How you can try to avoid misunderstandings

" I "

Use it a lot.  

" I feel "  

Explain how you feel without making the one hearing you, hurt.  When you state " I feel " you are not pointing fingers, you are owning how you feel.  

Communication is key to any relationship.  With your kids, family and friends.  I was in a relationship for just over 20 years.  Communication break down is one of the key factors that broke us.  

Trying to start living life again is one of the hardest things I've encountered and although " I feel " the need to share my life, I know that opening up again and listening to others will be the key in being successful with all aspects in any relationships going forward.  This is paramount in parenting, which is my #1 priority.  

I want to live the life that will reflect something positive and help my children develop into someone better than me so I am internally building my core values and beliefs.  

This will be the first step in my personal communications manual.  

Step 1 - Listen, with the intent to listen, not to speak
Step 2 - Open your mind without preconceived ideas
Step 3 - Ask a lot of questions 
Step 4 - Never assume
Step 5 - Be present, in the moment
Step 6 - Be honest with yourself and the other person

What do I know.  I'm not a psychologist or a councillor.  I am human just like you and with the experiences I've had I learn.  

No one else is in your head.  No one can understand your thought process so open up and be honest.  Your idea of communication is different from others.  

If you don't listen, open up, ask, stop assuming are not in the moment and not honest, then you've forgotten what you need to do to move forward.  Of course, this is my opinion.  

Most importantly, don't build walls.  If you tell others to live life, you need to do the same.  

Falling isn't the hardest part

I wrote this earlier with pen and paper.  Getting back to a good book always feels organic.  

I can't say all my experiences have been rosey but the best parts of my life have been from heart breaks.

I know some people reading this may shake their heads but let me explain.  

When you learn to walk, you will fall.  It will hurt.  You may get scarred.  

In the innocence of learning, the eagerness of trying you will get hurt.  

Fast forward to now.  With anything in life, you need to try.  Throw caution to the wind. 

I can't promise that it won't be hard.  I won't lie and say sometimes it's going to hurt but I will promise to you that it will get easier.  You will discover strength in places you never thought possible.  

Remember as quickly as you start, you will recover.  

Taking chances

I am one for saying we should live life.  Honestly though, fear holds me back from doing what I want at times, experiencing something that is simple can be hardest.  

It's Christmas eve and life around my home, my family has changed drastically.  I've rediscovered old friends and new ones.  

When I say sometimes the smallest things can be the hardest it's due to making change and trying something outside of your normal.  Something that you cannot imagine doing but you do it.  Push yourself.  Trust yourself and try and trust others.  Don't let the negative creep in your mind (trust me, it happens).

If you let fear and doubt creep in, you may lose out on an experience.  

Don't live life with regrets.

Crossing the start line

Like many things in life we create plans, build dreams and believe.  

Each of those have a start line and many of us are afraid of it, which is why we sometimes fail at crossing.  

Yesterday, I was spending time with a friend at the local gym and before we headed on the track I gave a small pep talk.  

"Remember, no matter what we feel about our bodies everyone started somewhere.  You are here now and willing to make a change for yourself, this is your start line."

We see a bigger picture of what we want in life, who we feel we should become or what can make us happy.  What we forget about are the steps it takes to get to that bigger picture.  To make a better life, we must start with ourselves and build from that foundation.  

A better job?  Return to school or go for training
Healthier body?  Eat right, exercise, breathe.
A stronger mind?  Read, listen and open up.
Better relationships?  Start with yourself.

This earth was not built nor did it evolve over night.  Our souls will change every moment of every day.  How your mind and heart deals with your past will help you deal with your next starting line and ultimately how you finish.

Like a painting, nothing in life can be complete until the last stroke has been taken.  

List all the things you love

Don't stop....

Believing

In yourself, others, forgiving, learning, wanting, breathing, living.  

Listening

To yourself, nature, your emotions, your thoughts,  your body.

