To be of value, rather than success

I've had the pleasure of meeting a wide range of people to date in my life that have a different perspective of success.  When one tells me they felt the most successful is when they've had possessions or access to unlimited funds I smirk, wondering if they truly know what success is.  

I've got my version of success and for me, it's not that.  Success is knowing you've impacted someones life.  I was quite young when I had my first.  I've shared the shoe story a few times but it never gets old and it certainly puts a smile on my face.   

I was 5, playing outside, bare foot on the side of the road, checking out pebbles.  A lady came up to me and asked me where my shoes were.  I shrugged my shoulders and just told her they were for the store, school or church, not for playing outside.  I never thought much of the lack of footwear, it was a simple part of my life.  She took me to the mall, bought me 3 pairs of shoes.  A pair of runners, a pair of red dress shoes and a pair of sandals.  Brought me home and of course I said thank you.  I ran into the house to tell my mum.  Of course she was upset, I was oblivious of the dangers when going with a stranger at 5 years of age and when we went back outside with mum.  The lady was gone, never to be seen again.  

She had an impact on me.  My mum had an impact on me, my grandmother, cousins, sister, brothers.  I changed every time someone made me "pause & reflect".  I don't think I've been the wisest in life but I've certainly taken a bit from every experience.  Now looking back, I'd count moving forward a success.  I'd count learning to think a success.  I'd count that every time I've impacted someone, that is my greatest success.  I hope of course, all of them were positive.  My children are my biggest success, they've had me in their lives for as long as they've graced this earth and me.  

I use to think, perhaps like many that I didn't have the talents I've seen others display over the years.  The ones who pick up a guitar and sing, or ones who can play almost any sport or speak at an event without a pause.  Now when I see someone showing success in their lives by demonstrating their talents, it was nothing short of time and lots of hard work.  Which of course, brought them to the success they are having.  

I wouldn't say success is merely measured by what you own but what you have experienced, something you may have worked for and perhaps, what you are willing to give.  We appreciate internally what those are and it makes us happy.. right?  Well, in my case it makes me happy.  I don't need "items" to put a smile on my face anymore (if I did ever for that matter) I know who I am, where I've been, what I stand for.  

We are human

I want to start off saying thank you to those who have made mistakes.  You've humanised who you are.  A common thread we tend to forget everyone has.  

I fell off my first bike the first time I tried to peddle.  My sister behind me, giving me a push, encouraging me to keep going.  I fell.  I cried.  I didn't want to get back on but she said to.  She also said, I wasn't the first to fall and almost everyone else got back on.  The ones that didn't?  They never found out what it was like to succeed at something that scared them.  

Within this we can say so many things make us human.  Trying something new, discovering you aren't the only one to fall, hearing encouraging words, success and conquering fear. 

Regardless of our skin colour, beliefs and language.  It's time to practise a bit of compassion and come to the simple truth, we are all human.  We will do our best, even in the darkest of hours, we will succeed.  

What is love?

Having kids in my life has opened my eyes and heart more than I've ever anticipated.  I don't know if I formulated an opinion prior to them about much as my personal life experiences limited me to nothing further outside the exposure I was offered.  Or lack there of.  Not to blame anyone, there is no need for that.  It was simply lack of experience or exposure on others that they were exposed to.  

Our thought process is based on experiences we've had in life.  Good or bad.  We judge what we see by what we hear & feel.  If you cut yourself with a knife is soapy water, you will learn some valuable lessons.  a. don't put sharp objects in soapy water where you can't see them & b. it hurts!  

In that order, we place life lessons and base our thought processes on them.  Like love, we go into this blindly, tossing basic instincts aside until we get hurt.  Sometimes, we keep repeating the pattern until we become numb to the process and forget what it's all about.  

A key to moving forward in life is experiences, learning within them and finally, growing from them.  If you want to stay home, that is okay.  If you want to get out and see what there is in this great big world, that is okay too.  Just do your best not to hold someone back from trying to be a better "them".  They may not want to run from you but grow with you.  They may not want to find another, they may want your unconditional love.  

Love isn't control, it's acceptance.  Love isn't greed or anger, it is generous and kind.  

If you want to say something, learn about it first.  Speak your mind when it's full of knowledge.  Free yourself from binds that hold you by learning something new, become a kinder person by gaining insight by asking someone... "is everything okay?"  

I didn't learn these by waking up one day and a light bulb went on, I picked up little bits here and there by life experiences.  I've also taken the opportunity to listen and not speak.  

