A little faith

When I've had hard moments, I look at how easy it is to walk away.  How to just forget about what's eating at my heart, what troubles my mind and I figure, it must be easier to walk away.

Then I look back at what blessings I've had in my life.

The roof over my head and the food in my cupboards (although at times is thin), the clothing on my back, (even if they are worn), my 2 children and the abundance of love around me.  

I thank every single day and have stopped asking.  What was I asking for?  More things and answers.  I use to ask why, when and what.  Now there is a difference.

The difference is simply that I say "thank you" 

For life.  For love.  For every single experience, good and bad.  

I figure, the past that makes me want to give up and give in, is just that.  The past.  The future, no matter how much is feared, will be better because I have a little faith.  

Wake up!

7 drafts and weeks later, I walk back to my computer with a simple thought.

I can't write about anything other than the positive and encouraging you to believe in yourself.

You are better than that.  

You read it.  

I just said, you are better than whatever you feel is bringing you down. 

You are smarter, in better shape, a kinder person and worth more than you know.

Stop letting your fear and doubts bring you to a place lower than you felt possible.  Start seeing what I see.  

What is it that I see?

I see a mentally strong, kind, loving, intelligent young person who wants to be more than what their parents said they could.  In fact, I see someone who wants to do better than their parents and you know what?  

YOU SHOULD!  

I certainly want my boys to do more and better than myself or their father.  It's not just about academics or ownership but in life generally.  

Be wiser, be healthier, be kinder and believe, your worth is more than you will ever know.

Take your first step today to a positive life.  Live it and love it. 

Love always,

Nicole

Anything but fear

Fear is the biggest drive to failure.  Fear of hurt, of rejection or fear of the unknown.  

What if?  These are the two most powerful words together.  

Take a chance in life.  Go skydiving, climb a mountian or sing that song as loud as you can.  

Only you can allow the thoughts that say "you are not good enough" and then... just then you wonder, are you really or is it the thing you are chasing where the fear dictates?

Don't let that small voice of doubt dictate the life you truly want to live.  Only be beholden to one person in your life.  Yourself.  Don't let anything take away your dreams.  They are the one thing you have, that while you sleep you can escape to and truly be who you were meant to be.  

Life.  It's the biggest gift.  Don't give it away to fear and don't wonder.. what if?

Not letting go

I've tossed the idea to a friend of no longer writing.  Thinking I've lost my "jam" and didn't want to write without love and desire.  This is what has driving me to date and for most days, I fear I lose it.

That being said, how can one "lose their jam"?

It's when you become disconnected and let go.

Perhaps it's a good thing to "disconnect" from time to time.  I guess I have needed to have some alone time, to breathe and reasssure myself that it's going to be okay.

I don't honestly care about how my past has effected me but how it has changed me to be a better person.  Let's be honest, our past can mess with the operating system inside our shells.   How does one process the actions of another to move forward to become a better person?

I've actually written 5 times this week, struggling with the words.

Frankly, it's okay.  I love how things are unfolding.  I've learnt to let go.  No expectations, no needs and no desires.  I saw some women shopping and buying things "just because they were on sale". One woman said.. "good lord, buy it as it's only a buck!"  Really?  I thought, "You needed that thing?"  Even if it was .50 cents, does it make a difference in your life?  I suppose I've learnt to let things go and appreciate the smallest of gestures.

I had a text from a friend I volunteer with today.  She shared her joy and love with me.  I received a call from one of my oldest friends.  I've been told that someone loves me, given the time from another and had the freedom to be alone while feeling this.  I can't be grateful enough for this life, even if I start to feel worry.

So, I breathe.

Did I lose my jam?  Nah, I've just taken a break from thinking.  I've stopped to smell the flowers and love life.  Thank you to everyone who has loved me and guided me.  Thank you to the woman at Walmart who bought my groceries over a year ago when I had nothing.  Thank you to my friends who provided my son and I with a roof, thank you to my family who provided me with unconditional love when I doubted myself.  Without the hard times, I wouldn't have known what I was made of.

Love