Before you..

I figured it out..

Those who lash out, need to find acceptance.  

Those who are bitter, need to find gratitude.

At least, I think I've figured part of life out.  It's psychology.  The opposite in some cases are true.  When a person acts out in a behaviour you don't find acceptable, they are in need of something and are not sure how to ask for it.  

What we tend to do in protective mode is lash back or out at the one that is lacking the ability to communicate.  

Next time this happens, take a few things back..

Your step, your breath and your thoughts.  

Don't make a move until you've evaluated the situation.  Do this not only for the other person, do it for your sanity.  Do it for the simple fact that you don't want to own the hurt you put on another.  

It's what you give..

When you've been facing something terrifying, take a moment to recognize that you, are facing something terrifying.  Something you didn't want to or believe you could face.    

I want you to know that no matter what someone gives you, it's something you can take.  You are capable of changing the outcome and making a difference in not only you life, a life of another. 

When I started to volunteer at Hope Mission, downtown Edmonton, Alberta, I went to lose myself.  Among those who didn't know me.  I went to do what I knew best, be in the service of another.  

Not that I'm tooting my horn, that I've always gave, heck as a young woman I wanted more than I was given.  As many young adults do.  

That being said, I learnt that expecting something without giving, was the first lesson.  I had to figure this out on my own, without my grandmothers or mothers guidance.  Gram would tell me, "There is no better way to feel youthful than being in the service of another", mum taught me that what I learn from giving is something that can not be taught in any institution.  
So I ran away to lose myself at Hope Mission, helping others that needed more than me.  Even if I had to go to the food bank to feed my son and I, budget even the gas I used to and from work, I needed to do something to help me see what I had.  

I may have been faced with a life change, bigger than I thought I was capable of but I did it.  In the process, I showed my kids an abundance of things.. At least I hope I did.

Have faith.  In yourself and in others.

Believe.  It will be okay and will work out. 

Trust.  The path you've chosen is the right one for YOU.

Give.  It doesn't matter how little you have to give, do it anyhow.  Even the smallest acts of kindness, in service make a difference.

Don't give up.  Move forward.  Because moving backwards never heals.  Lose yourself when you are in search of yourself and you'll discover more than you ever thought possible.  

A funny end note.  I met someone just over a year ago.  One of our first dates was to Hope Mission.  I wanted to see what type of heart they had.  The response proved to me what I wanted in a partner.  I am full of gratitude daily for making the choice to be around people who are like minded.  

Enjoy the link to one of the songs on my inspiration list. 

Incredible by Celine Dion and No-Yo

*Please feel free to comment on the blog, I'd love to hear feedback!

Your 3 loves

In a multifaceted society, we want others to have the same perspective as we do, yet each of us holds our own differently by our experience.  

For example..

A woman who has chosen to live a life in a direction that she sees fit, may not be one that society believes, is.  

A child who choses a path they are happiest with, may not be one that a parent would have chosen for them when their birth arrived.  

My point is, we cannot gage success or normalcy based on what others perspective is.  

Here's my input.. right or wrong.

I've come to see that how I choose to live my life, if I am happy then it's right for me.  At this moment in time.  I'll be blessed if I have the support of those around me that I respect and love, however if not, I have learnt to be okay with that too.  In the end, my decisions are that.  

My values on love, from what I've learnt are these.  (take from it what you may, it was a life I've lived and from this, my values have come.)

1. Love truthfully.  

When I say this, I want you to understand that you need to love yourself truthfully.  Every morning, walk up and look in the mirror.  Acknowledge who you are physically, spiritually and emotionally.  Be okay with that moment.  Be ready for change and accept the challenge that goes alone with those changes, then, with acceptance, work hard.  Love every moment truthfully.  

1. Love unconditionally. 

When you love someone, what is the purpose?  I ask this as many believe when they love someone, it's for themselves.  The other person fills a need, and it's usually for your needs.  However, have you loved someone as they are, without expectations or limitations?  Without feeling that you will benefit from them being in your life?  Giving without wanting anything in return from them.  Take a moment and see what you are giving and not what you are wanting.  Someone shouldn't complete you, rather, you are okay enough to love them without a need to fulfill.  In turn, this love you receive will be the greatest.

