A hockey mum vent

Being a hockey mum for 9 years now I’ve partly developed some thick skin, a tolerance to ignorance *rolling my eyes* and a strong ability to put my head in the sand knowing full well when to actually use my filter on thoughts that so desperately want to come through my lips onto the ears of those who seem to need it.  

All in all, I’m happy my youngest son is happy.  Really, he’s got this uncanny ability to let the snark comments roll off his shoulder and skate through a tough loss with a smile.  He’s got it partly figured out.  Who gives a rats ass if you had fun.  I’ve told him over and over again, unless it will make a difference 10 years from now, ride it.  Have fun and laugh.

Don’t get me wrong.  His desire to win is more than I can say for some of the kids I’ve seen out on the ice for the past 9 years.  I’ve seen parents put their kids in hockey when it’s crystal clear they don’t want to even step into an arena.  I get it.  Before having a child in hockey, I could have cared less.  Yep, I said it.  

Now though, seeing what it taught me, what hockey actually gave me... I wouldn’t take it back.  I love it. 

It’s not just about hockey though.  It’s about the friends I’ve met along the way.  The lessons I’ve learnt and the strength I’ve gained.  

That’s only me.  I can’t imagine what my son’s gained but let me say a few things that have really make me upset this year. 

He made the Bantam AA team.  I am proud that he did it with all the effort he put in.  I am proud FOR him.  We have a mixed bag of players and parents.  From what I can tell, some of them have coached or managed a team so they know what it’s about.  The coaches?  Ha!  I LOVE them!  These guys have stuck together from a young age playing hockey as a family and team.  I’ve been excited from day 1 to see where we go.  That being said.... it’s been a tough one so far.

Well, our record doesn’t speak volumes of a AA Bantam team.  The boys have won one game.  

Grumblings from parents have been going on.  

“It’s everything to do with the coaches, if I were up there...”.

OR

“The kids aren’t playing as a team, they need to skate harder, if I was on the bench, I would..."

Really?  Here’s my opinion... and I really don’t care what you have to say if you are a parent on this team or any other team that isn’t as successful as you wanted.

Shut up.  Yep, I said it.  Stop trying to coach your child from the car.  Stop telling them what “You would do better”.  Stop interfering with the coaches that are TRYING their best to build a team but find it an uphill battle with your negative, destructive comments.  LET the boys learn on their own how to play as a team.  Stay positive regardless of the outcome or SHUT UP!  Ask your child what they think, how they feel.  

If your child hears what you say, they will reflect it in their lives be it hockey, school or friendships.  They are easily influenced and will more than likely start to personify your behaviour.  Is that really what you want when you exemplify that behaviour?

Ah... it’s just my opinion.  I’ll parent my child, you parent yours.  Just remember, a winning team starts at home.  

Happiness, compassion & success

I was 10 the first time I discovered it.  

I wanted a job desperately.  For independence mostly.  I figured that growing up without items that having a job would cure that problem.  A job equals things.  It also created success... right?  How about happiness?  It seemed to fit the bill.  More money, more items, more happiness more freedom.  

Well, part of this is right... 

which part?  

Let me digress

I said I was 10 when it was the first time I discovered “it”.  

I asked to get a job but was told I was too young.  So, I went over the the local pool and asked if there was a volunteer group I could get involved in.  There sure was and I plunged in with two feet.  Millwoods Rec Centre.  I helped with a few events, ending up with the Halloween party.  

What is “it”?  Happiness.  

I discovered that what I did, I did it without pay and it gave me something I enjoyed doing, completely.  

Before all this, my mother had made a choice to help out the less fortunate by giving the only thing she had.  Hope.  

She had fostered children for 10 years.  It wasn’t the typical foster home though.  She opened it to children in emergency situations.  For 10 years, I saw children come and go in various degrees of life stages.  Some I thought I’d never encounter.  Although I didn’t understand some of it, the lessons I gained were something you cannot be taught in school.  Compassion.

Years later in my life, through my own personal journeys I discovered the last.  These past 24 years, being a mum I drew on the happiness and compassion and raised two wonderful boys.  (not completely on my own) but I hope that some of the choices I made came through them.  

Life isn’t about the items we gain or the numbers on our bank accounts.  It’s about the success from failures, how we come through the tough times and develop as our own people.  No matter the hardships we can face in life, it’s about the successes from the falls we should count.

Casting stones to create change

It's been a bit since I've written. Partly due to the schedule given to me by my youngest returning to hockey from a broken ankle. The other reason was the task I've taken on that is complete as of today. 

2 months ago, my son slipped and fell hard into the boards during a hockey game warm up. Now, he's not one to "cry wolf", never complains or stays down when he does fall. This time, he stayed down, he bellowed in pain while banging his hockey stick in frustration. I jumped up knowing this wasn't good. A hockey's parents fear came to fruition. 

Rushing him to the children's hospital, he kept talking himself down from the pain saying "there's got to be worse pain than this".  I keep asking him to hold on, he starts going into shock, shaking uncontrollably. Eventually, we arrive at the hospital confirming a break and surgery. The next few days are a blur and he is sent home with some new appliances which include 5 screws, a plate, a cast and a set of crutches. 

