Yep, I just asked that... I didn't raise a child to find out he doesn't have what it takes to be a man.
What does that mean?
The opinion of some people I use to talk to;
"A boy should fear an adult, it's how they learn respect." "A boy shouldn't cry or show his emotions." "A boy should be treated like a king by many women at one time." A story told to one of my boys .. from someone who thought it was a joke, about a young bull and an old bull. The young bull wanted to run down a hill and mate with one of the cows... the old bull responded with "no, let's walk down and mate with them all." *(in case you are wondering, the word "mate" is used in replace of what the other person felt was acceptable to use)
I sat there, my jaw down quickly correcting this, scolding the man who thought it was funny. I shake my head knowing full well what is out there, wondering if those who teach their boys these principles .. do they have a daughter? If the answer is yes, I fear for their daughters safety.
I constantly stand with a picture in my head. I'm in a box, with a bat leaning outside ready for me to use. The box represented how some men see a woman. Kept. The bat represented what I would use to knock those comments out.
What does it take to be a man? Here's my humble and honest opinion.
A man WILL show his emotions and all of them, without hurting anyone around them, being honest and humble.
A man WILL treat a woman as he treats his mother. (Hopefully with respect and love and not out of fear.)
A man WILL not connect fear with respect.
My mother instilled in me some strong beliefs. If I were blind, could I judge someone by their color? If they bled, would it be the same as mine? Yes.
I hope that I've instilled enough in my children to be better than me. To become a good, strong men who love openly, respects and not encourage fear. I hope my 2 sons have compassion and love, understanding and empathy. If my life were to end today, I hope I've left this world a better place by crawling out of the box and using the bat.
Better yet, let's stop using "to be a better man" and start using "to be a better person".
Live in this very moment.
Be as present as possible and with as much gratitude. If you don't, the worries of tomorrow and the regret of yesterday will weigh you down and keep your mind going at 2 am.
Live truthfully.
Stop denying what is happening. Start facing the truths, no matter what they are. Good or bad. If you aren't being authentic with yourself, doubt will creep into your mind with everything that is around you. Guilt will tear you down faster than anyone or thing ever could.
Give with gratitude.
Don't look for what's owed to you. Nothing is and life will only happen when you decide to take control. What is around you & who is in your life. If you don't like it, then change it. Start giving without any expectations and you'll see things change. I'm not talking about physically but what's inside you, it's called perspective.
Take time for yourself.
Read. Walk. listen to your heart. Love yourself as you are. We aren't here for long so enjoy the moments alone and the quiet that surrounds you. It's an amazing thing!
Share your story.
Our lives are connected more than you know. We all are on a journey in life and when we see that others are living in a similar pattern, we feel connected. It helps the rough times feel easier, it helps us understand what we are going through and teaches us empathy.
So live, in this moment. Love this moment. Be grateful for this moment. Be authentic to yourself and above all, love who you are.
Time and time again, I'll find myself in a moment where my thoughts would be best written here. I have to chuckle though, as those thoughts come when I'll be at the least opportune moments that a pen or keyboard are not available. Thus, my posts can be a bit scattered when I finally sit at this desk.
Which brings me to this.
The events that have unfolded this past day, week, month & year have ran through my head, most recently due to my birthday.
I'll sum it to value.
In the past, being much younger than I am now, I would place value in how I saw something, what I held or how others saw me. As you know, when we age, we experience life and learn that value isn't something one can hold but something one feels.
The value in another, the value in ourselves.
It no longer matters what I hold as I know it will fade away. I no longer hold value in what another may think of my choice in actions as it has no power, thus no value. I dare to choose who I am, not with reckless abandon but with pride, knowing they are my own with the value I put to them.
The value of life alone is priceless... the value of the love from another, cannot be bought, borrowed or stolen. It is, and always will be something, given from choice with trust and love. This is what I've found this year. That value holds no monetary status but one of unconditional love, support and understanding.
Many times over the course of my life, I've asked or have been asked this question, that until now, I couldn't answer.
What is my purpose in life?
Was I to be a mum? To be a sister? An aunt? That defines me as a person perhaps by relation. I ask myself daily though, why am I here?
Life has a funny way of showing you things as you live. Let me say that again, LIFE has a funny way of showing you what you need to do when you live.
Living isn't just about the air you inhale, the food your body needs for fuel or the clothing on your back to keep you warm. I'm talking about the experiences that have shaped you or will shape you.
Our journeys we travel will be part of who we are or will become. Good or bad, easy or hard, they are in our lives to teach us, to make us stronger. This is what defines us.
What is our purpose?
To take what has defined us, what has made us stronger to show others how to overcome what we have.
The survivor shows another how to become.
The lost shows another how to find their way home.
Whatever you are facing in life right now, don't feel it's the end. Don't give up. There will be a solution to this, it is your task to search for the answer and then..
Give it purpose. Give yourself purpose.
