to see value in the smallest of things.  Today, is the first day of the rest of my life.  

A simple glance

I don't know what else to say.  Every day, I am asked; "How do you find happiness?"  and I can't explain what I've been given.  

I suppose I've read that those who go through tough moments in life, learn to love the smallest of gestures.  I don't know how to compare my past journeys to another but I do know the ones I've travelled on have given me the strength to see a brighter side in life.  

I've not experienced a war but I've experienced emotional bombs and explosions.  I've not experienced the life of a prisoner but I have been locked away with my fears and doubts.  I've not experienced famine but I've experienced a life without love.  I've not experienced homeless but I've felt alone.

We all go through the toughest of times, of fear and anger.  One of resentment and hostility.  Those emotions, I never want to feel again.  

I've also seen the brighter side of life.  I've seen a smile creep across one that has nothing when we've made eye contact.  I've hugged a soul that desperately needed to feel loved.  I've given my time to another when they felt nothing was left.  

What I've asked for in return?  Nothing.  What have I spent?  Not a dime.  What's made me happy?  Knowing that a small gesture has given someone a wee bit of hope after a long, tough go at it.  Even if, just for a moment.  So what have I invested to make my life better?  Simply put, I've invested the most valuable commodity I hold dearest to me.  My time.  I've only received the most valuable thing in return.  Love, appreciation and acceptance.  What have I needed all my life?  Exactly those 3 things.  What makes me happiest?  Knowing that, without costing me a dime, I give.  Completely and without regret.  

I cannot tell you how to find your happiness, you have to find it.  

I've let things go in life, that I refuse to give the most valuable possession to.  My time.  I'll give it to another who, without expecting gives back by a simple glance. 

A blank page

Each day, we wake with a blank page to write on. 

Before you plant your base on the ground, open those eyes and take a moment to take it in.  Inhale your first breath of the day and make a choice to paint the blank page with what you want it to become.  

The most important journey we will take is the one for ourselves.  Know that, all of us are going through a similar journey, a journey to find our truth, who we are and what makes us happy.  

Plant your feet firmly on the ground and make the choice to live with each moment you make.  From the first words muttered out through your lips, to the ears of the person who hears them.  

Start to say no, but yes for what you stand for.  Be true to yourself, not the one who tries to paint you for who they think you should be.  Stand your ground and celebrate what life means to you.  To create, to feel valued, to love and to change.  Celebrate your authentic self because every night, you go to sleep with who you truly are.  

Go ahead, paint that blank page the colors you want.

What does it take?

I'm a wee bit behind on my last entry as I mentioned it would be the following day and here I am, somewhat trying to best put into words how giving helps the soul. 

Doing my best over a large stretch of years to give back, to show others how giving can benefit not just the recipient but your physical and mental well being.   As my personal journey has gone off on a tangent, I've had to strengthen the foundation to ensure the path to the end goal is safer.  It's not as dramatic as it sounds, trust me.    

I cannot fathom the amount of gratitude that I could have gained when I started volunteering.  I don't need or want much anymore, I am thankful every day for the moments I live in, the moments those I love, live in and truly embrace moments to come.  Although I do not have expectations, I'll admit I still live with an abundance of hope.  That's something I refuse to give up, no matter the outcome.  

Life, as I've promised in the past blogs, will toss you through a loop.  It's going to make you question everything you've learnt, the good and the bad.  Just know, this is completely natural.  

Do it, question everything, every day.  Try to make it better, if not for anyone but yourself.  

Live it happy.  

You can only change your personal outcome and not anothers.  Trying to understand or explain why someone's choice is, will not help you or cause benefit.  You just need to give it away to them to own. 

While being at Hope Mission in Edmonton, I volunteer with a group of amazing people, who without judgement and funding, feed others with food and love out of their own pocket.  This isn't just about filling the bellies, but about filling the heart of another.  Expressing a genuine concern for another who has nothing isn't something that just "happens".  I've seen this first hand.  My experiences going from stunned to open armed within less than a year has grown me as a human.  When I look back now, I've seen how much I've grown, I've seen how much others have grown and it warms my heart and soul knowing, that perhaps I've had a wee bit of input with this.. that perhaps, the ripple goes further than I've anticipated.  

