We reflect on hard times with a broken heart, not taking from each experience a lesson to be learned.
I don't watch tv often, finding that I loose myself from reality and reality is exactly what I'd rather be living in. Even if it hurts from time to time. The hurt, however is what sustains me. It teaches a lesson every single time I reach out.
Admitting to you that not every time I reach out I get stung. I laugh .. a lot. I mean, if I experience something truly amazing, a smile will creep across my face and I'll make it something. Sure, getting good experiences have lessons as well but I truly cherish the ones that hurt.
Sounds a bit funny, right?
Each person, each experience in life is here for a reason. Let me give you clear examples of this.
1.) I picked up running a few months back. While at the gym, I choose unwisely to read something that upset me. While in the cool down mode, strapping my phone back to my arm, running to burn off the energy that started to eat at me. The result wasn't good. I ended up actually breaking my foot (a small fracture) but none the less, the result from the reaction wasn't good. The lesson though was priceless.
a. Don't read emails or texts while working out
b. Give things time before you react
c. Have more faith in yourself
2.) Struggling with laughter after a comment was made, we broke down in tears. Honestly, laughing so hard, my abdomen was hurting, air was completely out of my lungs and I couldn't say a word. While driving with some co-workers the other day, we became lost in a parkade and found the humour of the situation. What lesson was learnt from this?
a. Laugh at yourself
b. Live in the moment
c. Love each person completely for who they are
What does this have to do with a "V" word? Everything. We can choose to be a victim or a victor. How you look at things, how you react will help determine which "V" word you will become. Learn the lessons in the moments, good or bad. Each has something to give you.
What an amazing week it's been here! My youngest was home and we had many laughs, fantastic conversations and all the while, time well spent. He's playing lacrosse at the moment and loves it. More than he's willing to admit to others. Although it's quite the physical sport and his body shows many signs of the brutality involved, he plays every single game with full heart. I am not kidding, you can actually see the smile on his face, while he's running down centre field. Stick in hand, ball in cradle, mowing anyone who gets in his way. Sometimes, he will make it to the net, not missing the opportunity to get a goal. Does he score every time? No. Does he give up? No. Does his team win every game? No. Does he want to quit? Not on your life.
These analogies can be applied to our every day life. We wake, dreading the day of going to do something we really don't like (guessing that may be the case) but we do because we have to. Why do we have to? Did you let society dictate the home you live in, the car you drive or the clothing you wear? Well, if so that's your choice and you'll have to figure it out.
I'll just keep my eyes open and watch what's going on around me. These experiences are making me happier every single day. Without owning much, I love more.
So you know, my life isn't much different than yours. My life isn't better, worse, easier or harder. It's the same. It's just how I see it.
Like many days, strength is pulled from hearing about the children in my life. Doing my best to live one they can be proud of, one that can be reflected back on, knowing that I've done my best. Not being perfect, I can struggle with choices, afraid of falling, of losing.
What helps me do what I think is right? Perhaps it's blind faith in trusting my gut. Questioning where my decisions are going with some friends around me I trust. However, in the end, my decisions are my own with parenting, with leading a life I want to live. Doing the right thing, that I believe in and reflection on what decisions I've made in the past and where I want the future to be.
Today, was the perfect example of the right choices I made.
I have looked in the mirror before, during and after every one. I no longer live with regret, even if the choices I've made crushed me at the time, they were right. I'm sitting here, head tilted to the right and my heart swelling with pride for both of my boys.
My oldest is off on a trip with his best friend and love, Breanne. A young lady that I love like a daughter. He's done what I dreamt of for him. Living on their own, working, breathing and experiencing life. What parent wouldn't want this? He moved out 3 + years ago and I was proud he left on his terms, without anything but good feelings. Again, I am so very proud.
My youngest son is learning to build his life. I keep telling him how I will continue to be there to help him build his tool belt for life. Never abandoning him, willing to catch him if he needs but helping him push himself. He may only be in his mid teens but he will be more than he knows. I can see the young man he's becoming and I couldn't be more proud.