During the passing 8 weeks of healing, I discover something about my son that perhaps deep down I already knew. He would insist attending almost every game, almost every practise. Taking notes on what the team is working on, notes on other players from opposing teams and watching inspirational videos. 

What?  Inspirational videos?  

He started to come to me with quotes. Then a few videos he would tell me I had to see. My heart felt as though it was going to burst within the walls of my chest.  The biggest part of it was when he told me he wanted to share some of what he was learning with his team mates. A few games later, some time to practise and a deep breath, he gave an encouraging talk. I wasn't in the room that was filled with some 14 & 15 year old boys but I know he did as good as he wanted. 

So, I sit here curled up on a chair, writing to you, that no amount of anger from anyone could damper this feeling of joy that my heart holds. I can't take all the credit for an independent 14 year old young man but a small part of the guidance perhaps. I can say that the one thing I try not to do as a parent is to not clip his wings. 

The second part to my lapse in writing was a random act of kindness challenge. I was seeing all these different types of advent calendars. Now, I do "RAK's" often but don't think of them as out of my normal. I encourage RAK week in February but other than that, they are kept to myself. 

After watching the news though, I figured it was time to try and bring it to the forefront for 24 days. The days that lead up to our biggest holiday. One that should celebrate those closest to us.  The journey taught me many things but mostly, how much some of us aren't aware of the positive within reach. 

Both of the above things I spoke to you about circle around the feeling of gratitude. Being positive in any situation no matter the size. 

So, over your holidays, celebrate your life for today and this moment. You only have it now and you'll never get it back. Create your positive, live your feeling of greatness. 

Tell me, first and foremost what did you nail?

Sometimes, I feel defeated by simple words that are spoken.  Words, perhaps that are not meant to be said in spite, none the less they deflate the air I breathe and take away a bit of ambition that drives my happiness. 

I am not innocent of ill spoken words, nor am I clear of wrong doing myself.  However, the more life passes by, the more I learn to hold my tongue and feel the words that go through my mind before they pass my lips.  

Although gratitude is a way of life, when I lose that breath of air, the one that inflates my passions I tend to reflect on the biggest project that my life has been part of.  My children.  There is nothing in this world, at this moment that can take away the feeling of pride I carry, the knowledge that each choice I made was the right one.  There isn’t a thing in this world that could refute the simple fact that I nailed it.  

My older son, arrived when I was a young lady of 18 years.  I was determined to do it right.  I’ll admit, I fell a few times on mistakes but all in all, success shows it’s face now, 24 years later as he is discovering his life and living it. Then my younger son, whom I’ve always considered my second chance in so many ways.  I am not holding him back with my fears, rather engaging him with challenges that may have held me back earlier in life.

Sure, I’ll go to work and have a few words spoken to me that, may or may not have been intentional.  I am not the president of a company nor am I the Queen of England.  I am and will always be first, a mum.  

Taking for granted, gratitude.

Each day you wake up, with a breath escaping your lips know that is a single act of life.  

Gratitude is hard to be given when we are wrapped up in life’s trials.  The key is to not get closed in on those moments.  If we do, we stop seeing the beauty of what life has given us. 

We may not be able to escape some of the toughest moments but we are able to make them different by doing what we can with what we have.

Take a child who does not have the items you own, a child who does not have the access to a life you live.  

You know what they may be missing but you don’t know what you are missing from their perspective.  

Perhaps they don’t own that iPad, the Xbox or even those Michael Kors boots.  

You may not know it but they own more.

They own their happiness.  They own their freedom.  They own their destiny.  

Don’t take for granted the gratitude of others.  

Before you are given notice

Each step we take on our journey in this life leads to personal “ah-ha” moments, insights and those times when our breaths are taken away.  

I want my children to know that although I once was a narrow minded young girl, I have grown into a compassionate woman who knows what I want to leave behind.

I’ve not yet been given notice in my journey but I know that I want to live it now.  

I will live life happy.  

I will control what I can with a positive outlook and if possible, I will try to be that for others.  

It is not my place to judge another, nor is it my place to expect anything.  

Life is short.  

Smile, hug and just be okay with who you are today.  

The next step

After I started to believe in myself, the words I wrote and the things I felt, something happened.

I was changing into someone with more confidence.

I found that if I pushed my personal boundaries in a positive way, things opened up.  

I don’t mean going places or getting privileges but life seemed better.

Sure, from time to time a little voice creeps inside of me filling my heart with doubt but all I’ve had to do is give it a shake with some positive affirmations.  

I question why that doubt creeped in.  Not who.  I won’t place blame on anyone.  I allowed it so I will own it.

If you stumble on your next step from a little  creature called “doubt”, know you are not alone.  

On your journey you’ll find that some visitors will spark your fire more, others will come for awhile when they need you most and of course, ones that will try to have you make a detour.  

Know that getting lost on your path is part of the bigger picture.