Perfect parenting? Not a chance. You can read all the books that are available between here and there and not one will have the answer you may be seeking. Kids are as diverse as you and I. In fact, we were all once a child. One day, ages ago we ran around without a care in the world, oblivious to what is happening around us or on the other side of this big, beautiful world.
Before you take the road you plan on with your children, reflect on what your life was like. What made your heart happy, what drove you to become better? Now look at what your parent(s) did for you. How did that turn out?
I'll pose an example. My parents believed that respect was related to fear. If you feared your parents, you respected them. I don't carry that forward with my children, at least not any more. I've learnt that when I yelled, the results were not what I wanted to see. I changed. I stopped saying "No" when they asked for something and started asking "why".
"Why do you want that chocolate bar?"
"Why do you want that game?"
Parenting changed quickly for myself as the results were completely different. No longer did I have an upset child but an inquisitive one. The ball started to roll and quickly. I changed completely as a parent, noticing how different both my boys were. Now, my goal was to learn to work with who they were. Each has amazing talents, spirits match each of them to who they are and that was my lesson learnt.
I guess, what I'm saying is, open your eyes as a child. They aren't you, they are who they are. You can influence who they may become by your choices but they will still go on their journey. This will be the biggest investment you will make in life. The one commodity that no one can put a price on is time. Invest it well with those wee ones around you.
Love always,
Nicky
I saw change the other day and to be part of it gave me a sense of awe. Here I am, keeping busy, trying to encourage others around me to do the same when all along, I was creating change without knowing it. Right in my home.
We all know, children learn what they live. I for one, am a strong believer of this and saw it put to action.
I love my boys dearly, my life comes after theirs. There isn't a thing I would do before them, including telling them I love them with the last breath I will take.
Here's what happened.
Constantly, I see how women are disrespected and do my best to verbally fight that. My opinion has changed over the years. I use to believe that when a boy was mean to a girl, it was that he liked her. This, being one example. I saw a write up on a young girl this week about being hit in the face. The nurse came in to do stitches and told her after finding out it was a young boy who did it, that "he must really like you." I sat in my chair, hand over mouth, my thoughts running faster than words could spill out. My younger son walked over and asked me what I was reading. Of course, I encouraged him to take a moment to read.
His reply?
"Mum, that is a joke! Why would anyone think that physical violence proves to anyone that abuse is love?"
He got it and I didn't do anything but expose him to something bigger. Our conversation went on for about an hour. I told him that some people feel different ways of showing love, some are good and some, not so good.
I explained the differences in all types of abuse. Physical (which we see), emotional (which we feel), verbal (which we hear) and financial. We took the moment to discuss back and forth about how each one can be devastating to someone, how all types of abuse are wrong and what we can do to encourage a healthy relationship.
Love isn't about taking but giving, encouraging and helping the other grow.
After our conversation, I took a moment to reflect. I had a moment to help make the change I want to see. I loved every minute of it.
Today I learnt a valuable lesson. Start your dreams with pebbles.
Funny sounding I bet but it's true.
When I was younger, I wanted to do many things but mostly to help change and shape the world. It rattled me when I discovered how social economics work. How, when one thing happens across the world, how it affects each of us. I was devastated to see how one person could manipulate so many into doing such horrible things. How could we switch it? Make it from something bad to something good.
I started to volunteer at an early age. I wanted to make others smile and happy.
I've admitted in the past, it's become an addiction. Volunteering that is. I love how it makes others smile. How energized I get. What I learn.
The key? What I learn. Since I started to volunteer, I've learnt more than any educational institution could teach me and all for free. I want to be that positive ripple effect that spans across oceans, one that reaches higher than the clouds and touches a heart further than I've dreamt.
Now, I'm stepping out on my own with some friends and doing something I've never done before. Nothing of this magnitude and I am more excited than I could imagine. This is where I should be, right here, right now. All from that first pebble cast on my first volunteer job. I started my dream in my early teens without knowing.
Now it's your turn.
Love your life.
Nicky
I think some days, how things can work with our lives. Those who cross paths with us, those who leave and the ones who stay. Take a moment to look back at the last few years. What happened when then entered? Was it to put a smile on your face for a moment, to give you a boost of confidence when you felt down? Each person that crosses your life will have purpose but it may not be until after that you see it.
The key in life for this is to not take anything for granted. Love each moment you've been given, with those around you. Even if it's not that great, even if the moment creates an emotion other than warmth and happiness, take it and grow from it. You'll find the feeling of greatness when you do. You will stop getting angry at the little things, you will stop taking in bad moments and start letting them go.
Today, I was in a grocery store where they needed to see my drivers licence. I did have the fortune to smile in the photo (although you aren't allowed to) but thought it made me look like I just woke from a nap with a good dream.. you know that smile.
Well, I asked her to not look at the photo and she reacted in shock after seeing it. I started to panic thinking "oh no, this can't be good". She proceeded to ask where I had the photo taken, that she's never seen one with a smile. I laughed at her and she then took it around to show others! I am quite sure my face was as red as a ripe tomato but I laughed. I laughed so hard, the family behind me in line started to laugh. Just before then, I was doubting something and went into the store with a bit of a heavy heart. I left the store a different person. That woman behind the counter was here today to change my perception, my mood and put a smile on my face.
Don't discount every moment in your life. Take it in. Live it. We only get to do this once. Be the crazy that laughs with me, even at me. I'll be okay with it.
I'm waiting for my son to finish football practice. The sun is setting and I'm surrounded by beauty. Not many clouds, the wind a bit brisk and the air, I take into my lungs with gratitude.
I am sure everyone is thinking that this crazy lady can't see what they see but it's not what it seems. I see it. My head tilted down on my phone while I walk.
I have a working body, a working mind. I am free to be. I take each moment and embrace it. Sure I will fall, sure I will forget, as sure as I am human I will love this life and live it. Every moment. Don't forget to either.
I walk with my eyes open. I didn't before. I walked a path that others did. I followed others that I thought were right.
If I see something that I feel is right, my gut seconds it, I will go that way. No matter the thorns that scratch my legs, the bushes I need to push aside, I will not go the way of the beaten path. I may be in my forties now but I will use my head, follow my heart and trust my gut.
I was starting to write this yesterday with a different direction. I stopped and saved it as it wasn't where I usually go. I do that often. After today though, the words still stand strong but the direction is different. A better different.
Today, I was given the opportunity to participate in a fund raising event. This time, I didn't volunteer but ran for a cause, in support of a friend. My son and a friend joined me and what he saw was profound.
He saw ALL nationalities, ALL religions, ALL types gathering to support someone they love who is facing or have faced the same battle. What he saw was diversity at it's finest. Without bias or racism. Everything he's heard about any stereotype was washed down the toilet and he felt part of a bigger plan.
I can attest that being involved with others lives gives perspective. It teaches compassion and understanding more than any classroom and for free.
Before you or anyone else you starts to rant about another race, religion or personal belief system, walk in their shoes. Take a moment to ask questions, be involved and mostly, open your mind! You've got one. You do NOT need to walk the path of someone else, you can choose to walk your own and trust me, the rewards are endless, priceless and without a doubt, they will leave a bigger imprint on your heart and in your mind.
