Being determined to raise him, irrespective of support from others at the time, it became a goal. I knew that, being the parent, I could help shape this young person to be whoever they decided. I knew that my choices, would influence theirs. I put life on hold, my dreams aside to start with theirs.
My perspective was, not that having a child was a burden but a chance to do something good in my life. I wasn't always making the right decisions but I did learn after each mistake. Just as my first child turned 10, I was given the gift of a second chance to do it again. I wanted this opportunity more than anyone could have imagined.
What have I learnt over the past 27 years of being a mum?
There is NO greater gift than to give life to another other then to teach them to fly. From their first roll over, to the moment they take their first solo trip away. You want them to learn independence so they become confident young adults.
The hardest part of being a parent isn't about trusting them, but trusting everyone else around them. If you've taught them right, you'll know they will do what is right. It is just difficult to teach your kids there are others out there with a lesser moral compass and they will have to stand up to them.
The sound of laughter from a child is the best you will ever hear. You know 100% for certain, they are happy and, happiness is good. Laugh with them when you get a chance.
The perspective of your child under 5 will teach you more than any educational institution. For example, my younger son had a tooth pulled, in the process they froze the area around it. When we left the dentist, I let him know he was drooling. He looked at me and said: "Mum, it's not drool. They froze my mouth, remember? It's just defrosting."
Keep an open mind. Although I do not always agree with specific terms, phrases or words, sometimes they are necessary to learn. Teach them to be selective on these and show them the power of a term, a word or a phrase so that when it's necessary, they can be used with the right audience to give the most impact that will be a positive moment.
Listen. Carefully to what they are saying and how. Our children don't know how to communicate as we didn't before we went through experiences. They will struggle with how to express their emotions so give them time, teach them patience and empathy by doing this.
Help them build their toolboxes with strong values and morals. Give them a sense of security with your relationship so they feel safe enough to tell you all they need to when it's necessary.
Teach them how to apologize and when to accept one. When I'm wrong, even with them, I apologize. I tell them exactly what I feel I did wrong and ask them how they feel about it. I've encouraged my boys to acknowledge when someone, including myself makes the acknowledgement that they've made a mistake. It's not okay, please don't say it's okay, just say: "Thank you."
Give them strength. Teach them to stand up for themselves. Not to lash out when they've been hurt & to to take moments to breathe, moments to reflect and moments to know when right is right and when wrong is wrong.
Give them the ability to sympathize and empathy. When they see someone who needs help, teach them to give a hand up. Lead by example and give them the opportunity that each moment, no matter how hard, is a moment to learn. Even if it hurts.
I could keep going on...
With love,
Nicky
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