Trusting

Yourself, your intuition, your heart.

When you let these go, you let a part of you go.  You don't need to control everything in life but you need to keep moving forward with the simple fact that you need to put "you" first at times.  

I did a little experiment with some friends.  In an envelope, I put a quote, sealed it & wrote on the outside this;

List the things you love.  The envelope had a numeric list on the outside, 1 to 5

I handed it out to a few friends then walked away.  After a few minutes, I returned to see what they did.

Each person that filled this out did what I anticipated.  They put names of people, their pets or possessions.  Not one person put themselves on the list.  When they opened the envelope, they were tossed back a bit.  They were surprised with what was inside.  

It was interesting to see this perspective.  To see that most of us do not look inward, do not reflect on ourselves.  It's not a selfish act but quite the opposite.  Mum use to tell me that no one can truly love me until I love and accept myself.  She was bang on.  If I've stopped believing, listening and trusting myself I've not got it right.  

Stop what you are doing, head back to your mirror.  Look at you and know this.

You woke this morning.  You saw the sunrise.  You took a breath.  

You are strong, amazing, loving, kind and worth those words to say to yourself.  Live in the here and now.  Don't let the past control you, the future create fear and doubt.  Tomorrow has not happened yet and if you let both the past and the future control your thoughts, you will lose today, you will lose this moment.  

The Tree

Over the past few years, I've not only collected ornaments for our family tree, but given ones away as gifts.  They are usually small but have meaning to them.  Meaning that I hold close.  

Being from a large family, spread out across Canada we do not see each other often.  Not as much as I wish.  I'm not just talking about blood family, it's family I've made through the years.  The people who love you unconditionally, the ones you can bend an ear for, laugh with, cry with and create memories with.  

If someone were to ask me to draw a family tree, it would be a tad large.  As I grew up with such a diverse family already, I learnt to accept others as family.  Let me try to draw you a picture.

My grandparents.  Both sets from all over the world, not one born in Canada.  Immigrated here from somewhere across the pond.  I am proudly a 3rd generation Canadian.  Mum and Dad met after both of them had 2 boys each.  Now you can picture my 2 sets of grandparents, Mum and Dad, 4 brothers and I.  It's not over.  My older sister came in to the picture when I was around 5, (yes older, she joined us thankfully) and then my younger brother.  Now there are 7 siblings.  Big family makes for diversity.  I won't lie, there were times we didn't get along but those times, they made us stronger.  My brothers, sister and I have children so it's grown to a total number of 25.  

Through the years, with the assistance of the internet, I've gained family from Vancouver, BC to Moncton, NB, Canada, to other countries in this big world.  My extended family we've started to meet over 15 years ago.  I can't even count those numbers.  

Although my limbs grow in places I've not expected, my roots are stronger than anticipated.  My trunk filled with love and compassion, the leaves grow each year fuller, ready for the snow to fall.  Why?  Because each year, I place an ornament on a limb that reminds me of the love I've had in my life, the experiences granted and the faith I've gained.  

I suppose my message here is, never close your doors to possibilities of family.  Of someone willing to love you unconditionally.  To be honest with you, to share their life, no matter if it's completely or partially they will become part of your life line.  Part of your heart beat, part of your tree that grows and adapts unconditionally.  Family is not defined by blood or where you are.  

Remember, a strong tree requires sun shine, water and attention.  Nurture your tree, fill it with what makes you happiest and you'll see it grow more every year.  

Watching change happen

At 5 years of age, I had no concept of fear, anger, mistrust.  

It was mid summer and I was playing on the side of the road, barefoot and looking for rocks.  We lived in the city a few blocks from a school, a playground and the mall.  

A stranger came up to me and asked me where my shoes were.  I told her that I only had 1 pair and they were to be used for Church, School or shopping.  I have a large family and we share clothing.  It didn't matter to me, I was clothed!  I was fed!  I had a roof and people who loved me.  Nothing else mattered.  