The shoes

Through time and experience, I've discovered that life is a collaboration of thoughts, ideas and even energy.  

What is collaboration?  

This is usually done by a group of people coming together for a common goal.  

What if, you used the term for yourself?  I'm taking about your beliefs and ideals.  Your experiences in life, narrow those down for each of us and see how it's put us on a path towards something we never dared plan or for that matter, dream.  

10 even 20 years ago, I never thought I'd be in the shoes I am now.  The funny thing is, I picked them.  For the first time, I picked them.  (metaphorically speaking ~ saying with a slight smirk) 

I've gone through life thus far and I'll use the term "collaboration" to describe the events that put my shoes together.  Tough times, amazing times, beautiful moments and sad moments.  
Each experience I've had though, has given me a new perspective that has opened my eyes and when I look back on the well worn path, I smile a bit.  

I suppose this is why you hear the saying, "never judge a person until you've walked in their shoes"... 

So, I've taken each experience, tossed them together and created these amazing shoes that I will build a better path on.  It's in my control and no ones else will determine the durability of these shoes.  Granted, I plan on changing them a few times.  I know I've got a lot of things to cover.  

Why don't you try on your own pair?

What if the world were to crumble would you drop your arms and extend your hands?

Would we drop arms against each other, stop looking at your neighbour as the enemy and reach out with an extended hand?  It's time to stop passing judgement on someone due to their beliefs, what you see, what you even hear second handed.  

You do not have to be best friends with someone who holds a different view, you can simply enjoy the opportunity to learn another aspect of life you may not have been exposed to before meeting them, before engaging them.  It's called respect and if we cannot have it for each other in our daily lives then we've become the animal which is controlled by anger, hate and fear.  

Start moving forward, away from those emotions, those feelings that make you lose control.  Move towards compassion, tolerance and create an open mind by using your ears.

I am exhausted daily by hearing and seeing the horrors that have plagued us, I want to see a kinder human kind.  A better human nature, a society where people stop to using each other to gain a life of loneliness based on one sided opinions and no insight to a better place for everyone.  

Start opening your eyes and stop letting society dictate how you celebrate a holiday, your family, what defines a family a marriage or even love.  Normal no longer exists, you now have the power within yourself to create a better life, a stronger future, a healthier society.  

If you think the image of Alyand Kurdi the 2 year old boy who drowned trying to escape Syria with his family isn't enough for you to stop and take that shocking breath, the moment where a completely innocent life was taken while running in fear of what his family believed in then you might need to reevaluate your own self.  

There isn't anything you can take with you when you leave, everything stays behind.  Life is the shortest thing you'll get and tossing it away due to the three emotions .. 

is it really worth it?  

Do you think that if the world is about to crumble, would you extend your hand and not the arms you carry?

Footprints on the moon

Many times we see ourselves as tied down, chained to something that makes us unhappy.  What if, we changed that thought process as something like this.. 

"I am held down to keep me grounded, to help me see what is real, what is human and what is necessary."

Don't get me wrong, I would love to see you reach for the sky.  Make your dreams come true, see the clouds not as a storm but as a way to jump further into your passions.  

Try not to see limitations as something that is a barrier but a curve in the road.  Perhaps that bump is simply a moment to teach you how to over come.  You'll get to where you need to be in life.  You'll be passed the tools to make it and all you have to do is see them as tools, not barriers, see them as lessons not distractions.  Use each moment in your life to build your path and before you know it, you'll be beyond the sky, into the stars, walking on the moon.

On a last note.. thanks to some of my amazing friends for giving me time to breathe, a moment to believe in and their faith.  

Moments that shape you & the ones that define you.

I cannot pin point any specific moment in my life that has defined me but I can recall how I reacted to each moment that was difficult and how it shaped me. 

We will all face adversity, it's a fact.  Most of us, react with emotion, which is completely and authentically human.  The key is to acknowledge how we feel and accept that it's okay. Not only do we validate the feelings we are having but it becomes a vital step in moving forward. 

When I was a teenager, I faced my abusers by no only pressing charges but following it all the way through to court where I was asked by the judge what end result I felt was right.  Thankfully, after well over a year of counselling,  I was strong enough to say; "I want them to go to therapy".  

the judge asked me "Why?"

My reply?

"Abuse is a cycle.  It started somewhere but it must stop here."  

That very moment shaped me.  I was no longer a victim, I was a survivor.  

Don't let the moments define you, let them shape you.  Don't let others actions become who you are.