Both boys give me strength I thought I never had. Their unconditional love and support comes through daily. Messages, albeit on the phone will suffice. A hug, a home made mothers day gift. Today's words from my youngest made my heart burst with love.
"Mum, you are the strongest person I know, I love you."
I returned to my baking, with tears flowing down my face. I am the happiest I've been in my life. Do the same for yourself. Make those choices you can live with, be proud of and become the reflection of who you are.
I dislike a small amount of things, one being that when I'm somewhere I can't write about the experiences that are going on around me. You'll laugh when I tell you, I was in the shower, enjoying some music, with a big grin, thinking about gratitude.
I find myself more often that not, surrounded by family and friends who, are the most amazing, kind hearted, loving and accepting people I know.
Gratitude hits me more often than fear now, more often than anger and I couldn't be happier!
I live in a home that isn't mine. I owe money that I am slowly paying back to the bank for my car, my account is more often without the funds I wish I had
but..
I have my health.
My body isn't what it once was
but..
I love it regardless.
I had the opportunity in the past to travel around the world to places like Thailand, China, Scotland, London, Paris, Mexico, the United States and parts of Canada. I've met celebrities and at times felt completely alone.
I've also experienced seeing poverty, homelessness, loss and pain through volunteering and have met the most caring and kind people in these places and felt more love than one soul can contain and have felt more surrounded by love and part of something more.
What I'm trying to say here is that happiness can be found in your back yard, with the ones who love you and the ones who have nothing to give but their time.
Don't go searching for a better car, a larger home, a bigger bank account. Embrace the joys around you. Just simply start choosing to be happy and live a life of gratitude.
I'm not sure what drove me to do something I've not done in my life, perhaps it's been the life lessons that I needed to sum up that I've gained over the past few years.
Let me elaborate a wee bit with just 3.
1. Don't wait.
If you expect someone else to do something for you or for the perfect moment to come, you might find it may never happen. If you want the moon, shoot for it, if you miss, you'll be lucky to land among the stars.
24 hours ago, driving on the highway that terrified me in the past, through the mountains, surrounded by wildlife, I decided not to wait. I didn't expect anyone to drive, pay or take care of me.
Staying in an all girls dorm room at a hostel then grabbing a bite to eat (with a beer)and walking the main street alone, never felt more liberating. To be completely honest, I've stayed in Banff before, more so, lucky enough to stay at the Banff Springs Hotel, which in many peoples eyes, is a castle.
This weekend, discovering that not needing or wanting anything was something that made me feel (for lack of better words) more at ease with myself than ever before. I welcomed people that I wanted into my small world. There isn't anything more liberating than having the freedom to choose! As I had said, I stayed in what was considered the grandest hotel in Banff in the past and had felt more alone then than going this past weekend alone.
I didn't wait. One of the best things to come from this isn't about me though. It's about showing my boys how I can be independent. How they can to and not to be held down by others opinions. I want them to believe they can do it too.
2. Listen to yourself
I can't tell you enough to listen to your gut. You'll have moments of doubt but clarifying why, is the key. You know very well that life's experiences, exposures and moments are like whispers. Everyone has a limit as to how far they will go or what they believe in. No matter how badly you want something, if it's not right, it just isn't. You can't change the outcome no matter how hard you try.
I can say this is true from this weekends experience. Not believing a break was needed, I was forcing my head down at work, with my kids, my doubts and fears. I was losing control again and I didn't listen to what my heart and head needed. Which, clearly was fresh air, alone time and to try something that I've not ever done in my life.
Booking a room at a hostel in Banff for $37.00 Canadian a night was a good start. This ensured I;
a. could bail without regret
b. afford a few other treats
c. expand my mind (also known as meditation)
Researching places to go to, or experiences I wanted was the next step. I didn't put money into a plan, I just went with it. Do you know what happened? My expectations were exceeded and my gut felt good. I had the choice to go where I wanted and when. I settled in the hostel, met an amazing young lady by the name of Cazandra, from Sweden where we chatted for well over an hour. She was clearly a well defined person who wanted to experience life, in the moment. I have no doubt her parents are very proud of her and the human she will become. Without an apology, I excused myself from the room and headed out.