She stood there grinning at my response.  "Do you want to go to the mall with me?"  Without hesitation I jumped up and off we went.  It was only a few blocks away and I knew mum was inside busy so off I went.  

Londonderry mall, north Edmonton.  The Hudson's Bay.  I was really excited.  She took me to the shoe department.  Next thing I knew I was trying on different shoes, all colors and types.   

We walked back home.  I had 3 boxes with new shoes!  A red pair of dress shoes, sandals and runners.  I gave her the biggest hug a 5 year old could, said thank you and asked if I could go get my mum.  She said yes and I ran into the house.  Mum was stunned, upset that I left with a complete stranger.  By the time we came outside, she had left.  

I've not seen her since but that memory has stuck inside me and created change.  I started to become aware.  Not of what I wanted personally but how change can affect someone.  

Now, with the memory embedded in me I recall that memory with great fondness, faith and compassion.  I still don't need much, doing my best to live in the moment and paying it forward.  Family and friends are what I hold closest and I do my best to create change.  I watch it unfold in front of me.  Gratitude is my biggest emotion and I plan to watch change happen each and every single day.  

Balance

Turn on the TV, Radio or flip the pages of your local paper and see what is being put out that is either good or bad for you.  One week it's the consumption of food (types of), screen time (TV, games, computer) sunlight, sleep, I could go on.  

Many of the things in our lives are actually great for us.  All in moderation that is.  This can apply to how you view life as well.  How we react and learn from situations.

You may have experienced a moment where it breaks you a bit, makes you sad or creates questions within you.  How did you react the last time this happened?  How could you have changed that reaction to learn from it?  

What if something happened that changed your outlook for the better?  Something that made your heart skip a beat and put that smile on your face?  What did you do to share your life experience? 

A lot of questions but truthfully, you need to look at each situation you are given daily and ask yourself some of those.  Balance out the why's.  Know that you are the only one that can control the direction of each event in your life.  How you react, what you do and say will create either a positive or negative result.  Learn to create the balance in your life. 

The Sun and the Wind

As a young girl, I loved reading books and having them read to me.  I have a few that have stuck to memory and reflect on them often.  This one specifically comes to mind almost daily.

The Sun and the Wind

     The North Wind boasted of great strength. The Sun argued that there was great power in gentleness.

     "We shall have a contest," said the Sun.

     Far below, a man traveled a winding road. He was wearing a warm winter coat.

     "As a test of strength," said the Sun, "Let us see which of us can take the coat off of that man."

     "It will be quite simple for me to force him to remove his coat," bragged the Wind.

     The Wind blew so hard, the birds clung to the trees. The world was filled with dust and leaves. But the harder the wind blew down the road, the tighter the shivering man clung to his coat.

     Then, the Sun came out from behind a cloud. Sun warmed the air and the frosty ground.  The man on the road unbuttoned his coat.

     The sun grew slowly brighter and brighter.

     Soon the man felt so hot, he took off his coat and sat down in a shady spot.

     "How did you do that?" said the Wind.

     "It was easy," said the Sun, "I lit the day, through gentleness."

Often when I reflect on this story, I know that through compassion and understanding results are different.  We do not have to force our thoughts or opinions on others, rather sharing experiences.  Persuasion is better than force.  

Every day gifts

Opening your eyes in the morning.  Family.  Warmth.  Friends.  laughter.  The sun rising and setting.  Heartbeat.  Breaths taken.  

Focusing on the positive side is a step towards a better life.  No matter how difficult life can be, if you take a moment to see your every day gifts it may make the hills easier to climb.  Living inside a box in fear of what is outside will limit your ability to grow.  Not being fully aware of what is going on will slow your personal progress.  

Today when you step outside, look up.  Look around.  Take a deep breath and a moment to see your every day gifts.  You are more than you know.  Create your life to be better.  This is your life and you only have one shot.