Make yourself whole first

Starting over in life, regardless of what it's from can be a difficult task.  We often let self doubt creep in and look for others to help us heal, help us move forward, help us close doors.  What we forget is that these are things we can do (mostly) on our own.  Don't get me wrong, I went to counselling for almost 2 years before I made a change.  The key was, to talk.  Open up and discuss what was going on.  She listened, asked me questions and let me come to my own conclusions, my own decisions and my own changes.  She didn't save me, I did.  

Today while talking with a close friend, I discovered something about myself, that perhaps I knew was there but didn't see it.  

Melissa was struggling with a relationship that's coming to an end.  She's completely in love, head over heals but, it wasn't right.  Not at the moment, not for either of them.  I was saying that it's okay to see it as grief, you truly are losing a part of something you hoped would be more.  Something that you thought would bring the best of you out, which truthfully had started.  

Where we went was much further though.  Love isn't about finding someone to save you.  It's not a knight in shining armour or a life long therapist.  It won't be someone who "completes" you, however they will complement you.  Never settle for anything less.   

Love is someone who accepts you whole heartily as you are.  

So, we talked about starting with ourselves.  Working on making things better as an individual, finding out the real "you" and making that happiness come out.  Once you start, this light grows.  It truly is amazing.  I've seen it in myself and I see it in others.  Like waking up and saying, "I've got this" without needing another to do it for you.  

When sad thoughts come in, (and trust me, they will), replace them with what you've accomplished so far.  That you are an amazing mum, friend, sister, aunt, daughter... that you've been good to yourself.  You are a fantastic person who has done this and will get even better.  

My personal journey to date has given me an abundance of self worth, faith and strength I never knew I had.  Just remind yourself daily how far you've come.  

No person (man or woman) has the authority to treat any of us any less than what we are willing to surrender to.  So get out there, enjoy life and trust me when I tell you, the right person will happen at the right time, when you are ready.  Make yourself whole first.