After several loops on the main road, I picked a place to eat dinner. Walked in with a BIG grin (self confidence) and asked for a place to enjoy a beer, alone. No questions actually, it was a simple gesture and gave me the feeling of "sass".
While sitting at the bar, I not only enjoyed a beer and food but people watching. I listened to conversations going on around me (I know, I'm horrible), laughing, chatting with the bartender and just taking it all in. Again, my gut felt good. (I wasn't basing that on the fabulous food or beer either.)
I never once felt regret or remorse. Again, I listened to my gut instinct and it worked perfectly. Although, to be completely honest, while hiking from the top of the falls to the Inkpots site (up a mountain)
I was freaking out as I was completely alone. So much, that I didn't even see a squirrel. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to turn back. "what if" was running through my mind. "what if I die?" I couldn't accept that.
Which brings me to the last one for today.
3. Going the distance
Life wants to test you. In every aspect and what you choose to do is up to YOU! We cannot blame others for our short comings. They are in our hands, our minds and our hearts. What we do with situations that happens, is completely up to us. Our reactions, to be exact.
A hard exam? A tough day at the job? Friends letting us down? I could go on but we all know they happen and there are many other examples.
Whatever is going on with your life, no matter how difficult it may seem, it will be harder to accept that you didn't put 100% into making "that" moment successful. It doesn't really matter than someone didn't believe in you. What matters is that YOU believe in you. That you cross that finish line and YOU know YOU did it. Perhaps with a little help from true friends and great family. Those people in your life are worth more than gold and diamonds. They are the ones cheering you on from behind the scenes, they are the ones that want to see YOU succeed.
Do what I did this weekend. Push yourself further. I hiked from the top of Johnston Canyon to Inkpots,
completely alone, in bear country up the side of a mountain, singing terribly with spray in my right hand, an airhorn in the other. Every part of me, other than my gut told me to turn around. Even my aching muscles were yelling.. "What the hell are you doing?" but I did it.
In the fullness of time, you will become one too.
Today's doubts, hinder your growth. Your fears feed the doubts. They compound and you toss aside the goals, the objectives and ultimately your happiness.
Let me be your whisper.
Let me tell you it's going to be okay. The window can remain open while you repair the damage caused by the storm. You want it open for the air. To breathe, to acknowledge there is more out side your life than you are even slightly inclined to open your eyes to.
Let those fears and doubts go, by creating a healthier space in your head where not a soul can touch. A place where no tears fall, no anger resides, no one walks in the dark alone.
You'll have to face those fears and doubts daily but slaughter them with the mightiest of swords, "strength".
Inside you, it lives also. Strength is hidden behind a rock, whispering to you, "you can" quietly. It comes in moments when you least expect it.
The first time, your doubt will tell you to ignore it. A few times later, your gut will remind you that this isn't something that you can't put away. Strength will return, each time with a vengeance, pushing you to the window, to breath, to look, to grasp at what you didn't see before.
Strength will soon be accompanied by courage. Together, they will put out the flame set by doubt and fear. Together, their whisper will become a roar.
Let me be the whisper.
Strength and courage will calm the storm. They will let you follow your gut, they will be the greatness in your steps towards the window. Together, the whispers will encourage you to open the curtains and look outside with eyes wide open.
Each of us needs to conquer our fears and doubts. It's a start line each of us have to discover at our own time. Regardless of what the fears and doubts are about, we all have a battle inside, one that we all own and one that we all need to defeat ourselves.
Never devalue the person making an effort to make a positive change in their lives. No matter the length of time it takes them, they are on their own journey. Just help them by being a whisper for them too.
Admitting to you that not every time I reach out I get stung. I laugh .. a lot. I mean, if I experience something truly amazing, a smile will creep across my face and I'll make it something. Sure, getting good experiences have lessons as well but I truly cherish the ones that hurt. 