3. Love honestly.

Saying that, I want you to know that loving honestly doesn't mean hurting someone when you speak truths but loving honestly enough with yourself that you know your limits.  You can love someone who can be abusive but your limit on loving them shouldn't be at the risk of a life.  You should try and always be honest, revisit those terms and stand your ground, no matter how shaky it may seem.  

Success, should not be measured by a stick, a book or a box that was designed by one person for one person.  This is like trying to put a circle in a square.  They don't work and perhaps never will.  Be you.  Be your strong, confident person you were given life for.  

Through the value of life, you must value yourself.  Give to yourself the worth you are, and then, live it truthfully, unconditionally and honestly.  These things will come back to you when you start to open up to the possibility that you are perfectly you.  

A little faith

When I've had hard moments, I look at how easy it is to walk away.  How to just forget about what's eating at my heart, what troubles my mind and I figure, it must be easier to walk away.

Then I look back at what blessings I've had in my life.

The roof over my head and the food in my cupboards (although at times is thin), the clothing on my back, (even if they are worn), my 2 children and the abundance of love around me.  

I thank every single day and have stopped asking.  What was I asking for?  More things and answers.  I use to ask why, when and what.  Now there is a difference.

The difference is simply that I say "thank you" 

For life.  For love.  For every single experience, good and bad.  

I figure, the past that makes me want to give up and give in, is just that.  The past.  The future, no matter how much is feared, will be better because I have a little faith.  

Wake up!

7 drafts and weeks later, I walk back to my computer with a simple thought.

I can't write about anything other than the positive and encouraging you to believe in yourself.

You are better than that.  

You read it.  

I just said, you are better than whatever you feel is bringing you down. 

You are smarter, in better shape, a kinder person and worth more than you know.

Stop letting your fear and doubts bring you to a place lower than you felt possible.  Start seeing what I see.  

What is it that I see?

I see a mentally strong, kind, loving, intelligent young person who wants to be more than what their parents said they could.  In fact, I see someone who wants to do better than their parents and you know what?  

YOU SHOULD!  

I certainly want my boys to do more and better than myself or their father.  It's not just about academics or ownership but in life generally.  

Be wiser, be healthier, be kinder and believe, your worth is more than you will ever know.

Take your first step today to a positive life.  Live it and love it. 

Love always,

Nicole

Anything but fear

Fear is the biggest drive to failure.  Fear of hurt, of rejection or fear of the unknown.  

What if?  These are the two most powerful words together.  

Take a chance in life.  Go skydiving, climb a mountian or sing that song as loud as you can.  

Only you can allow the thoughts that say "you are not good enough" and then... just then you wonder, are you really or is it the thing you are chasing where the fear dictates?

Don't let that small voice of doubt dictate the life you truly want to live.  Only be beholden to one person in your life.  Yourself.  Don't let anything take away your dreams.  They are the one thing you have, that while you sleep you can escape to and truly be who you were meant to be.  

Life.  It's the biggest gift.  Don't give it away to fear and don't wonder.. what if?

Not letting go

I've tossed the idea to a friend of no longer writing.  Thinking I've lost my "jam" and didn't want to write without love and desire.  This is what has driving me to date and for most days, I fear I lose it.

That being said, how can one "lose their jam"?

It's when you become disconnected and let go.

Perhaps it's a good thing to "disconnect" from time to time.  I guess I have needed to have some alone time, to breathe and reasssure myself that it's going to be okay.

I don't honestly care about how my past has effected me but how it has changed me to be a better person.  Let's be honest, our past can mess with the operating system inside our shells.   How does one process the actions of another to move forward to become a better person?

I've actually written 5 times this week, struggling with the words.

Frankly, it's okay.  I love how things are unfolding.  I've learnt to let go.  No expectations, no needs and no desires.  I saw some women shopping and buying things "just because they were on sale". One woman said.. "good lord, buy it as it's only a buck!"  Really?  I thought, "You needed that thing?"  Even if it was .50 cents, does it make a difference in your life?  I suppose I've learnt to let things go and appreciate the smallest of gestures.

I had a text from a friend I volunteer with today.  She shared her joy and love with me.  I received a call from one of my oldest friends.  I've been told that someone loves me, given the time from another and had the freedom to be alone while feeling this.  I can't be grateful enough for this life, even if I start to feel worry.

