Simple facts on living with less

To start off with, I want to be as truthful as possible as to why I live the way I do now.

On November 17, 2015 I left what I knew as my home.  A place where I lived.  At times, it kept me dry and sheltered from the exterior storms.  I was provided with food & clothing.  Along with many other things that filled that place, I was given many opportunities to experience life.  What I did not do, was live life.  

I was surrounded by SO many things.  None of which, fulfilled my soul or healed my heart.

I discovered after returning to work full time years before, that I had lost touch with who I was and had become someone I didn't recognize.  Not knowing who my friends were, other than the select few I confided in while I started the journey to change.  

Firstly, I no longer wanted to beholden to another for a gift.  I had to question the purpose to the gifts, and to question the reason I would also accept them.  Every time I returned to these, I shuttered as they were not who I wanted to resolve this world in.  I knew that every moment that I was living, I was suffocating.  

Returning to the beginning, when I left in November of 2015 I did not take much.  I laugh at myself now with what I took.  Some kitchen knives, bowls, photo's, clothing.  Nothing of consequence.  Not the $500.00 bottle of wine, or the wine fridge that housed the wines.  I left the plates that seemed to hold more value than the guests they were intended to serve.  I did not take items of financial value, as they did not ever belong to me.  They were owned by the purchaser, which I was never.  

So now, my life does not hold many items.  Everything that I have purchased to this date, holds a purpose.  I've stopped spending money on things as they are just that, things.  When my body decides to leave and my soul goes onto the next chapter, all that I own will become nothing more than a purpose for another.  To make someone feel safe, to show them they were loved and to do the job they were intended for.  Nothing more.  

I've discovered, the emptiest place can hold a thousand items.  I'll never return to this and promise to myself to live life.  Open to each opportunity that is presented to me, with the best of intentions.  I'll never expect anything in return for a gift, nor will I make anyone feel smaller than me.  I am, after all, human.  

Their basic needs..

My children, although not young any longer, have always been the focal point in life.  When I was 18, I choose to give birth to my first, one I hadn't planned for as I was still a child in some eyes myself.  

Being determined to raise him, irrespective of support from others at the time, it became a goal.  I knew that, being the parent, I could help shape this young person to be whoever they decided.  I knew that my choices, would influence theirs.  I put life on hold, my dreams aside to start with theirs.  

My perspective was, not that having a child was a burden but a chance to do something good in my life.  I wasn't always making the right decisions but I did learn after each mistake.  Just as my first child turned 10, I was given the gift of a second chance to do it again.  I wanted this opportunity more than anyone could have imagined.  

What have I learnt over the past 27 years of being a mum?  

There is NO greater gift than to give life to another other then to teach them to fly.  From their first roll over, to the moment they take their first solo trip away.  You want them to learn independence so they become confident young adults.  

The hardest part of being a parent isn't about trusting them, but trusting everyone else around them.  If you've taught them right, you'll know they will do what is right.  It is just difficult to teach your kids there are others out there with a lesser moral compass and they will have to stand up to them.  

The sound of laughter from a child is the best you will ever hear.  You know 100% for certain, they are happy and, happiness is good.  Laugh with them when you get a chance.  

The perspective of your child under 5 will teach you more than any educational institution.  For example, my younger son had a tooth pulled, in the process they froze the area around it.  When we left the dentist, I let him know he was drooling.  He looked at me and said: "Mum, it's not drool.  They froze my mouth, remember?  It's just defrosting." 

Keep an open mind.  Although I do not always agree with specific terms, phrases or words, sometimes they are necessary to learn.  Teach them to be selective on these and show them the power of a term, a word or a phrase so that when it's necessary, they can be used with the right audience to give the most impact that will be a positive moment.  

Listen.  Carefully to what they are saying and how.  Our children don't know how to communicate as we didn't before we went through experiences.  They will struggle with how to express their emotions so give them time, teach them patience and empathy by doing this.

Help them build their toolboxes with strong values and morals. Give them a sense of security with your relationship so they feel safe enough to tell you all they need to when it's necessary.  

Teach them how to apologize and when to accept one.  When I'm wrong, even with them, I apologize.  I tell them exactly what I feel I did wrong and ask them how they feel about it.  I've encouraged my boys to acknowledge when someone, including myself makes the acknowledgement that they've made a mistake.  It's not okay, please don't say it's okay, just say:  "Thank you."

Give them strength.  Teach them to stand up for themselves.  Not to lash out when they've been hurt & to to take moments to breathe, moments to reflect and moments to know when right is right and when wrong is wrong.    

Give them the ability to sympathize and empathy.  When they see someone who needs help, teach them to give a hand up.  Lead by example and give them the opportunity that each moment, no matter how hard, is a moment to learn.  Even if it hurts.

I could keep going on...

With love,
Nicky