I encourage you to head out and not only do a RAK (Random Act of Kindness) but do something with intention, without expecting anything in return.  Love unconditionally for a split moment so that your ripple becomes larger. 

What if

I want to challenge you to seek something you've never done before.  Something that can not only benefit you but another along the way.  

In the next 24 hours, I want you to think outside the box and do something extraordinary.

Let me give you an example.

A few years back, I found a group on Facebook called "Food from the heart" (although it's a picture of a heart.)  

I explored what they do.  On Thursday's a group of people locally go to a shelter and feed the homeless that are lined up to get a warm bed for the night.  They do this on their own, without funding.  Preparing the food at their own homes, then serving it outside on a portable table that another brings.  Within an hour, the food is mostly gone but the group remains.  They stay and chat until the doors open with everyone in line.  Not only do they feed them, they make those in need feel part of the group.  Hugs are given.  Words are spoken and kindness is in abundance.  

I found this out because I started to go.  The first time, in awe with a friend.  The second and so forth with others or on my own.  Sometimes I bring food, sometimes just myself.  

I did this to prove to myself there is a kinder world out there, one that isn't propagated on social media or television.  One that is hidden but can be easily accessed.  

What if I hadn't searched out something like this?  

Perhaps my view on this world would have been different although I highly doubt it.  I have, and always will see it as a kinder world than what others choose to show us.  I hear others opinions about how social media isn't the greatest but what if... we all choose to make it something that is good and kind and meaningful?  What if, we choose to do something out of the box that is extraordinary?  

Make your something of "what if's" more than what is expected.  

I'll blog again after I go tomorrow with a few photo's of the extraordinary people that come to make a small difference of kindness, love and compassion.  

How I see you

I was laying in bed, my head going a mile a minute so now I am finding myself sitting here in front of my computer screen wanting articulate in words the thoughts that keep me awake.

I want you to know something. 

You are amazing. 

To my family, my friends and even to those I've not met yet, I want you to know that I think you are perfect.

I mean it.

Look at yourself when you wake up.  Stand up and walk to the mirror.  You've come a long way.  It's been a journey and you are now in a place you can quietly (or loudly proclaim) 

YOU are okay.  

I don't care what gender you are, the size of your body or the length of your nose.  You are beautiful.  If you could only see what I see.  

I see this amazing person who is kind and generous.  Who can love without conditions or expectations.  Who gives to another without a second thought.  You are so much stronger than you know.  

If you saw what I see, you might be shocked.  

I see a friend who wears a superhero outfit under her daily clothing.  A mother who strives to have her family be more than what they know they can be.  A man who loves deeper than the ocean and has more faith in others than himself.  Stop short changing every action you do and start being proud of yourself.  

Although your journey isn't done, you need to know that you make others days brighter.  YOU create happiness with a simple smile.  Your heartbeat alone makes me want to cheer louder for you, to have you cheer yourself on is in itself an act of bravery.  So go ahead, love who you are and know, I am behind you 100% of the way.

My tool box

I've been granted the gift of many tools from my parents, family and my friends, all walks of life and experiences. Good or bad.  

It's not the tool box you see that may be coloured red with items such as a hammer or saw but a box that is contained in my head and heart.

My tool box has an abundance of items I use, at times daily.  

I am no longer ignorant to others, learning this with the tool of compassion.
I am not above anyone else, learning this with the tool of humility.
I am not better than anyone else, learning this with the tool of kindness.  

The key to building your tool box is to live with your eyes wide open.  Do not be adverse to listening and learning from others.  Mostly, take each opportunity one to learn from and better yourself.  We cannot live without air, so live each moment as if it was dependent on your last breath.  Be open with who you are and if by chance someone can gain from your experiences, all the better.  

Sure, sharing can open the door to a bit of pain but I can promise you that there is more to gain from sharing than the chance of being hurt. 

The most amazing thing is when you have built your tool box, you can lend those out for others to use, to help build with and you'll never lose them.