So, I breathe.

Did I lose my jam?  Nah, I've just taken a break from thinking.  I've stopped to smell the flowers and love life.  Thank you to everyone who has loved me and guided me.  Thank you to the woman at Walmart who bought my groceries over a year ago when I had nothing.  Thank you to my friends who provided my son and I with a roof, thank you to my family who provided me with unconditional love when I doubted myself.  Without the hard times, I wouldn't have known what I was made of.

Love

Redeveloping your core

It's been an interesting past few months to say the least.  A lot has transpired and although I have the need to write in reflection, I've found myself at a loss on how to articulate so many emotions. 

I suppose starting with one, as I always encourage baby steps.  Figuring out which emotion is hardest.  

I admit, mostly they can dictate direction, I do my best to discuss with some of those closest to me.  I speak, then listen without a predetermined outcome in mind.  

Let's sum today's blog up to external circumstances.  How does one react and how will it change the desired results?

Wait

Listen

Watch

I can honestly say that I use to jump to reaction, wanting to make things better or right.  Like many, I am a pleaser.  One friend once directed me to read the book, "The Five Love Languages". This helped me to discover that my "love language" is "Acts of service"  which came as no surprise.  My former life, I would do my best to conform to the needs of others while putting myself last.  In that process, I forgot who I was, how to become more and like a frog in water, didn't see the water boiling.  The results don't have to be illustrated for you.  I choose to make a change.  

While redeveloping my empathy thought process, personal standards and some core strength, I discovered a different me.  Albeit, my legs shook a wee bit while making the stands I made, I still did.  Even if, to this day it hurts to look back at the losses incurred I reassure myself they were the best ones irrespective.  

While I drone on with babble here, I suppose you are asking, what is the point?

I've slowed down.  Not because of someone pulling on my proverbial reins but I taught myself the value of my own beliefs.  This gave me the ability to wait out the process and let things happen naturally.  It appears they usually do.  

How to listen is key.  I use to listen with the intent to respond.  I am not yet the best at this but I challenge myself daily.  I am working hard to be present when someone is speaking.  If they are giving me the opportunity to be part of their lives then I want to show them their value.  

Watching is one of the best parts of life.  We all people watch from time to time.  I've learnt to put the devices down and absorb what is going on.  However, it's not just physically watching but tying into the three mentioned, it holds a key to discovering more about another, while developing a stronger awareness and better values of ourselves.  It's not about being judgmental but learning to hold myself accountable.  When I watch myself, I become more of who I want to be.  

Going back to the beginning, it's been a tough few months.  I won't be remiss in saying that life is perfect and the relationships I currently have are easy.  It's quite opposite.  However, I am learning and I hope those around me develop a strong feeling of trust and love when we are together.  I hope that the choices I have made over the last few months and year will come full circle and those who were part of them, understand where I came from and where I choose to be.  

The line between

It starts with a breath, then a cry.

For the next several years, you learn to fly.

Other learnt things may be to listen and speak,

You'll never know how far you can go until you reach the first peak.

The people you meet, the lessons learned,

Cannot compare, to the life you have earned.

Your choices are made, with emotions no doubt,

How you react will help create the path out.

I'll ask you to stop and enjoy warmth from the sun,

Explain each smell, every taste until you've begun.

To understand how things work, how to love,

How to feel with your heart and to place others above.

Each breath you take, each emotion you feel,

I want you to know, for the first time it's become real.

Life is here, enjoy every moment, grasp the chances,

Before you know it life will show it's advances.

You'll be the people, others will meet,

Giving lessons, helping others to find what they seek.

Sharing your choices, with high emotion,

Wiser than you expected and as vast as the ocean.

So before your last breath, take a moment to feel,

Ask yourself, have you done all you can, you know this is real.

Did you listen to the whisper, telling you to climb the peek,

Or did you hide behind your shadow, feeling small and meek.

Were you happy, did you love, were you willing to tell all,

You'll know this life, and how it's been very real when you start to fall.

Life is ending, but you've not forgotten the dash between the years,

It was short but you can let go, you've conquered your fears.
Author: Nicole Middleton

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