As a young lady at the age of 10, I was sexually abused by 2 family members. This is a raw conversation to have for myself. Not the actions or results of the abusers but the fear of it being used against me was greater.
I was asked why..
I had been in a relationship for many years and it was used against me. How, you ask?
Because I forgave them. All of them.
Why did I forgive them?
While doing my personal recovery before going to court at the age of 16 to charge them, I did a lot of reading and discussing. Mostly though, listening, to other survivors. The constant thing I heard was, their abuser was abused. In that, I found my strength to try and help stop the circle. History repeats itself right?
At the young age of 16, I had pressed charges and they accepted guilt, admitted and ..
they went to counselling.
Now, almost 30 years later I am a much stronger woman, however, the last few years have been a struggle to see it, until now. Until this conversation.
My ex use to say after one of many tough moments, "how can you forgive them but not me?" I always felt he was holding this over my head and I felt "obligated" to do so as his actions were not as "horrible" as theirs.
Regardless.. I figured out last night my "why" to the forgiveness and it's already been stated here.
They, with the help and guidance of the court and councillors choose to change. To stop the pattern and to try to become better.
As for my ex? He still doesn't understand why he's that.. my ex. It's not my battle but I'll say this, until one sees their own errors, the path remains the same and history will repeat itself.
How did the conversation end last night?
I was asked, "how did I possibly forgive?" My reply..
"They wanted to heal too."
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